Things I Need to Find Out

There are many things I need to find out in regards to your favorite and my favorite K-Pop Boys. This is a growing list and from time to time it will be reposted with new additions.

If you can tell me any of these things ... well, first of all, I'll be incredibly jealous and turn a deep, hunter green shade of envy and I'll demand a legit reason as to how you know ... and then I'll probably bow down to you for posessing such information.

I need to know:

1. Does Master GD howl during sex?
2. Do SeungHo's lips taste like a pink Starburst?
3. What does Sex God's body looks like without all the layers? ANSWERED!
4. Does Eunhyuk actually believe in premarital sex or is he against it?
5. Does Hyun Seung actually like his current hairstyle?
6. How much of a balance between sexy and dorky does Sexy Beast Taek have going on?
7. Is length > height in the case of King of Foreplay?
8. What does Jokwon smell like? I imagine it's along the lines of lilac and freesia.
9. Does my precious future husband Leeteuk have abs or is he just skinny? ANSWERED!
10. Is Siwon a douchbag when there aren't any cameras around?
11. Is Heechul really a douchbag or is he a nice guy?
12. Will Kangin let me win in a playful wrestling match?
13. Does Joon really want me to rip his clothes off with my teeth, hence why he keeps flaunting his abs?
14. Do the members of BEAST know how freaking ridiculous they look?
15. Do the evil Korean stylists get a huge laugh at the things they do to the boys?

Eventually, I feel like I'll have all of these answers. Especially numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 9, and 13.

TKPA

Oh, You've Learned Well

You have learned exceptionally well, Joon. Because you know what it takes for me to love you. Ab flashing, cocky grin, your cute, playful ways ... and you also know what it takes for me to hate you.

Cocky grin and NOT FLASHING THE ABS.

I mean, what the hell is that about? True, the camera wasn't on you like always, it was way far away and you looked like a little ant dressed in a ripped blue shirt ... but still, there were plenty of ladies in the audience whose ovaries were aching, who were standing right in front of you, waiting to see those luscious washboard abs that you've been flaunting even before debut ... and you denied them the chance. You only lifted it up half way, on one side. You half-assed the flaunting, boo. And that right there is immediate grounds for you being placed in Back-up Boy.

I cannot and will not do that to you, because I knew that this day would come. I knew that one day you'd be selfish and keep your abs to yourself. It actually makes us go even more insane that way, it makes us want you even more. So not only were you the valedictorian at the G-Dragon School of Cocky-Korean-Idols, but it seems that while in college you've been taking a few courses offered by the King of Foreplay, like Quick Ab Flash 101 and The Art of Foreplay.

Or did you purposely not show the abs because you're mad at me for not taking part in the perversion over you on Twitter yesterday? I'm sorry, I really am. I feel awful that I missed it, but I was lying in my bed, in the dark, feeling like I was going to die and that my head was going to explode all over my pillow. I'm sorry I didn't get to share in on the perversion and exploit you and your abs. I know you like it when I talk about you in that way, but you can't punish me and the rest of the fan girls in the world for that. If anything, you showing your abs would make me feel much, much better.

I'm pissed at the cameramen who were filming your latest performance, boo. Because not only did they zoom way out during your brief-half-assed flash, but they barely focused on SeungHo's pants and during Thunder's solo rap, the camera was shakey. Seriously, I've seen fancams more steady than that.

Joon, baby ... you need to revert back to this ab flash, complete with cocky grin at the end. It was majorly working for you, and if something isn't broke, don't fix it.

Check out the performance in which MBLAQ did amazing, but the cameramen screwed us all over.

TKPA

We're Going to Switch It Up a Bit ... Soon

This isn't going to happen any time soon, but trust me it will happen.

I have a message for you all explaining what The K-Pop Junkie and I have in store for you. I don't think there are any problems with this site and with being able to listen to it, but if there is, please let me know so I can work on another solution!

Click here to listen to the message if that doesn't want to work for you!


TKPA

Teuk, You Need a Haircut, Baby

I'm not digging the current hairstyle you're currently rocking. No, not digging it at all. Maybe if it was a different color, I'd tolerate it a little better. It's just too orange looking on you. It doesn't look right.

Ehhh ...

I love you regardless of your hair (me admitting that I find your "Don't Don" days hot is proof to that) and I will still rip your clothes off upon returning home even if I'm not feeling the hair. But I'm just saying that I find this hairstyle much more angry-sexy.

Oh, yes ...

Don't get me wrong, I still know you're a dirty freak ... but the hair, baby ... it makes me think otherwise. So, here's the deal, you can keep this current hairstyle as long as you strip for me on a nightly basis. Because as long as other girls are thrown off the dirty freak trail that leads to the beroom, that's all that matters.

I need you all to myself.

TKPA

To Get You Through the Weekend

All right, so ... I've felt like my head is going to freaking explode for about thirteen hours now. I have the worst sinuses.

But leave it to Sexy Beast Taek to make me completely forget about my throbbing skull and make me excited for the weekend.

Not only is this hot and just oozing angry-sex,
but I feel like he knows the pain I'm feeling right now.

I realize I've neglected SBT since baby daddy week, but just because I forget to obsess over him on the blog does not mean that I forget to obsess over him in real life. Since his rap in "Again and Again" is my text message ringtone, and I hear it go off literally fifty times a day, I take a moment to just listen to his voice of pure sex.

