It's Five O'Clock in the Morning

I don't know why I woke up so suddenly at 4:30 in the morning, but I've been unable to fall back asleep since then. So after laying in bed for thirty minutes, I said screw it and turned on the laptop. And as I logged into YouTube it kindly suggested this amazing new treasure in the form of a boy band that I had never heard of or knew existed.


Once again, my Twitter timeline has neglected to inform me of new badassery in the K-Pop scene (and yes, I just made up a word). I'm deeply upset by this because it has not given me the right amount of split-second time to call dibs on my new favorite of the month. 


Whether or not N.Sonic is truly bad ass or just pretending to be is irrelevant. We all know groups have to earn their bad ass stripes in this business, and sometimes a single member can surpass his group mates and be the sole focus of my undying love and devotion until someone else with equal and/or slightly more bad ass value comes along to be my new little pet that likes to bite.


BUT CAN YOU GUESS WHO MY FAVORITE IS? HUH? HUH? CAN YA? CAN YA?

The choice is obvious if you know me. Black J -- which I have to say is the one of the most bad ass stage names shrouded in mystery I have ever heard -- has captivated me. And if you don't know who he is, he's the one with the tattoo in the video (or the one on the far right). HE SEALED THE TKPA DEAL WITH THE TATT, OKAY?? Don't judge me.


And of course, OF COURSE, he has to be the maknae. What is it lately with these young guys coming in and claiming my attention and precious blog space? If this is a sign that I am getting old, oh please make it stop.


AND HE'S A RAPPER. OH SWEET MOTHER OF THE K-POP GODS WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME. 

From left to right we have, Black J, Eunho, J.Heart, Jonguk, and Byeol. They're quite delicious, aren't they?


The song "Super Boy" is really good for a debut song. Can they do better? Oh, yes, absolutely. It's nowhere near comparable to the half-boxing, half-puppy debut that Dalmatian had, but at the same time, in my highly biased opinion, it's still not even close to the likes of BEAST and MBLAQ's debuts. The overall style is really good, nothing atrocious to make us all go WTF?!


And N.Sonic scores some brownie points for going shirtless and dancing in the overhead sprinklers. I think someone must have been paying attention when I said FOREVER AGO that a fantastic and sure fire way to make a music video go from great to "oh-my-God-that-was-un-fucking-believable-oppa-have-my-babies" is flesh and water. 


Check out the video that's apparently been around since October from a group that my readers and Twitter followers totally "neglected" to tell me about. I know what happened. You took one look at Black J and thought, "Rapper. Tattoo. Hot. Bad Ass Potential. MINE." I don't blame you, though ... I would have done the same.


Watch "Super Boy" by N.Sonic and get used to these rookies because I'm near obsession.

TKPA

Hi, Minho! What's With the Voice?

Okay, this whole getting more into SHINee thing has been very beneficial. Simply because it has given me new things to write about, new subjects to lust over/talk dirty about.

Like Minho's deep voice. So yummy. I am extremely happy he is eighteen. And I mean extremely. It's even given me a teeny crush on him. I say teeny because Jonghyun is number one in my newbie SHINee lovin' heart.

Minho is a close second, though. I don't want to say a very close second, because Jonghyun has him beat simply because ... well, there's no logical or legitimate reason as to why he is first. Only because I said so.

TKPA

My Mind Drew a Blank When I Had to Think of a Title for This

Oh fuck.

FUCK.

Oh my ...

DAMN.

Just ...

FUCK!!!!!!!

Sex Apprentice ... damn, boy.

Seriously ....

Abs. Abs. More abs.

Happy trail.

Veins near happy trail.

FUCK.

Arms. So big.

Shoulders. OH God.

ANGRY SEX FACE FTW.

This is by far the most unintelligent, scatter-brained post I have ever done. Thank you, Joon.

TKPA

Aw, Kyu is All Grown Up!

And looking pretty damn sex, if I must say!

I'm loving the short hair. Dirrrty Geek finally looks like he's been pried from Starcraft and given a shower, shave, and haircut. He looks less of a complete nerd who would rather sit in front of a computer and play a game for five days straight than do anything else. Oh, but we know that nerd is still deep within.

That's okay, though. He kind of has the whole Clark Kent thing going on. But instead of a super hero who can fly and is faster than a speeding bullet, he's a pale Korean kid with a microphone and who can probably hack into your bank account and deplete your savings.

