Everything I've Missed All At Once

Oh, hello there! It's me, TKPA. I know, it's been so long since we've seen each other last. Did you cut your hair?


We all know I suck from time to time with this thing, but just because I have been absent from the K-Pop scene doesn't mean I've neglected it completely. Here is mostly everything I have missed:


Heechul Enlists, Army is Now Fierce

I have never been able to picture Heechul in the army. There is just a certain quality about him. I guess it's the fact that he likes to dress up as a Korean Lady Gaga -- and no, that is not a comment about his sexuality, it's a comment on how he likes to stand out. Heechul does not like to blend in and be "like everyone else." And in the Army ... that's pretty much all it's about.

So when it finally came time to say bye-bye to that perfect complexion, a lot of his fans were heartbroken and scared. I just kept thinking, "Why is everyone freaking out? His leg injury will land him a desk job." Because of the metal rod in his leg, I doubt that the South Korean Army would require him to do anything physical, anything in the field. So if North Korea throws a hissy fit (let's hope not), Heechul will be safe and sound.

Still, it's sad that Super Junior has to go yet another lengthy time period without yet another member in tow. I will miss Heechul and all of the outlandish, arrogant things he does and I can't wait until he returns (until then, how about ALL of Super Junior just go enlist at the same time so two years, done and over with and we can get back to making music).

And then there was ...

Heechul Finishes Activites ... Why Didn't Kangin?

I saw in a few tweets that some people were upset that before enlisting, Heechul completed all sorts of activities, even filmed a new music video ... yet Kangin didn't. Well, unless you count his hands in "Sorry Sorry (Answer)." Maybe I didn't get the whole story or why people were upset ... but Kangin wasn't technically allowed to be a part of any of Super Junior's activities. He was still placed on hiatus stemming from his two drunken indiscretions, making it impossible for him to be a part of anything.

And taking a shot in the dark here, but I think that maybe he also wasn't in the right frame of mind at that time, maybe he was a little depressed at his actions. And maybe because he had let so many people he cared about down, he decided he needed a change and needed a chance to better himself. Personally, I would much rather Kangin come back to Super Junior because he in his heart is ready and is passionate about it, not come back because the group's schedule demands it.

More important than physical health is mental health. Remember that.

Oh, and there was also ...

Jay Park Goes Blonde and Has a Bajillion Stupid Tattoos

Seriously, Jay? There's just so much all going on with all of this.

Like, first of all ... blonde looks very weird on you. I know some idols can pull that unnatural shade off ... but you are definitely not one of them. You look like you're going to eat my soul or some freaky horror movie shit. I'm sorry, I know a lot of you liked it, but to me it doesn't suit him well. We all make mistakes, it's just hair. Easily fixable.

These tattoos, on the other hand ... really?

I'm all for someone getting a tattoo, I have nothing against them. Just don't get something stupid and insignificant and dear God, think about placement.

Stars on your neck? Seriously? Tattoo profiling here, but that makes me think that you are either: a) a stripper who has had drug problems and is trying to live a "clean" life, but can't seem to find an actual day job, b) a white girl from the suburbs who is auditioning for Step Up 12, c) a guest on Jerry Springer. Stars on the neck are as TRASHTASTIC as you can get.

The AOM tattoo ... okay, I get that it is something very meaningful and important to you (unlike the stars which is just fucking stupid) ... but the placement of it ... dude. Come on. You're killing me. Behind the ear? That is where girls get tattoos because they want to rebel and think "no one will ever see it because my hair will cover it, but just knowing it's there is good enough." STOP GETTING CHICK TATTOOS IN CHICK PLACES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. I like the AOM tattoo because it's significant, but behind the ear?!

You're not gangster, Jay. If anything you remind me of the little bleach blond Chinese man in Rush Hour.

And I do not get this tattoo, nor can I even read it. All I can see is "Forever" and everything else is just a blurry mess. Down the forearm? Again, you're killing me. Did anyone close to you, as you were in the tattoo shop, the stenciled placement on your arm as you look in the mirror to see that it's in the right place, stop you and say, "Hey, you're going to be old one day. You're going to be wrinkly and shriveled and these tattoos are going to look like shit and you're going to scare your grandchildren, who will forever wonder if you were an infamous drug dealer in Korea?"

I hope you read this, Jay. And I hope you take my words into consideration as you ponder your next tattoo, which I strongly believe should be "Fuck You TKPA." I will put that on my Christmas cards for all eternity.