It makes me want him.

And I know I am not the only one who takes him seriously when he says, "Somebody hurry and please tie me up somewhere."

Oh, I'll tie you up SBT. You don't even have to say please.

Enjoy the weekend!

TKPA

The Oozing Sex Factors of BIGBANG's New MV

You know I love these boys.

You know that I'd love them even more if they were half-naked all the time, but I still love them regardless.

And you know that I appreciate any amount of sex that these boys bring to the table by way of photo shoots and MVs. Especially if they come from Master GD and Sex God.

G Baby is looking goooood in this MV. And it's not just because he has black roots (something that made me extremely happy), but because my Master has been practicing his smoldering sex stare in the mirror. It's true, he has been. I caught him twice. Then he turned the smolder sex stare on me and things get a little fuzzy after that. They also get hot, sweaty, and naked ...

Yes, you have been practicing, babe. And I am so glad that you have, because it makes me feel all blushing-fan-girl and leaves me -- of all people -- speechless. I love you for that.

However, as much as I love you and worship you and will be your sex slave any time, any place ... you have nothing on Sex God. Not only is he like the creator of the smolder-sex-stare, he has that shit copyrighted. You might be able to imitate, Master, but you sure as hell will never be able to duplicate.

Sex God ... oh, Sex God. Where do I even begin with you? For starters I'd take off your clothes, because you always wear way too many layers. Is it because you want to prevent the oozing sex from radiating off your body? Is that why you're always wearing jackets and hoodies? Can't you ever just wear a plain ol' t-shirt or wife-beater? Or are you afraid that the sex will just ooze so fiercely and freely from your body that it'll burn all of our retinas and thus diminish your entire fan base?

Don't worry about me, boo. My eye doctor said my retinas are in fantastic condition, so I can handle the pure sex your body has to offer.

But of course, Master GD always has to end with a bang (a big one ... yes, pun intended) because after his howl/scream this yummy expression/pose made me think dirty.

And in case you're wondering ... yes, I am down there.

TKPA

The LOL Factor(s) of BIGBANG's New MV

I really cannot be the only one who laughed so hard while watching this. Yes, it's a gorgeous song ... but there are just so many things that are so randomly fantastic, it's hard for me to concentrate. And yes, they are all looking delicious. But I'll post about that later, because the multiple LOL factors are calling me.

The first thing that made me laugh was the quarter-rides that you find outside of the grocery store, filling a mini-amphitheater. And it lets me know that there are plenty of other things in store for me, more LOL factors.

LOL Factor #1

It's just so ... extremely random yet utterly fantastic that it's borderline genius. What would have made it better is if they actually showed the guys on them, rocking away. I think I would've busted a vein in my head from laughing so hard if they did that. But at least I would've died laughing, which is always a good thing, right?

Okay ... what is with the large dice in the middle of a field?

LOL Factor #2

And even though I want to make a crack about King of Foreplay standing on top of the larger die, I will not because there will be some people (namely The K-Pop Junkie) who will complain about me making fun of his height. Again. I'm sure you can imagine what I'm going to say. But the dice are just another random factor that makes me laugh so hard.

What the hell is around Ri-Ri's waist? What is that?

LOL Factor #3

It's like a stretchy, crochet, wide-belt or something. He would look much better without that ... thing ... around him. He'd also look better without that shirt on too, but that's another matter entirely. But seriously, no. That thing has to go.

Of course, there is the guys yelling out for no reason and KoF's running (major LOL factor all on its own) in the video. It's just pure hilarity disguised by romantic lyrics and heartwrenching-painful looks. Trust that it's there, though.

LOL FACTOR FTW.

Check out the new MV for "Let Me Hear Your Voice," BIGBANG's new Japanese single.

The hottness post will be coming soon.

TKPA

Say Whaaat?

I'm doing this now, because it'll be one less thing for me to do later on. And hey, technically it is Thursday.

G.O: Wow! TKPA is right. I do look better without those fucking sunglasses.

Of course, if you have something better, you can share in the comment section.

TKPA

Thanks to @shortney70 for this beauty that made me laugh so hard when I opened my inbox!

I Want It to Rain

I want it to Rain on me. And no, that has nothing to do with money being tossed around in a club. By "Rain on me" I mean the purest form of rain, from Rain, rolling down his gorgeous face and dripping off his jaw, gravity taking place and landing on me.

Oh, yes.

I don't know why I want him so bad lately. I think it's a good combination of anticipating Ninja Assassin and all of the shirtless, drool-worthy, I-fucking-want-you-so-bad-it's-excruciatingly-unbearable-for-me-to-sit-here moments (because there will be plenty), as well as the fact that he's been popping up in the news more as of late due to MBLAQ's debut.

I actually don't care what the reason is. I want this man. I want this man something hardcore.

I want him in the shower, naked. I want him in my bed, naked. I want him in his bed, naked. I want him on the kitchen table, naked. I want him on the living room floor, naked. I want him on the balcony, naked. I want him in the backseat of the car, naked. I want him in a fucking airplane bathroom, naked. I want him in public. I want him in private. I want him now. I want him tomorrow. I want him in every fucking country on the planet. Hell, I even want him on the moon.

