Valeska's Guest Blog!

Super Junior Sex, The Latest Subgroup of Super Junior

Author’s note: 99% of this story was written before Han Geng requested for termination of his exclusive contract. I don’t take sides in this case. However, Han Geng will forever be my favorite China man. No matter what.

Hallelujah! A new subgroup has been added to Super Junior family and this subgroup is called SJ-S a.ka Super Junior Sex.

Why Sex?

Because instead of targeting the Chinese market like Super Junior Mandarin (SJ-M) or even the elders like Super Junior Trot (SJ-T), SJ-S is targeting the sexually-frustrated girls (*cough*including me *cough*) market. Sex is what they show us and sex is what we aim for.

SJ-S is a 4-members group, consisted of Han Geng a.ka Chinese Thrust Machine, Eunhyuk a.ka Sir Pops-A-Lot, Siwon a.ka Abmighty Shisus, and Henry a.ka Juicy Angel Lips. These are the four guys that can make you forget the threesome concept, as you will welcome the fivesome concept, which sounds more awesome.

The upcoming promotional single will be a catchy song which is full of groans, moans, and all the sexual sounds that can turn you on. You can imagine Siwon's bass voice singing some R&B tunes or Henry's rap in perrrrfect English blend together beautifully. The single may not be suitable to be listened to at night times (alone in your room and listening to some sexy creatures singing sexy tunes? That's frustrating), but who cares? We enjoy our frustration of sex.

Well, at least I know I do.

As I've mentioned before, sex is what they show us. I expect that the MV will be freaking hot as hell, 10 times hotter than "Sorry Sorry Answer" MV. You do realize that Chinese Thrust Machine looks so gorgeous with a prestigious Jaguar in that MV, right? In this upcoming MV of SJ-S, he will once again drive a Jaguar and probably will make love in the backseat of the car.

No, not with this woman. I can ensure you that he won't make love with this woman.

Speaking of hot Chinese men, I won’t leave Juicy Angel Lips out of the talk, of course. His transformation from a cute, innocent boy to a damn hot and tempting man has amazed me. Juicy Angel Lips has officially become The Canadian Sex Symbol. He’s a multi-talented guy. He speaks four languages, he can play the piano very well, he can sing, he’s also a dancing-machine, and everyone knows about his incredible ability in playing the violin. In conclusion, he’s more amazing than the Niagara Falls.

Pretty Pretty Princess: Let me tell you something, kid. Show ‘em your angry-sex face. They’re gonna love it.

Juicy Angel Lips: Will do, Your Majesty.

I also expect to see SJ-S doing some irritatingly inviting dance moves that will trigger my primitive lust to raise. Since chest-popping will be so 2000 late, I hope Sir Pops-A-Lot will come up with a brighter idea for the group, like crotch-popping, for example. I love it when Sir Pops-A-Lot puts his hand on his crotch and pop it like crazy.

Damn, you can thrust it into me, love. You are most welcome.

Last, but not least, the Abmighty Shisus. I have no idea about his image in SJ-S. He is sexy, always has been and always will be. Maybe he will show a much sexier image that your brain will explode once you see him dancing, half naked.

SJ-S has to be on numerous of variety shows. They will be epic. Sir Pops-A-Lot will be the spotlight of the show (Hyukkiegayo, anyone?) while Abmighty Shisus will show his legendary Shibrows here, there, and everywhere. I don’t know what you think of Shibrows, but I think they are amazing.

Now, if you excuse me, I will buy a one-way ticket to Seoul. Soon I will hijack SM Entertainment office and become the new CEO of SM Entertainment. You will be grateful. I’ll send SJ-S to America and Europe for world tour. Happy?

I bet you are. Even Chinese Thrust Machine is happy.

TKPA Endnote: This. Was. Fucking. Amazing. Thanks Valeska!

Say Whaaat?

Dirrrty Geek: I have a confession to make. I slept with a fan last night.

Arms of Sex: Don't forget to mention that you did it on my bed.

Dirrrty Geek: I did it on Hae's bed. There, happy?

Abmighty Shisus: That's funny, Kyu. She slept with me hours earlier.

MC: I just wanted to know what you guys thought of the new album ...

Thanks to Valeska (@nengvaleska) for sending in the picture and caption!

TKPA

Abmighty Shisus Isn't the Only Holy One

If you missed the announcement last night, several more members of Super Junior have been TKPA nicknamed. Included in that batch of hilarity and "so true," was Han Geng.

His new nickname? Chinese Thrust Machine. There really needs to be no explanation on that, but if you don't understand, go watch any peformance of "Don't Don" and you'll know why.

But Abmighty Shisus isn't the only holy member in Super Junior. No, Chinese Thrust Machine has his own form of holy hotness going on. The proof is in the screen shot.

He's like the badass, leather-clad angel sent down from K-Pop Heaven to punish us for our sins and make us seek salvation in between his bedsheets. Abmighty Shisus might be holy hot, but he's more likely to sit us down with a cup of hot cocoa and preach to us, while holding our hand and reading Bible verses. Don't be fooled, the hand-holding is to prevent you from running away and commiting sweet sin with the Chinese Thrust Machine.

Yeah, I saw this while rewatching the Super Junior-M MV for "Super Girl" and I tried to find any excuse to post it.

TKPA

Reason #2 Why I Love Super Junior: Their Engrish

It was like music to my ears when fate pointed me in the direction of "Marry U" and I heard Leeteuk sing, in perfect English, "Would you marry me?"