Speaking of Blondes and Tattoos ...

You all know how much I love G-Dragon, and that means that because I love him so much more than others (I'd say he's definitely in my top three), I have to be that much harder on him. There's no favoritism here!

I actually like this. I don't like it on the forearm, but it's different and it's artsy, which describes GD completely. I think it could have been placed somewhere else, but I don't have a big problem with it. I have a bigger problem with what he's wearing -- I didn't know that cut off bermuda shorts were popular with the men in Korea.

However ...

I had no idea what the hell this was. To be honest, I still have no idea. I was never into Dragon Ball Z, if that is even where this is from. I do not know if there's any significance to it, this honestly confuses the hell out of me. It really does. I don't really like it (partly because I don't understand it) but I will admit that I do think it's stupid.

More importantly, I just wanted to post a picture of G-Nips on the blog.

I have also heard that he had three tattoos done ... and so far we've seen two. So if that rumor is actually true and there is one more piece of body art left to be discovered, what is it and where is it located? Any thoughts on what it could be?

And could someone please tell me what this second tattoo means?


TAE TAE ALTERED THE FAUX HAWK. RED ALERT. RED ALERT.

It was like the Earth was going to implode or something when Taeyang dyed the tips of his legendary faux hawk a dirty blonde.

When I first heard about it, I thought he changed his whole hairstyle. And I was so scared because there is only so much that boy can do with the existing amount of hair he has, so I honestly believed he shaved his head. And I was about to cry because baldy Tae Tae is not acceptable. Then I saw that my beloved little spikey 'do was still intact, just freshened up a bit.

Quite frankly, I could care less if he dyed it rainbow colors. Just as long as he doesn't have a bald head or corn rows or dreads. Anything else, I'm good with.


Tae Tae's Older Brother -- Hot or Eh?

I know some of you think Taeyang's older brother is hot and gorgeous and looks just like Tae ... I don't see it. I mean, they have the same eyes ... but that's about it. Taeyang -- in my opinion -- is way hotter and definitely twenty times more gorgeous than this brother. You don't have to agree, that's fine. And if you want to jump the Tae ship and go after his bro, thinking "I'll never get Tae, but his brother looks enough like him so it doesn't matter," .... well, one you're an awful human being. And two, that's less competition for me, so go ahead and be awful so I can have Tae Tae all to myself.

He's cute, I don't think that family can produce ugly ... but I'm too obsessed with Tae to settle.

I'm willing to sacrifice my claim in the oldest brother so that you all may have equal fighting and sharing rights. How selfless of me, I know.


One Way: Peter, Young Sky ... Where's My Chance? (WARNING: ALL CAPS)

WHERE IS MY KOREAN JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AND WHY ISN'T HE IN THE ONE WAY TRIO ANYMORE?

WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE? WHAT HAPPENED? I HAVEN'T BEEN AWAY THAT LONG HAVE I?

WHY DON'T PETER AND SKY TALK TO CHANCE ANYMORE ON TWITTER? WHY ISN'T HE IN THEIR COVERS? AND IF HE ISN'T IN ONE WAY, WHY IS HIS TWITTER NAME STILL "ONEWAYCHANCE"? DOES HE THINK WE WON'T LOVE HIM ANYMORE IF THEY ADMIT HE ISN'T IN THE GROUP?

OR IS HE JUST PULLING A BEYONCE AND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AND DOING SOME PRODUCING ON HIS OWN RIGHT NOW BUT HE'LL BE BACK SOON MAKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WITH PETER AND SKY AND MAKE MY EARS GO TINGLE TINGLE EVERY TIME HE SINGS?

I NEED CHANCE IN MY LIFE, GUYS. I NEED ALL THREE ONE WAY BOYS IN 1/3 DOSES.

EVEN CHANCE'S BROTHER DOESN'T HAVE "CHANCE FROM ONE WAY'S BRO" IN HIS TWITTER INFO ANYMORE. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

THEY'VE TURNED ME INTO A CRAZY PERSON. I NEED HIS BEAUTIFUL VOICE AND I NEED PETER'S VOICE AND I NEED SKY'S RAPS. THEY ALL WORK TOGETHER PERFECTLY AND THAT IS WHY WE LOVE THEM.