But Sungmin ... Oh, lovey. No. Just no, dear. Your hair is too silky and too bouncy and too feminine for a dude to be wearing. I'm sure Pretty Pretty Princess is throwing a shit-fit around the dorm, and I bet you two have even gotten into a bitch fight or two over the fact that he keeps stealing your shampoo. Sungmin, you should know better! Heechul is the one and only pretty member in Super Junior, and you're making him look ... well, slightly manly.

Whatever.

Kyuhyun looks damn hot. And that is the only important thing you should take away from this blog post.

TKPA

Nice to Meet You, One Way. Now Please Let Me Worship You.

I think I am in love, guys. Really.
Because, yeah there's that whole thing about One Way being a nice little breath of fresh air into the K-Pop scene, and I appreciate that as much as the next K-Pop obsessed addict. But really, I am in love with them because they are gorgeous and manly and just ... damn.

Okay, I'll go more into that later. There's a lot of it and I feel like I need to actually address their music, because it's awesome. Korea really needs a group like them because they aren't so much K-POP, emphasize on the pop part. I get a mixture of Ne-Yo and the ground-worship-worthy Justin Timberlake in their choreography and their sound. Amazing. I love them. I need more of them for a very, very long time.

One paragraph is good enough, right?

Yes.

DAMN THESE MEN ARE HOT!

Chance and his whole sex-suit-complete-with-hat? You're killing us already. And I firmly believe that Peter is amazing in the bedroom from the way he was dancing in the MV for "Magic." If any of you lucky bitches find out that answer, please share.
You know who is my favorite though, right? I mean, Chance and Peter ... yeah, they're damn hot and I found myself drooling slightly while watching them ... but as soon as Young Sky graced his face on my computer screen, I totally forgot about Chance and Peter. I'm sorry, it's true.

If men could procreate with each other, Young Sky would be the offspring of Sex God and Master GD. You know how I love my rappers and those raspy voices of theirs. He has the tone of Sex God, the animated qualities of Master GD, and the flow of it is a mixture of both. Damn I am in love with this man and I can assure you all that if he keeps it up, I will be saying, "Sex God who? Master GD who?"

And that is pure blasphemy for me to write that on this blog, as G Baby owns my soul and Sex God is my freaking kryptonite.

Oh, and the most beautiful thing about One Way? You can talk to them and they'll talk back. Follow them on Twitter:

@onewayonesound, @onewaychance, @onewaypeter, @onewayyoungsky

(And if you aren't following me on Twitter yet, what the hell is wrong with you?)
I need more of One Way. I'm so excited (or "essited") to see what they have to show us in the coming months! Keep up the amazing work, guys!

TKPA

What You're Missing -- Part VI

Dear WooyoUNF,

After Junsu is done getting clean, then dirty, then clean again, you're next. But I will use apricot scrub on you. And don't worry, you'll get dirty too. Then clean again. And maybe if you're a good boy, you'll get dirty one more time.

TKPA

What You're Missing -- Part V

Dear Dirty, Filthy Junsu,

I am currently drawing you a bath. Remove all your clothes, that furry piece of roadkill on your head, and get in the tub. I will scrub your body with papaya body wash and make you squeaky clean ... only to dirty you up later in bed by covering you from head to toe in sweat and saliva.

TKPA

What You're Missing -- Part IV

Dear Nichkhun,

Two things: I need to give you a nickname, and why the fuck are you wearing a shirt? Seriously, this picture is slightly less orgasmic because you're covered. You need to be half naked like Beastly Maknae. We know you have guns and abs. FLAUNT THEM.

TKPA

What You're Missing -- Part III

Holy hell, Big Booty Junee's chest!

Even more impressive than a half naked Junho is that he is wearing some army boots. Seriously, the role playing fantasies are going absolutely berserk right about now. All grimey and sweaty ... damn, damn, damn!

Junho, show up at my place wearing nothing but those. And bring that matching helmet with you. You might need it.

TKPA

What You're Missing -- Part II

Dear Sexy Beast Taek's hip,

I worship you. I will bow to you and the shrine of you I am currently making. It's a mold of milk chocolate, a replica of the real thing.

Dear Sexy Beast Taek's ass,

Where are you?

TKPA

What You're Missing -- Part I

Helloooo, Beastly Maknae!

Helloooo, Beastly Maknae's happy trail!

Helloooo, Beastly Maknae's abs!

Helloooo, Beastly Maknae's bulge!

Helloooo, Beastly Maknae's nips!

Thank you for blessing us with your presence.

TKPA

SEX GOD FLESH!

Yes, that's right. SEX GOD FLESH!