And you know what? I will even fucking take him fully clothed. Because I know what exists underneath those clothes and what will be awaiting me as soon as we set foot in the door. Seriously, we won't even have a chance to take off our shoes before I rip the man's shirt off and jump on him, wrapping my legs around his waist and excited, muffled moans escaping his lips.

Blame it on the chest pops and the close-up of the crotch during his dance cover of "Oh Yeah." The only thing I did not like about it is that he is sweating, and I am not underneath him to catch the fallen drops.

Damn you, Rain. DAMN YOU.

TKPA

Teddy Park: Best Producer Ever

And of course, he's hella hot, which is always a fantastic plus.

It seems like everything that Teddy touches/produces is golden. Hell, even Lady Gaga wanted him to work with her and produce a song or two. I'm not really a big fan of the Lady (or any kind of fan, actually), but I give her credit for recognizing the best that South Korea has to offer, and quite possibly one of the best in the world.

The fact is that Teddy is talented as hell, dating back to his days in front of the microphone as a part of 1TYM and even up 'til now, when he's on the other side of the sound-proofed room in the studio, helping all our favorite artists produce hits.

Teddy will -- without a doubt -- be a massive success whenever he crosses the Pacific and finds himself in America. And with him teaming up with BIGBANG when/if YG ever decides to please us American fans and give us the boys (we'll take care of them, I swear!), there are bound to be chart-toppers and hit after hit.

Teddy in leather and on a motorcycle? Hell yes.

Teddy, boo ... come to America. I'll be your personal assistant, fetching you coffee, chauffering you around town, taking your clothes to the dry cleaner, and I'll even play wingman while out at the club (not that you'd need help, you can pretty much get any woman you want).

All I ask is that, in return and on top of a nice paycheck courtesy of YG, is that you allow me to have two nights off a week. One for Master GD and one for Sex God.

After all, I am one half of TKPAgon and one half of TOPA.

TKPA

Much, Much Better G.O

Kudos to the stylist in charge of SeungHo's pants and for also stealing G.O's sunglasses and tossing them in a nonchalant manner out the window before a bus drove by.

Because G.O looks a million times better without the shades. I know I wrote a post a while ago saying that Asian men look ten times hotter with sunglasses on, but in the case of our dear G.O, that could not be further from the truth.

Never wear the shades, bb. Your smokey eyes need to be staring at us, making us feel weak in the knees and making us want to blush and grin like an idiot. Plus, with your facial hair, the shades make you look like a bit of a creeper. Kind of like the guy who is sitting too close for our comfort on a public bus and we have no idea if you're staring at us or not because the glasses hide your eyes.

That's creepy and you are too handsome to be creepy.

TKPA

FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!

This is so God-awful that I want to cry, fly to South Korea, track down Hyun Seung, pull out a pair of scissors and a box of hair dye, and fix this montrosity that an evil, corrupt stylist calls a hairstyle.

NO! NO! NO!

FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!

Do these stylists get paid next to nothing? Are they ticked off about their lack of pay that they decide to take it out on these poor, defenseless boys? I mean, seriously what the fuck is this?

A three year old could cut his own hair better!

And are the two pink-orange chunks of hair necessary? He already has the worst bowl cut in the history of bowl cuts, and a ridiculous red hair color. He needs that little bit of extra LOL-factor to his hair?

Why on Earth would someone do this to him? Did you mouth off to the stylist before you went to your hair appointment, Hyun Seung? Never fuck with someone who does your hair.

TKPA

You're on Hiatus, Kangin!

What are you going to do? How are you going to spend your two and a half months of zero activities?

I know with all that free time on your hands, it can sort of be mind boggling thinking about all the things you should do to keep you occupied. Thankfully, I'm here to help you out with that.

1. You can climb Mount Kilimanjaro simply for personal satisfaction.
2. You can walk along the entire length of the Great Wall of China (the areas that are not restricted, because we don't want you to get shot by the Chinese military).
3. You can practice your English skills. I'll help you with flashcards, boo.
4. Although I might not personally do this, you can become scuba certified and swim with sharks. Baby sharks. Baby sharks that are not known to attack human beings.
5. You can learn how to tango in Argentina and make the Latin ladies swoon and want to have your baby (but keep it in your pants, homeboy).
6. You can surf on the Great Barrier Reef. Just watch out for sharks, they can jump out of water. Oh, and stingrays.
7. I tried to refrain from pointing this out, because I think you're fine the way you are, but hitting the gym would be an excellent way to spend your time. You'll get so ripped that you'll make Siwon's Men's Health spread look ridiculous.
8. You can expand your culinary skills and cook dishes from all around the world.
9. You can come to America. Yes, I really like this one.
10. You can visit all of the historic and national landmarks here in America. And there are a lot, boo.
11. You can come to Florida and stay in my bed with me for the remaining weeks.
12. You can show me pictures of all your travels and tell me stories while we have pillow talk time.
13. You can teach me how to tango, while naked.
14. You can let me kiss your newly rock-hard body from head to toe (not really the toe part, because that's gross).
15. You can demonstrate your new culinary skills for me and in return I will make you my cheesecake brownies. Of course, we'll have to hit the gym in between hitting the sheets. We can't let that bod of yours go to waste.
16. And if all else doesn't seem appealing to you (despite the blow to my self-esteem) you always have one option ... Disney World.

TKPA

Meat Market

Hello, Jong Kook.