I'm going to cry :(

Seriously, those are all legit questions and I really hope that whatever is going on between them, they are able to work out and continue making great music together and continue making us adore them. Though we all want to know what is going on, I know that it isn't our place to know and that it is a private matter between the three of them. I will say that even if they are splitting up and they will no longer be the trio we've all come to love and connect with, I and many others will continue to support and love all of them.

Like many fans, I not only appreciate One Way because of their music, but because of their dedication to their fans. Sure, they hadn't been the most popular in Korea, but by reaching out to us on Twitter, they gained fans from all over and connected with us. I really am appreciative for that, because not many of our favorite idols are able to reply to us, and if they do it is only to a handful of people very rarely.

If the guys are reading this (not likely, but you never know; for all I know Peter could have bookmarked the blog so he'd know if anymore "bomb" cookies were on his way to him), I do hope that whatever happened between you is worked out. Not for the fans, but for yourselves and the friendship you all have.

Until then I'll wait patiently for the answers and hope that this is all just a rough patch.


Who the Eff is Heart2Heart?

So I haven't been the most active lately, but as you can see I have been paying attention to what is going on. And I've been seeing a lot of people on Twitter talking about "Heart2Heart" and I have been so confused as to who these guys are and why they're relevant to K-Pop.

And then I found out that the guy who is doing their mixing, also did it for BIGBANG and 2NE1. And THEN I found out that they are like the little proteges for Lance freaking Bass and I was like HELL YES. Because you should all know by now that *NSYNC covered my walls in my teeny bopper years, that I went to EVERY tour, and when/if JT ever gets his head out of his ass, I will be the first in line to buy tickets to a reunion tour, because *NSYNC kicks BSB's ass any day. They were and will always be my ultimate bias.

So, anyway ... the affliation with Lance has me hooked. I don't need to know anymore about these guys, they have the stamp of approval in my book.

But just for kicks ... from left to right, their ranking on the TKPA Hot-o-Meter (sucky name, but it does the job!) from 1-10:

Brayden: 5 (Don't dig the blonde hair, blue eyes look)
Nico: 10 (Helloooo)
Chad: 8 (You look a little too douchey for my liking, but still hot)
Pete: 5 (Blonde hair, blue eyes)
KX: 10 (Helloooooooooooooooooooo)

Oh, if only you were actually Korean, I could blog about KX and Nico all the time. So sad.


My Super Junior Babies ARE ON FIRE

HOLY SHIT GUYS.

THIS IS AMAZING.

PURE AMAZING.

TOO MUCH AUTOTUNE, BUT I DON'T CARE.

FINALLY SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T SOUND OR LOOK LIKE "SORRY SORRY."

I am sooooo incredibly stoked and giddy and excited about this. You have no idea. They all look so sexy and FLAWLESS and the song itself is sexy and powerful and gets you amped up. It's PERFECT. ABSOLUTELY PERFECTION.

You know looks really hot in this, not just hot but really good? Shindong. Whatever he's been doing, keep it up, because he looks slim and confident and that's always sexy. Siwon ... holy crap I almost lost it. He looks scary sexy, like sinister sexy. And Leeteuk ... oh, yes please! THEY ALL LOOK SO AMAZING I WANT TO KIDNAP AND KEEP THEM ALL.

I want more of THIS from SuJu. This is what they should have given us instead of "Mr. Simple." That was too much like "Sorry Sorry" and I wanted to see what else they can do without it saying, "Remember us? We did that one song that everyone loved! If you loved that, you'll love this too!"

They just showed me what else they can do, and now I will shut up and watch this a thousand more times because I honestly cannot get enough of this.


Memories of Korea

The other day I had a follower say he sent me an email and wanted me to take a look at a video he compiled about his recent trip to Korea.

It's a really great way to show life in South Korea and you should take the time to watch it. Follow Pat at @patleezy on Twitter and, rather than comment here what you thought about it, tell him. I'm sure he'll appreciate the direct feedback.

So this ends my massively long blog post, and you should all be commenting your little butts off because I have literally been typing this for three hours straight. So comment, retweet, send to all of the people that have been mentioned in this post (because like always, I will do the same and if they see the same link sent fifty times, they're bound to see it).

Have a great day and a great rest of the week if I don't have a chance to get on here again (maybe Thursday, but we'll see!)

TKPA

Where's the Simple Part?

I finally had a chance to watch Super Junior's new MV for "Mr. Simple" this morning, and kind of having mixed feelings about it. I love seeing my first k-pop love again, seeing new things from them ... but at the same time there was no much that I felt wasn't "new."