Just look at it. Look at that non-flab, semi-toned body. It looks wet. Like he just got out of the shower and threw on that white robe.

Damn.

Are your retinas burning? Mine are.

I am so surprised that Sex God would actually show his body in anything less than two layers. We all know how that man likes to cover himself up and make us wonder and imagine what is underneath all that cotton mystery. It's kept many of us tossing in turning in our beds at night, hoping and praying to the K-Pop Gods that he is no longer flabby and just ....

Well, he'll never be along the lines of King of Foreplay, but we've come to expect that. We know that's asking for too much.

This? Perfect.

Relax, lovelies. You can sleep peacefully tonight knowing that Sex God's body is pretty damn sexy and amazing, just like his face. And his voice. And him in general.

Thanks to @xAmyAshx for the tip!

PS -- There's question as to whether or not this is real. I say who cares? Enjoy it and think dirty about it.

TKPA

Hellloooooo, Jinon!

Ladies and gentlemen reading this blog ... we need a moment of silence to honor this luscious, tan Korean.

.......................

Moment over. Dirrrty time.

I know I'm late in vocalizing my absolute lust and oh-my-fucking-God feelings toward rookie Jinon, but there is no such thing as being late when it comes to the rookie group F.Cuz's leader. Well, unless you have a crazy one night stand with him and then you're "late" a month later ... but even then it's not a bad thing. Because that one-night-stand, unplanned baby would have half of Jinon's gene pool.

And plus ... you'd probably be poking a hole in the condom before he puts it on, anyway. Don't deny it. You know you would.

But DAMN this boy kills me. He has a bit of a smolder stare going on. And he's a rapper. And his voice is kind of deep and raspy when he raps. And you all know how much I love all three of those things, but when they're combined?

OH MY GOD.

Jinon, Jinon, Jinon ... my new rookie love (sorry Lips of Sex and Sex Apprentice. And Jun Hyung). I can't wait to see more of you. Raspy voice and smolder stare and all.

TKPA

I've Taken a Liking to Jonghyun

I tried avoiding listening to "Ring Ding Dong" when it first came out because everyone was saying it was stuck in their heads and I really don't need another Korean song stuck in my damn head. I did listen. And it is stuck in my head.

But more importantly, Jonghyun is my newest little crush. I'm not totally and one-hundred percent digging him. You all know me, though. In two weeks I'll be posting dirrrty things about him, because it might start out as a slight crush, but it will inevitably develop into something hardcore.

You know what? I take back that last paragraph. I was trying to locate another, better picture of him, when I stumbled upon this. I decided to skip the whole lusting-denying two week period and just post something dirrrty about this nineteen-year-old.

Oh, man. Look at his jaw, his facial expression. It looks like he's moaning into the microphone. Because yes, I'm down there.

Damn this little crush just spun way out of control.

TKPA

Dear Thunder ... Damn Boy

I didn't know you had it in you. I didn't know that you had the capability of bringing sex appeal to the stage and incorporating it into the performance. When I look at you, Thunder, I am just reminded of all the countless times allkpop shoved down our throats that you are Dara's little brother. I'm sure you love your sister, but I'm also sure even you're sick of it.

Seriously, though, boo ... I don't know if it's this picture, the angle, if your jaw just wanted to come out to play, or all of the above. I don't care, actually. I appreciate any amount of hotness when I stumble across it, even if I've seen you a bajillion times in performances and in pictures. You've always had the cute kind of sex appeal ... but in this picture ...

Maybe it's just me, but I'm loving it and I'm loving you. That's all that really matters, now isn't it?

TKPA

Seulong, I Apologize

I've never properly [publicly] admired your body. What the hell was I thinking? I'm sorry, boo. Your V-shaped torso drives me insane.

Your shoulders are broad and they look strong. Like you could pick me up, toss me over your shoulder, and carry me into your bedroom and toss me on your bed right before ripping your shirt off. Your pecs just pop out and demand my attention, as do your abs.

But you know what I love about you the most, Seulong? The fact that you're the only member in 2AM that I think looks good with or without clothes on. The other members should always be shirtless. But you? I'll accept you either way because your face does it for me as well.

TKPA

Well, Hello There, Eli

Hello, eighteen-year-old, barely legal Eli from U-Kiss. You're looking delicious with the whole blonde hair, extremely ticked facial expression from "Man Man Ha Ni." You're lucky that Master GD has softened my tolerance to Asian men with blonde hair. A few months ago I wouldn't have even looked at you twice.