Hello, Jong Kook's rippling abs, hip dips, bulging biceps, and happy trail leading to an area of flesh that should never be exposed and captured by a camera, because it makes fan girls' heads explode and lots of angry and exasperated, "WHY COULDN'T YOUR PANTS BE LOWER?!"

Seriously, just one inch lower. Just one more freaking inch. And does it look like his pants are unbuttoned, or is that just his bulge giving the 3D-effect?

I give you a 10, baby.

1 – Did absolutely nothing for me
3 – Ehh, I’ve seen better
5 – Definite potential, but not my cup of tea
8 – Jaw-dropping
10 – Self-combustion

You know the deal, either comment or tweet me your rating and at the end of day, JK will be judged. You have until midnight!

END RESULT: Jong Kook's final rating was 8.8. Not bad, not bad. 

TKPA

Please, Bow Your Head

And take a moment of silence to appreciate the spectacular body that the K-Pop Gods have sent down from their Heavenly lair and blessed us with in the form of Rain. (Yes, they are somewhat old, but that doesn't detract from the hotness of them).

This is just perfect.

WTF? Are those gills or muscles-unknown-to-man?

Oh, I cannot wait until November 25th, when I will be sitting in the theater watching Rain kick ass while shirtless and ripped. I think it'll be the gravy on top of my mashed potatoes (seeing as how it's the day before Thanksgiving and I am obsessed with my parents' homemade mashed potatoes and gravy. It's a very fitting comparison).

And as I am typing this right now, the sky is overcast. Rain, Rain, never go away.

Hey, I had to do at least one weather reference.

TKPA

That Baby Daddy List Sure Made Someone Happy

All of you blog-stalkers enjoyed BIGBANG Friday and couldn't wait for me to reveal who my baby daddy was. Obviously it was Master GD ... and also Sex God. Seriously, c'mon, how was I supposed to choose between them? It's impossible.

Even though I did choose Sex God as a second baby daddy, I chose Master GD as my first. And because I chose him first it made him happy. So happy that he decided to wear his hair like this for me.

No curls. No hair in his eyes, hiding those big brown irises. Just pure awesome. And I see that your roots are coming in rather nicely, lovely.

And doesn't it look a little like the hairstyle SeungHo has been rockin' since debut? Yes, it does. And haven't I been obsessing over SH something hardcore since Thursday? Yes, I have. I swear GD Baby must be reading this.

Regardless of whether or not he's blog-stalking me, my lovely was looking and acting incredibly sexy. Check out Master GD's performance of "A Boy" this past Sunday. You'll definitely want to check out the two-second wardrobe change.

Just saying ... I could have his clothes off much faster than that.

TKPA

Three Pairs of Luscious Lips ... Hell Yes

First order of business: SeungHo from MBLAQ has been officially inducted into Strictly a Dirty, Dirty Fantasy. Those lips and those pants are more than enough to convince me that this is his rightful category.

Congrats, boo. You'll get your own post one day, but today is reserved for a triple dose of "WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO US, TKPA?!" I'm sorry, I have to do it. I just have to share this image that is playing in my mind (and thereby corrupt your mind as well).

Three sets of luscious, full, juicy lips.

All over your body.

All at the same time.

Who do those lips belong to?

King of Foreplay

SeungHo

Se7en

I want to nibble on each and every single one of them, top and bottom.

Mmm, I can't help but think of kissing SeungHo's juicy, saliva laced lips, while Se7en nibbles on my neck and brushes that full upper lip against my skin ever so softly, sending tiny trembles throughout my body, and King of Foreplay kisses and lightly sucks each of my fingers with those delicious pink lovelies of his. Then it'll be KoF's turn to give a seductively wet kiss, while SeungHo nibbles, and Se7en sucks. Then Se7en will take a crack at the kissing, while KoF nibbles, and SeungHo sucks.

Oh, did I mention that we will all be naked?

And they lived happily and orgasmically ever after.

You can thank @shortney70 for spawning this fantasy.

TKPA

Leave Jay Park Alone

I have been wanting to say this for a very long time, but because I honestly do fear the wrath of pissed off Hottests, I've kept my mouth shut and fingers silenced.

While I do support the efforts made by Hottests internationally to bring attention to their departed leader, and I think what they've done is so overwhelming and cannot be described in a few simple phrases, and while I still believe that if the Hottests wanted to solve world hunger, they could ... I can't help but think that it's just time to let go.

Not give up hope, but just let go.

There are many factors surrounding the situation that we do not know about, that we will never know about. The music industry is a very dirty business, filled with politics and men wanting to become even richer than they already are. The whole situation with Jay leaving South Korea and JYP being blamed is being portrayed as black and white.

Jay is the victim, JYP is the villain. Case closed.

There are a lot of gray areas, though, along with a lot of conspiracy theories. We will never know what truly happened, what conversations Jay had with JYP before leaving South Korea, what conversations he had with him after he left. We'll never know what went through Jay's thoughts, what he is feeling right now about this whole ordeal.

Like I said, I respect the Hottests and all of their efforts. You guys have accomplished and organized extraordinary things. However, spamming JYP's Twitter account and telling him that he should rot in Hell is extreme, unnecessary, and offensive. Would you like it if someone told you to rot in Hell? No, you wouldn't. And you especially wouldn't like it if people from all over the world were saying that to you. Also, creating a Twitter account called "followmeGorilla" is more sad than humerous. It's sad that you guys have accomplished so much in a mature manner, yet a few of you have taken it upon yourselves to revert back to being twelve-years-old.