It threw me for a loop in the beginning of the MV, when Siwon is focused in on and then Heechul walks by and then Kyuhyun is standing where Siwon should be. To be honest, I looked away for one quick second and the next thing I know Kyuhyun was there. Then I couldn't believe that I mistook Kyu for Siwon and I honestly thought I was a bad fan because I didn't recognize him -- my favorite maknae of all-time (shhhh, don't tell P.O!).

And then Donghae walks by and again, I was so freaking distracted by watching Eunhyuk's jacket fly through the air and magically glide up his arms and onto his shoulders that I didn't notice after Hae walks by the Kyu turns back into Siwon. So at the end I just see Siwon standing there and I'm like "WTF NO YOU WEREN'T THERE!"

SME, why you making us fangirls feel like we're losing our minds?

Then again I have a crappy attention span.

The video starts and I have to admit ... not much of a giddy, excited reaction this time around. Although I did have to replay the beginning a few times because I swear as soon as Leeteuk says, "Hey, I'm Mr. Simple," there is a sound-bite of the Facebook chat notification, that "pop."

But once everything starts and the lights are flashing, distracting you from their choreography -- which is absolutely plain in comparison to previous MVs -- I can see where a lot of people have compared it to "Sorry, Sorry" and "Bonamana." It's the same beat, same sound. And I think because of the fact that "Sorry, Sorry" was such a massive hit, they want to try to duplicate that success, so by making their first singles off these last two albums sound identical to the beat of "Sorry, Sorry" they think they'll have another hit on their hands.

The choreography is really good in some parts, like I love the "x dance" as some of you are calling it. But as for the chorus, it truly is like the "da da da da da da da da da" circle motion in "Sorry, Sorry," only they are standing still and doing it slower.

It's a new song, a new album, a new look for every single one of them ... give us something fresh and exciting.

As far as look goes ... perfect. No complaints at all from me (which you should all know by now is seldom).

Perfect.

 

Perfect.

And as far as Leeteuk goes ...

Yes, please.

Like I said, I like the song a lot, not particularly crazy about the video, but I'm really happy that Super Junior is back once again and I'm so excited to see more from them.

And if I'm not mistaken, I think one of the producers that took part in that atrocious ELF anthem called me out via Twitter and said he'd really like to hear my review for "Got Your Number."

Oh, bring it.

Check out the new MV for Super Junior's "Mr. Simple."

TKPA

Kangin is POSSIBLY on Twitter

I have evidence for the Pro and Con sides of the current situation as to whether or not Kangin, whom we all miss greatly since he entered the military, has joined us in Twitterworld.

PRO:

He tweeted this picture on April 27th of himself in military uniform. And from the quality of it, you can tell it was taken by his cell phone.

If the account is fake, then they went through a heck of a lot of trouble obtaining this picture, because I'm 95% positive that if this had been released, forums and sites would have written about it and I would have seen your spastic tweets of excitement.

Oh and he looks so precious in that uniform!

CON:

He has been tweeting from his account since the end of JANUARY and no one knew? I mean, really? An idol cannot sneeze without it immediately being front page news and everyone offering "fighting" for his/her health.

AND he is only following three members of Super Junior, none of which are following him back, not even Leeteuk. So either he hasn't talked to any of them, and when he has, "Hey follow me on Twitter!" is the last thing to come to his mind, or when he's talking to them and retweeting them, they don't see it because they get flooded with tweets from fans so they don't know he's talking to and following them.

Where the hell is Shindong to confirm this for us? He's slacking.

Follow the may-be-might-be-could-be-possibly Kangin Twitter account and judge for yourself!

TKPA

ELFs Now Have an Anthem

I debated on whether or not I should hide my true feelings about this song and let you form your own opinion, or if I should rip the band-aid off like I do with everything else.

I wouldn't be me if I kept the band-aid on.

This is awful. Horrendous. Atrocious. As the French would say, c'est très mal. Any other synonym for "bad" you can think of. This ... song, if that's what you want to call it, makes Rebecca Black's recent disaster seem like epic gold. And if that nauseating voice of hers seems golden, then you know this shit is bad.

I know you're all excited because these big songwriters and producers, who have not only worked with Super Junior but other big names in the music industry, created this for you ... but come the fuck on this is a slap in the face to the fans.