You're 5'11", insanely hot, a rapper, and American. Also pictured is Ki Sub, but I'll talk about him another day, because I really want to post this picture of Eli with black hair. He is just looking incredibly good.

I will oblige you and your shirt. I'm so glad I stumbled upon your holy hotness after you turned eighteen. Really, I am incredibly glad.

Watch "Man Man Ha Ni" MV and marvel over the boy when he says, "You're such a bad, bad, bad girl."

TKPA

No Tricks, Just Treats

I love MBLAQ. I really do.

I love them so much that I'm only going to say a few, brief, incredibly dirty sentences about each picture. It's the least I can do for the rookies.

SeungHo, your lips are so fucking gorgeous, I just want to suck on them. And lick them. And bite them. And nibble them. And kiss them. And have them all over my body, leaving saliva trails on my skin. Just saying, I would not mind a hickey from you. Not if they were left with those lips. And that fucking banana, boo? Just amazing.

Oh, God ... Joon ... you look so good even fully clothed. Normally, I'd yell at any idol for covering up the body, but look at you. It's obvious that the oozing sex factor is there, it's just being contained. The reason I am so okay with you wearing clothes, is because I am currently  imagining you yanking off that jacket, throwing it on the floor, while I hurriedly try to pull your shirt off. See? I'm okay with clothing. It can always be removed.

I love this picture of all the boys. Thunder looks surprisingly good in an arrogant, don't-necessarily-want-you-but-I-feel-like-I-should way. Mir  ... you totally look like the cute AV nerd that has the whole ugly duckling syndrome thing going on. I think it's the only time a woman has ever had a fantasy about a male librarian. SeungHo, I WANT. I WANT. I WANT. G.O your expression tells me this: "I know, I'm not wearing shades. I look ten fucking million times better, don't I?" The answer is Y-E-S. Joon, I fucking love you.

And you know, even though Mir doesn't have a drool-worthy bod underneath that geek-chic look the stylist forced him to wear, he still looks pretty damn good. BUT DO YOU SEE JOON'S BICEP? Do you? Do you see how shredded it is? I'd arm wrestle you any day. And by "arm wrestle," I mean let-you-pin-me-down-to-the-bed. Of course I cannot forget my lovely SeungHo, who is working that wife-beater. I'd rather see him in those amazing pants, but I'll deal with this.

I'm not even going to say anything, you won't even be reading, anyway. You're just focusing on Joon's abs, aren't you?

Aren't you?

I don't blame you.

TKPA

Teddy Park: Best Producer Ever

And of course, he's hella hot, which is always a fantastic plus.

It seems like everything that Teddy touches/produces is golden. Hell, even Lady Gaga wanted him to work with her and produce a song or two. I'm not really a big fan of the Lady (or any kind of fan, actually), but I give her credit for recognizing the best that South Korea has to offer, and quite possibly one of the best in the world.

The fact is that Teddy is talented as hell, dating back to his days in front of the microphone as a part of 1TYM and even up 'til now, when he's on the other side of the sound-proofed room in the studio, helping all our favorite artists produce hits.

Teddy will -- without a doubt -- be a massive success whenever he crosses the Pacific and finds himself in America. And with him teaming up with BIGBANG when/if YG ever decides to please us American fans and give us the boys (we'll take care of them, I swear!), there are bound to be chart-toppers and hit after hit.

Teddy in leather and on a motorcycle? Hell yes.

Teddy, boo ... come to America. I'll be your personal assistant, fetching you coffee, chauffering you around town, taking your clothes to the dry cleaner, and I'll even play wingman while out at the club (not that you'd need help, you can pretty much get any woman you want).

All I ask is that, in return and on top of a nice paycheck courtesy of YG, is that you allow me to have two nights off a week. One for Master GD and one for Sex God.

After all, I am one half of TKPAgon and one half of TOPA.

TKPA

Much, Much Better G.O

Kudos to the stylist in charge of SeungHo's pants and for also stealing G.O's sunglasses and tossing them in a nonchalant manner out the window before a bus drove by.

Because G.O looks a million times better without the shades. I know I wrote a post a while ago saying that Asian men look ten times hotter with sunglasses on, but in the case of our dear G.O, that could not be further from the truth.

Never wear the shades, bb. Your smokey eyes need to be staring at us, making us feel weak in the knees and making us want to blush and grin like an idiot. Plus, with your facial hair, the shades make you look like a bit of a creeper. Kind of like the guy who is sitting too close for our comfort on a public bus and we have no idea if you're staring at us or not because the glasses hide your eyes.

That's creepy and you are too handsome to be creepy.

TKPA