I know the four basic, need-to-know-if-you're-traveling Korean phrases. "Hello," "Thank you," "Do you speak English?" and "I love you." Okay, so maybe that last one isn't extremely important if you're going to travel, but you never know if you'll stumble upon the love of your life who speaks broken English and your Korean is highly laughable. So, I know how to say "I love you," and Teuk knows how to propose.

There is no need for any other talking.

Pretty much I’ll be talking about this particular video, with an exception of a few extra links posted at the end for some giggles.

The boys have had a rough road when it came to learning English. Thankfully, because they are such fame whores, their lessons were documented in the form of Full House, thus making my life one bit closer to becoming complete. This is where they learned the one phrase that makes me giddy and blush like a tween girl: "You are so gorgeous."

Bless you, English teacher man. You taught the boys an extremely valuable compliment that they have used time and time again.

I will admit (even if The K-Pop Junkie wants to massacre me and feed me to the wolves for saying this), Siwon’s attempt at it is the best amongst the boys (4:00). Heechul is an extremely close second, though, mainly because after he tells blonde-curly-wig-wearing-Kangin he is gorgeous, Korea’s #1 Handsome Guy shuts Super Junior’s resident fame whore down with, "I don’t easy." Not a slut-bag hoe, basically (4:27). And Heechul … my, oh my. Is there anything more bizarre than seeing an Asian man incorporate "hip hop" slang into his English vocabulary? Seriously, it’s freaking hilarious and all, but a part of me just wants to die slightly whenever the pretty boy busts out with, "Yo man!"

I also love you, English teacher man, wherever you are, for teaching the boys how to say, "Obey me." Thank you infinite amounts.

Super Junior loves loves LOVES to incorporate English into their songs. For instance, in "She Wants It," a barely audible member (still can’t figure out who for the life of me) says, in the most creepily fantastic way possible, "Where you goin’ sweetie?" (0:28). Not to mention Eunhyuk saying “bling bling” in his rap bit in the same song, which is utterly amazing and still has me laughing obnoxious amounts over it.

"Endless Moment" is a song that doesn’t really have random LOLtastic phrases woven into the lyrics, but the boys do sing, "My endress moment." YES. Amazing.

Also, in the new Korean version of Super Junior-M’s "Super Girl" (which is absolutely RIDDLED with Engrish, which makes it billions times better than the Chinese version) someone so graciously pointed out to me that Donghae says, "He’s not shupaman, he must be mama boy." Oh, Hae. Love you, boo.

TKPA

CALLING ALL BIGBANG FANS!

I seriously need your help with this, as it's been driving me absolutely bananas for the past day!

Literally two weeks ago I stumbled across omonatheydidnt over at Livejournal, in which I laughed endlessly over the Super Junior-M photoshoot with Numero Magazine. I looked around on the site and came across a video posted in one of the comments that featured the boys of BIGBANG reading [what I believe] to be messages from fans on their Cyworlds.

Here's my problem ...

I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH ENTRY IT WAS POSTED UNDER.

Major fail on my part. I've been seriously looking all over the damn site trying to find it, and I can't locate it for the life of me. And I watch so many videos on YouTube that it couldn't possibly be in my history.

I need your help, ladies (and gentlemen). Seeing as how it's a part of a future post about the boys, I really, really, REALLY need to get my hands on that clip. I can't remember all of it, but I do know it has G-Dragon mentioning how his fans leave comments for the other members, and I'm about 90% sure that a fan asks T.O.P. to moan. Yes, moan. (Bless her, whoever/wherever she is).

If any of you have any idea what I'm talking about, please, please, puuhh-leeeaaazzzz with infinite amounts of cherries on top, point me in the direction of the link in the comments below (or include the link, whatever).

Help a sista out!!!

Thank you bunches!
TKPA


UPDATE! UPDATE! UPDATE!

Mayyjuuhh thanks go out to @mizz_julie for hunting down the yumminess of T.O.P. moaning and groaning sexually like the smoldering sex beast he is. Julie, you are my new hero! =)

Super Junior-M's "Super Girl": Chinese v. Korean

I wanted to go to sleep an hour and a half ago, but here's the thing about me ... I don't sleep.

Literally about an hour ago, The K-Pop Junkie mentioned how I should include Super Junior-M's "Super Girl" to the playlist (featured on the right sidebar). I said, "But it's Chinese, not Korean." Thus, there would be no point in putting it on here, even if it is by a subgroup of the largest boyband in the world, Super Junior.

I was on Twitter when I saw from multiple people that SJ-M has now released the Korean version of "Super Girl." I became super excited and rushed to play it ... only to find that I actually like the Chinese version better. It's still a fantastic song in any language, but because I've heard it so much in Chinese, it just sounds weird.

But then I listened to it again. And I am now in love with it. Again. I'd show proper enthusiasm about it, but I'm starting to feel the sleep creep up on me and it's becoming nearly impossible to keep my eyes open. So, I'll just cut to the chase and keep this short.

Here's the Korean version. (Watch in HQ for the ultimate sexiness of Donghae, Kyuhyun, Siwon, Ryeowook, Han Geng, Henry, and the cross between Leeteuk and Siwon, Zhou Mi). And here is the Chinese version. (Also watch in HQ).

I know that The K-Pop Junkie is going to go bat-shit crazy over this, seeing as how her Baby-Daddy-To-Be list includes Siwon, Hae, Kyun, and Han Geng.

Yours,

The K-Pop Addict