We are not all thirteen and fourteen year old girls, okay? Not all of us find Super Junior to be cooler than polar bears, because quite frankly those are hilarious animals and they live in the damn Arctic Circle, so if you want to get technical about it, I'm pretty sure polar bears are "cooler." This whole song caters to the young teenagers and I feel like I need to shove a bunch of Bubblelicious in my mouth and blow a bubble the size of my head.

And sorry sorry sorry, but the line "Sorry Sorry Sorry has a really good beat!" ... ARE YOU KIDDING? This is really a line written by professional songwriters? This whole song was written by professional producers?

Really?

I mean ... REALLY?

This is such an insulting song to Super Junior fans. We're not all thirteen. We're not all bubblegum teeny boppers. Any song that compares Super Junior to pizza, polar bears, and popcorn should not be classified as a song.

If you like the song, that's great. That is your opinion. This is my opinion, so leaving me comments about how my opinion isn't absolute and blah blah blah will get you nowhere except making you feel like "you told me" for about five seconds. I respect your taste and not once in this post did I criticize the people that like it, I criticized the styling of the song and the lyrics of the song. I criticized the people who produced it, not the ones who like it.

I mean ... really?

TKPA

Birthday Spotlight

Happy Birthday to the man who will forever be ten-years-old at heart!

How you have the ability to make us go "awwww" and then make us scream during a fangirl freak out, Donghae, I will never know. But I'm not complaining. It's working for you and don't you dare change one thing about your amazing, cute, sexy, adorable self!

Love you lots and hope that your birthday was amazing!

TKPA

Lady Heechul? Um ...

I don't know how I missed this ... but I believe it is safe to say that Heechul has raised the bar on this one. I don't know how he will top this.

This is just pure amounts of win combined with a touch of speechlessness. The resident diva of Super Junior pulls off the Lady Gaga ensemble quite well, I have to admit. Could you imagine if she included him in one of her music videos?

He'd outstage her in a heartbeat. She might be a diva, but she's an amateur compared to Heechul.

And Jokwon.

TKPA

In the Army Now

I have had mixed feelings about Kangin joining the army ever since he broke the news of his plans. Part of me wants to be sad considering he won't be active in Super Junior for the next two freaking years and that's actually quite depressing when you know how much energy and charisma he brought to shows. He is an entertainer and although I know full well the group will survive without him, it's like a tiny piece of Super Junior is being locked away for a later time.

Kangin is like the freshly baked cookie you really want to eat, but you know it will ruin your appetite (that's garbage, anyway. Like one cookie will make me not want to eat dinner), so you wait for it. And wait for it. And wait for it. Only instead of waiting an hour, we have to wait two years.

On the other hand, Kangin does seem to need some help following those two incidents, both unfortunately involving alcohol. Although I'm sad to see him go, I know it is what is best for him and that is the most important thing.

So, here's hoping that in two years, Korea's #1 Handsome Guy will be back and better than ever.

And to conclude this post, I have written him another poem. (Oh yeah, did you ever read the first one?)

Kangin, you're in the army now.
Remember to keep calm and know your place,
Or else you'll end up punching your drill Sergeant in the face.
You're probably trading Playboys and cigarettes,
Oh, where did you hide Sungmin's pink barrettes?
You know better than to tease him, silly boy!
And with you gone, there seems to be a little less joy.
But soon two years will fly right by,
Putting you back in the public eye.
I never thought that you were fat,
Though the army will change all that.
It's too bad that pictures of you ripped won't be in magazines,
We will just have to envision it in our dreams!
Now it's time that I say good-bye,
And pray to the K-Pop Gods I do not have to see Teuk cry.
Please come back soon, and maybe ... dress like a cow.

TKPA

Leeteuk, You Make It Hard to Defend You

I know today is supposed to be reserved for 2PM, but I need to take a moment to touch upon this subject. And the subject being it is incredibly hard to defend Leeteuk's manliness and sex factor when he does the following things:

Yes, it is ... um, artistic? ... and I am having huge GD flashbacks right now, but really ... this isn't necessary. This is never necessary.

Just like the shower cap is not necessary. And neither is this five-years-too-late-Myspace-default picture.

AND THIS IS NOT EVEN FUNNY. I mean, cool, you get facials and you relax and whatever ... I don't judge. If a guy wants to get all that done and pamper himself, then whatever. The guy works hard, he deserves to relax. But do you really have to put a picture of it on Twitter and make it nearly impossible for me to convince people that you actually are sexy?