I thought Hottests were all about "Love and Respect?" That's not very loving and that is extremely disrespectful. I know you're all better than that.

We all know you want Jay back as leader to 2PM. I want that too, honestly. I really do want to see him with Junsu, Wooyoung, Nichkhun, Taekyeon, Junho, and Chansung, on stage once again. That's where he belongs.

But you can't rush this situation. There are still many people who are angry and upset over what he said four years ago. It should have never escalated and resulted to this from the start, but unfortunately it did. Jay made a mistake and eventually all mistakes are forgiven. I just feel like there needs to be time. Time for the anger to subside, time for the issue to be forgotten about.

When it is time for Jay to come back, he'll come back. He isn't ready, though. And you have to respect his decision.

KBS traveled to Seattle in hopes to get an interview with him. They basically stalked him around the city, talking to the local Korean-Americans, talking to his neighbors, showing up at a place where his younger brother is known to hang out with friends, talking to his friends, and showing up at the same place as Jay and shoving a camera in his face.

His brother even said, "He stays home a lot." Meaning that during one of the very few times Jay decided to live a normal life -- a life he used to live, a life that cannot be given to him in South Korea -- he was denied that and quickly left. I know you've all seen the footage (if not, it's here), but did you see how at peace he looked when he first showed up to the dance battle? Did you see how happy he was to just be with his friends, be with people who are not screaming his name, who are not fawning over him?

He was not Jaebeom, the leader of 2PM. He was Jay Park, the Korean-American, Seattle native, being like any other twenty-two-year-old and hanging out with his friends.

And that was ruined once he saw the camera. He was tense, he didn't want to be there anymore. He tried enjoying one night of normalcy, one night of being JAY PARK, but he wasn't able to. He left just as quickly as he arrived.

I honestly do think he needs to be left alone. He will not forget how much you love him, how much you want him to return. He knows. I love Jay and I wish him the best in whatever he does in life, whether it be with 2PM or if it's without them. Either way, whatever happens and whatever he decides to do in the future, Jay just needs to be left alone.

I'm not saying that you should stop assembling flash mobs or stop sending him things, that you should give up hope that he'll return. I'm just saying to lighten the efforts just a bit, because the more you do, the more the Korean media stays focused on it, and the more the issue stays in everyone's mind.

The only way he will come back is when this issue's negativity is forgotten.


TKPA

SeungHo, I Want to Kiss Your Lips

A lot of interesting things happened in the K-Pop World this weekend. Like SeungHo dying his hair black and saying hell no to the blonde. If you thought he was hot as a blonde, you should check out how jaw-dropping-sexy the rookie leader is with black hair. And he's also playing the piano in this video. Oh my, oh my.

Last week I pointed out how SeungHo's pants are amazing, as well as a certain ... um, feature that exists within those pants. This week I'm going to point out how I want to kiss his lips. And bite them.

I want! I want!

Seriously, just look at them. Look at how plump and juicy they are. I just want them all over my body, I really do.

Let's recap, shall we?

In the past week alone, SeungHo has amazed me with his tighter-than-tight-might-as-well-be-second-skin pants that flaunt off a very, very nice feature, he has put his birthday gift from me into fantastic use by redying his hair black, he tugged at my heartstrings by playing the piano, and he turned his head at the precise angle in order to show off those juicy lips and make me want him even more than I did when I discovered the pants situation.

Bravo, SeungHo. Bravo.

TKPA

Say Whaaat?

What're these boys thinking?

It's a free-for-all. Give it your best shot!

TKPA

Introducing: Say Whaaat?

The BIGBANG captions last Friday proved to be a big hit with you guys, so I’m going to make it a semi-weekly feature.

And I need your help!

You have two options:

1. You can email me the link(s) to the picture(s) along with the caption(s) that you came up with.
2. You can email me the link(s) to the picture(s) and have me come up with something. If I can’t think of one because my brain is too fried to properly think, then I will declare it a free-for-all in the comment section.

Either way, you must email me the link(s) and caption(s). Don’t tweet them to me, because I’ll just tell you to email it. Seriously, email only folks. I don’t think I can stress that enough, so I’ll say it again. EMAIL ONLY. (Got that? I only said it six times).

And if you’re like, “I don’t really want to give my email out,” don’t worry. I don’t spam people or forward them do-this-or-a-crazed-maniac-will-appear-at-your-window-at-midnight chain letters or anything of the sort. If I love what you’ve sent, I’ll simply email you back and tell you when it’ll be on the blog and I’ll even credit you (so include your name or Twitter account name).

It can be any idol group or idol. There are no limitations to this. They don’t have to be magazine photo shoots, they can be candid. If you need ideas of what to look for/send me then check out the BIGBANG captions (Parts I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, and VIII).

Look forward to this every Monday and Thursday!

TKPA

The Korean Army Just Became Funny

Sorry, guys!

I have mixed feelings about our hilariously beloved Boom leaving for mandatory South Korean military service. 

On the one hand, it's mandatory as a South Korean citizen and thereby unavoidable. So we all knew that eventually it was going to happen, it was just a matter of when. Knowing that, I'm okay with it and I wish him the best.

