Baby-Daddy-To-Be List: BIGBANG Edition

I have said so many times that I was going to wait to do this until after Taeyang's single was released, but due to the previous post I wrote earlier tonight about Tae-Tae and his ability to claim the title of the perfect man, I finally came to the conclusion that Tae will not be on this list, however he has sparked yet another category that currently only he is in. More on that later, though.

I realize there are five members to BIGBANG, and even though I freaking adore Daesung and Seungri, sadly they weren't even in the running for this. Don't feel bad for them, though. They have their very own lists to attend to/own. (All in good time).

With the Korean Usher out of the picture, it really only leaves two. You know who they are. I've only been going back and forth between them like some homie-hopper (yes, I actually did just type that) for the past week. I can't help it, though. I've told you reasons why I love them, why I hate them, why I love them again ... but I've never given reasons as to why I want bastard children with them, complete with a lifetime of baby mama drama.

Kwon Ji-Yong, you knew from day one that your platinum-blonde-with-now-dark-roots arrogantly sexy ass would be on this list.

Reasons why G-Dragon has made the Baby-Daddy-To-Be List:

1. One word: GaHo. You're already so paternal with your dog, you'd have relatively little to no problem being paternal to an actual human being. It makes me want my own little (preferably non-wrinkled face) baby with you.
2. I love your tattoos and I love how they're in languages that are not your first. I have two tattoos in Greek script, so at least our child will be cultured and won't be raised thinking tattoos are "taboo." An open-minded child turned adult is what the world needs more of. We could totally provide the future civilization of that, bb.
3. You are the quintessential baby daddy, as I love you and hate you all at the same time. None of the other boys from other idol groups can lay claim to that fact. Also, just like a baby daddy, I cannot quit you and I keep returning to you over and over. Whether it be a booty call or I just refuse to, deep down, give up hope of being with you forever and ever 'til death do us part. You. Are. Perfect.

T.O.P. ... I always become speechless whenever I try to write about you, mind going completely blank. No, actually that's a lie. My mind has plenty of thoughts circulating up there, however they are far too dirty and NC-17 to put on the internet.

Reasons why T.O.P. has made the Baby-Daddy-To-Be List:

1. Let me say first and foremost that I do not want to have a son with you. I only want to have a daughter, because if my son were to look anything similar to you (great probability considering I'm white and Asian genes are very dominant), I'd home school him and keep him sheltered, turning him into the biggest mama's boy in history. Because you smolder, boo, and a young boy at the age of five does not need to be giving little girls on the playground sexed-up-model eyes. That's just asking for a lifetime of trouble and personally, I'd like to be able to sleep at night without wondering where the hell my son who is a mini-me of his father is.
2. Again, you smolder. I want your baby simply because of that fact, and that fact alone. And if you ever let this glorified sound out of your mouth in my presence in your voice that I imagine would sound like sex if sex could talk ... dude, I'd so take charge and rip your fucking clothes off in two seconds. Flat.
3. Our child will without a doubt inherit your fierce fashion sense, and we could quite possibly spawn the next Marc Jacobs. Yes, Paris' Fashion Week would love us and treat us like royalty for acting like complete nymphomaniacs with zero self control. Give yourself a pat on the back, lovely.

Taeyang has spawned the category: Strictly a Dirty, Dirty Fantasy. He'll always be there for me to marvel over his physical perfection, and from time to time I'll relapse and feel like licking whip cream off his abs. But that's it. Once the novelty of the fantasy wears off, or when GD becomes jealous and steps up his game, or when T.O.P. whines for my attention, Tae-Tae will go back in the bejeweled fantasy box in my mind.

TKPA