On the other hand, all of the shows he does (because he is a huge attention whore) are going to be less outrageous and slightly less funny. And this makes me sad, because with the absence of the Dean, Boom's Gag Academy will not be the same. True, Leeteuk will probably fill in and cause just as many stomach-busting-funny antics as Boom, but it just will not be the same without him.

Twenty-two months without Boom on a variety show is like Jokwon not being a diva. Impossible and unnatural.

Good luck, Boom! We're already anxiously awaiting your return!

xox

The K-Pop Addict

Did You Really Think T.O.P Would Allow That?

"I told you, bro. TKPA is mine."

I have been trying to decide between Master GD and Sex God for the past two weeks. Pretty much I knew from the beginning that it was going to be GD. I mean, he's the quintessential baby daddy.

But, seriously, did you think that Sex God would allow me to have a child with another man?

No, he wouldn't.

That's why I've decided I'm going to make Sex God my baby daddy too. Yes, two baby daddies from BIGBANG. I know I said I could only choose one, but hey, it's my blog and my creation so I can pretty much do whatever I want and make up whatever rules I want.

I want Sex God's baby, boy or girl. I know I said previously that I'd only want the child to be a girl, because a little boy smoldering intensely at girls on the playground at the age of eight is every mother's worst nightmare, because you know it'll only get worse as he gets older. And really, I do not want to deal with teenage girls calling the house and then hanging up whenever he answers the phone (because he will have his daddy's voice, as well as the stare).

But I imagine that if we have a boy that he'd look something very similar to this. Although I might not style him on a daily basis like this, matching his daddy in the most fierce outfits imaginable, the hair will always look identical. Sex God will have a mini me.

Sex God: You go up to a girl like this and whisper in her ear,

"You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

T.O.P Jr.: You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

I know I'm potentially asking for a lifetime of worrying when it comes to procreating with Sex God, especially if the offspring happens to be a boy. But there is always a fifty-fifty chance that the baby will be a girl, and that'll be less scary for me to deal with.

Bottom line is that I want to have a baby with this man. I want to practice having a baby with this man in a Purely Animalistic way and I want to actually have a baby with this man. And I want to cuddle with him and our child (boy or girl) in between us in bed while we show our child Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory for the first time.

So, this concludes Baby Daddy week as well as BIGBANG Friday. I hope you all enjoyed the past week as much as I did =)

TKPA

BIGBANG Captions Part VIII

Sex God: The night isn't over, folks. You know TKPA saves the best for last.

King of Foreplay: I wish it was over. I'm getting sick of BIGBANG Friday and hearing T.O.P and G-Dragon arguing. ALL. DAY. LONG.

TKPA

BIGBANG Captions Part VII

King of Foreplay: What do you think? Which size should I get?

Master GD: You should go for the gel inserts. They give great arch support and it'll give you an extra two inches.

Okay, okay! I swear I'm done making fun of Tae-Tae's height .... for today, anyway.

TKPA

My BIGBANG Baby Daddy: G-Dragon

You look so happy, babe

You knew you were it all along, Master GD. There was no need for you to act out and do ridiculous things to your hair in order to get my attention. You know that I love you unconditionally.

True, sometimes I hate you and I curse your name ... but I do it out of love, babe. I cannot quit you, no matter how hard I try.

Which is why you're the perfect baby daddy for me to have. I will always love you and a part of me will always want to be with you, regardless of the things you do that piss me off. Like taking our child out of school early so you can take them to the zoo. I mean, if you call me and say, "Hey, TKPA, I want to take [Korean baby name here] to the zoo. Mind if I take them out of school?" I'd say sure and have no problem with it.

But you won't call me and give me the heads up. You'll do it behind my back, because the thing that I love about you the most is your carefree spontaneity. And it's one thing when you want to show up at my house and say, "Let's go on a road trip!" before the baby, but after we have the kid, you can't do that kind of stuff. You just can't, babe.

You would be an excellent father, though. You're already an amazing dad to GaHo. Plus, our child would be the CUTEST freaking child EVER. I don't know why, but I imagine our child to have a lighter shade of brown for a hair color and wide chocolate brown eyes. Regardless if it's a boy or girl, they'd look like you because of those extremely dominant Asian genes of yours. And they'd be pretty too, just like you.

Oh, GD Baby ... you know that no matter what you do, what you say, what you wear, and what you do to your hair ... I will always love you. Sure, I might hate you for it for a brief moment in time, but that's only because I love you so much.

So go ahead and do your little happy/cocky dance (with your muscular arms!) for finally and officially being my BIGBANG baby daddy!

I love you, babe.

TKPA

Sex God is Purely Animalistic

Seriously, the things I'd do to him.

Everything about him just screams "RIP MY CLOTHES OFF!" And man, do I want to. I really, really want to.

My mind literally goes blank for a brief moment whenever I see his gorgeous, brooding face gracing my computer screen by way of video or picture. Once I recover, I have a mixture of emotions about him.

For one, I want his body. I want his piercing gaze looking deep into my eyes and sending me sexy subliminal messages through those dark brown irises. Messages that tell me all of the wickedly dirty (yet delicious) things he's going to do to me. Because I know that the BIGBANG Big Boy is a savage beast.

Listening to that deep, growling voice (that sounds like sex if sex could talk) moaning in my ear, indulging in some extremely obscene dirty talk, and pulling my hair (watch this for proof of the hair pulling fetish) ... you get the picture.

I've never mentioned this aspect of Sex God before, but I seriously would love to just cuddle up next to him on the couch and just have chill time, you know? It's not all about sex in regards to the [hopefully] Big Boy. Sure, I might worship him after every single sex session but before the intensely gratifying sex, I'd be perfectly content lying on top of him [fully clothed], watching a movie and listening to his heartbeat.

Perfect man.

TKPA

Sex God and Role Playing: A Fantastic Mix

Whoever suggested that Sex God should venture into the world of acting, let me just say, on behalf of every fan girl in the world … thank you. You, my friend, deserve a very special place in Heaven for your good deed.

I watched Sex God in IRIS … oh, man. It spawned so many risqué thoughts in my brain that I am truly going to have to pay strict attention to what I write so I don't go overboard and go past my limits.

He plays a sadistic assassin in the show and there has to be something seriously wrong with me in order to think that's sexy. I mean, I know it's just acting and everything, but if in reality Sex God was a highly trained killing machine … I wouldn't care. Sure, I'd have my friends and family check in on me every day to make sure that I was still alive, and I'd probably walk on egg shells every day in my life so I wouldn't piss him off … but just look at him! Seriously, I'd so date him even if he was an assassin.

But he isn't, thankfully, because I firmly believe I'm too pretty to die young and I'd hate to be killed over an insanely huge credit card bill. Because sadistic assassins don't fuck around with outrageous credit card bills, man.

This leaves open one option that no doubt Sex God and I will indulge in … role play.

Oh, hell yes!

Oh, yes, I went there.

He'll be the violent hired gun that will sneak around in the shadows of the apartment while I play the moronic, oblivious girl who dies within the first ten minutes of a horror film. You know exactly which girl I'm talking about.

Only in this little role playing fantasy, I will not die. Sex God will appear out of the shadows, all stealth mode and it'll scare me half to death, seeing as how a strange man is in my home (regardless if he's the hottest man on Earth). He won't say a word, he'll just stand there, smoldering intensely. And of course because of his silence, I'll start to beg and plead him not to kill me and then he'll say something along the lines of, "Convince me why I shouldn't," and …

It's your imagination's turn. Mine is currently in a tizzy.

Another scenario is that we'd both be spies, like a total Mr. and Mrs. Smith thing. Minus the whole shooting at each other part, but including the destruction of odds and ends (because that lamp his mother gave us truly is heinous).

Sex God looks like he's into role playing, plain and simple. Because what kind of sex god would he be if he didn't enjoy it?

TKPA

BIGBANG Captions Part VI

Master GD: What? Are you kidding me? What the fuck do you mean you're going to go out with T.O.P tonight? I thought you were going to be with me tonight! What the fuck?

Dae-Dae: Why do you put us all through this, TKPA? I can't stand the fighting. So much negativity does not belong in this beautiful world.

King of Foreplay: I know, right? Choose one already. Please. It's so aggravating that it's actually making my hair slump. I'm an inch shorter now, thanks to you. I cannot afford to lose that inch!

Sex God: Yeeeaaah, that's right, motherfuckers! You heard her. She's all mine tonight. Sorry, bro! Don't wait up. I won't have her home 'til after the sun rises.

Ri-Ri: WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T ANYONE WANT ME?

TKPA

BIGBANG Captions Part V

Master GD: I just don't get it, bro. I don't understand why she loves me one day and hates me the next. I don't know what I do to make her feel this way.

Sex God: Are you fucking kidding me?

TKPA

If I EVER Meet Daesung

I think I'd be the happiest girl on earth. Like, emotionally and mentally happy. My face and cheeks would hurt from smiling and laughing so much. Daesung would probably have me in hysterics for absolutely no reason, both of us rolling on the ground laughing so hard that it's nearing impossible to breathe, our faces turning an unnatural shade of red.

This would probably go on for like five minutes before we start gasping for breath, acting like we're drunk or high or a good mixture of both.

If I spoke fluent Korean or if Dae-Dae spoke broken English, we'd be cracking jokes back and forth over a bowl of ramen, in which he'd be laughing at my inability to use chopsticks without failing miserably.

TKPA

If I EVER Met Seungri

I would do three things:

1. Hug him tightly and hope to squeeze some of the hyperness out of him.
2. Tell him that he should always act as sexy as he did while performing "Strong Baby." Because maknae, you are damn hot when you act sexy.
3. Tell him to be at my hotel room at midnight so we can reenact 3:33-3:49 from the "Strong Baby" performance. Oh, yes.

Seungri, you have learned from Sex God and the King of Foreplay and you have proven to us all that you are, in fact, all grown up.

Thank God.

TKPA

BIGBANG Captions Part IV

Dae-Dae: Why does she always forget about us?

Seungri: I don't know, but she better write more about me, or else I'll find a new Friend with Benefits. I'm sick of you not writing enough about me, TKPA. I mean—not writing enough about us. Yes, not writing enough about us.

Patience, grasshoppers.

TKPA

If I EVER Meet the King of Foreplay

Oh, man ... I think I'd have the biggest problem with meeting him. Simply because all of the dirty thoughts I've ever had in regards to the King of Foreplay would be circulating in my brain (namely me imagining him standing in front of me shirtless). I don't even think I'd be able to speak.

And I would feel guilty for having such NC-17 thoughts because he is so sweet and innocent. I don't know who'd be more shy, him or me. I'm guessing he would be. I might even pluck up enough courage to tell him that we call him the King of Foreplay and explain why we appropriately named him that.

Seeing him potentially blush and turn red would be literally one of the highlights of my life.

Really, though, I just want to hug this man and see him smile and laugh up close and in person. And when I say hug, I mean "accidently" brushing my hands on along his sides to feel his hip dips.

TKPA

If I EVER Meet Master GD

I'd die. Yes, die.

I'd flirt with him majorly, smiling sweetly, batting my eyelashes every so often, raising the tone of my voice slightly higher than normal to give off a dainty vibe. I'd compliment him on his English skills and tell him he's [one of] my favorite idols, and you know what? I'll even tell him that he owns my soul in its entirety and that I love his cocky, arrogant-as-all-hell attitude.

Yes, I'm sure that'd get a big laugh out of him and I'm also pretty sure that he would love it. So much that he'd be willing to give the whole long-distance-relationship-thing a shot. I'd be willing too, even if it makes me the most hated woman in all of Asia and select parts of North America, Europe, and Australia.

Because being the sex-slave/normal-slave to Master GD is worth international hatred.

TKPA

BIGBANG Captions Part III

Master GD: I know if TKPA were here, she'd rip my suit off of my body in two seconds. With her teeth.

King of Foreplay: Man, this vest is small! Can't I just show my abs? The King doesn't need to wear clothes! Someone is gettin' guillotined for this.

Dae-Dae: I can't help but feel like I forgot something. Let's see ... I woke up and decided to let Seungri sleep in more, showered, Seungri was still sleeping so I got dressed quietly, and then came here …. OH NO! I forgot to lock the front door!

Sex God: Funny, I did that to her last night. Where do you think she learned how to do that? I taught her everything she knows.

TKPA

The Bejeweled Dirty Fantasy Box Comes Out

And I'm pulling out the one and only King of Foreplay to make my mind even more filthy than it already is.

The things I would do to you, Tae-Tae, are unspeakable. They would make even the most popular girl at the brothel blush a deep crimson.

On this BIGBANG Friday, I imagine you to be in the shower after one of your ovary-aching performances. I won't be joining you. Instead I'll be sitting on the bathroom counter, just waiting for you to finish. It won't be like a peeping Tom, creeper kind of thing, because you know I'm there. But we won't be conversing, because you want me to tell you each and every dirty thought I had while watching you grind on stage, sex-sweat dripping down your forehead.

Because that two hour performance was foreplay, King. And you making me tell you my filthy thoughts, while watching you soap up your abs and hip dips ... that's foreplay too. I bow down to you for a reason.

After you've turned off the shower, you'll ask me to hand you a towel, but I won't because I like you dripping wet and naked. Besides, the sheets on the bed will dry you off just as well as a towel would, and they're so much softer on your skin. Of course, you know that we'll get so dirty that we'll both have to take a shower afterward to clean ourselves up. Together.

And you know we'll probably have to take showers separately, because the whole showering together to get clean thing will be a total fail, as we'll just be dirty in there too.

TKPA

I Never Thought I'd Feel Disappointed

When it came to Master GD.

But last night ... man, I'll just come out and say it.

The MV for "Butterfly" did nothing for me. And that devastates me.

I mean, I don't hate it, because I think it's cute and whimsical and like a surreal world that a child dreams of. At the same time, though, I don't love it. And I want to love it, seeing as how that is my favorite song off of his album. I just can't.

To me it just seemed like a cross between the end of Finding Neverland and the chocolate room in Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. And Master GD looked like a ringleader to some circus on an acid trip.

I know, that's a harsh thing to say. But I can't help but feel that way. I know he has to do everything different, everything has to be uniquely GD and I've been trying to remind myself of that. This is GD, I should love him regardless of what he wears or does.

There was not enough GD in it for me to be satisfied. It only showed him actually singing four, maybe five times? I'd watch again to recount, but every time I watch it I just feel the disappointment all over. Yes, any amount of GD, no matter how small it is, should make me happy and it does. But when it's his own music video? C'mon, he should be plastered all over the damn thing.

I can't see your beautiful, big brown eyes, bb!

I don't know. I LIKE the video, I just am not IN LOVE with the video. I want to be. I want to play this thing repeatedly, over and over, and I want to fangirl gush about it ... I just can't. I would've much rather seen him release "A Boy" or even "The Leaders."

I think besides The K-Pop Junkie, I'm alone in feeling this way. A lot of you love it and that's great, really! It's just not for me. I'd much rather envision my version of "Butterfly."

Check out the MV for "Butterfly" here

TKPA

BIGBANG Captions Part II

Master GD: Tellin' you now, bro … you better back the fuck off TKPA. She's mine, you can't have her.

King of Foreplay: Damn, I'm sexy. No wonder TKPA calls me the King of Foreplay. I am the King, aren't I? Long live the King, baby. Long live the King.

Sex God: TKPA, you and I both know Ji-Yongie only kicked my ass in "Haru Haru" because it was acting. He can glare all he wants, you're mine. Now go wait in bed naked for me, I'll be there soon.

TKPA