Thankfully, pictures like the following surface, and people believe me.

It is still those few moments where people look at me as if I'm completely delusional and insane, when we all know that I am only partially delusional and insane.

C'mon, Teuk. Make it easy for me a little bit, okay? That's all I ask.

TKPA

Perez Hilton & K-Pop ... Hmm

I honestly have no idea why I decided to write about this, but I did so ...

I've seen a lot of tweets from you all about Perez Hilton and your dislike for him posting K-Pop on his blog. You're all entitled to your opinion, I'm not saying you're wrong or criticizing it in any way, shape, or form. I think maybe I just see a different side of things when it comes to his association with K-Pop, so I can't really hate on him too much.

I asked you all on Twitter how you felt about him and K-Pop, and some of you responded back (thank you, by the way). 

In a nutshell:

• Not really sure how to feel or don't care either way
• Dislike due to bad publicity towards idols
• Bad publicity is good publicity

I know what you mean, I get it. I get ticked off too when I read some of the comments people leave. For one, the grammar on 90% of them is atrocious and I think anyone who cannot comprehend the difference between "there" "their" and "they're" needs to go back to elementary school (those learning to speak English are excused). But also, you must take into consideration one thing:

What do your friends who don't listen to K-Pop say when you play them a song or show them a video?

They look at you like you're insane, right? I get it all the time from my friends and family. (I think that's why I love you all so much). People are very critical about things they don't understand, it is human nature.

I pulled a few comments from the video for "Lollipop 2" he posted.

"This is some of the worst crap I have ever heard!!! If this is a band you are promoting then you are in trouble!! If you like it you have no credibility to be on idol!! Oh yeah and nobody but your narscistic (sic) self thought ht (sic) Perez doll was clever or funny~"

"i hope these boys are gay there is no reason for grown ass men to be dressed that way"

"Proving once again that you know nothing about good music, Mario (as if your concert tour, or recording label didn't make that perfectly clear). "K-pop" and "amazingness" don't belong in the same sentance (sic)."

You get the point. Sad thing is that since his blog is so big and he has people ghostwrite for him (because there is absolutely no way a graduate of NYU writes "staid" instead of "stayed"), the option of screening comments and reading everything people post is impossible. At the same time, people are entitled to their own thoughts, no matter how idiotic they may be.

The reason I can't hate on him is because ... well, you should know by now ...

Perez Hilton is the person who introduced me to K-Pop.

If I did not read his blog a few times a week, I would not have stumbled upon Super Junior's "Sorry, Sorry." And then I would not have become addicted to K-Pop, meaning that I would have never created this blog. In a kind of weird, twisted way ... I owe a lot to Perez promoting K-Pop.

Yes, he doesn't do it often, and he only showcases a few groups, but the fact remains that he is getting the word out there about them. If I became curious enough to check out Super Junior, to see more from them, then I am pretty sure that others out there have done the same.

However, I will say that the minute he starts posting negative comments about these idols ... oh, I will help assemble the mob with pitchforks and torches. He can't control what close-minded people think or say, so it isn't necessarily fair to blame him for that. And as for him not being the appropriate person to be the "spokesperson" for K-Pop internationally ... well, I'll be more than happy to fulfil that role.

I'll have the world wiping up their drool puddles off the floor. I should probably sell hankerchiefs if I ever earn that role, huh?

Oh, and I will also say this ... if the dude comes near G-Dragon or T.O.P or any of my idol babes and blogs about them in a way that I would ... HELL NO WILL I ALLOW THAT SHIT.

He can post videos all he wants, but once he goes after my boys ... na-uh. That won't be tolerated. Because whatever unfunny, lame attempt he makes at talking dirty about them would be just that: an unfunny, lame attempt. If I see one, "seksi," "HAWT," "yummers," or if he tells any of them to lose their pants ...

No. There can only be one dirty blogger in the K-Pop world. And that is me.

Feel free to go at it in the comment section!

TKPA

THANK YOU, SM ENTERTAINMENT!

YOU KNOW HOW TO MOLD YOUR BOYS INTO PURE SEX!

Fuck, I love you, Eunhyuk. I mean, I'm not crazy about the whole French clown make-up thing you have going on. Quite honestly it's creeping me out just a bit and making me see you as a mime.

But that's why I am not focusing on your face and instead am looking at your naked torso with suspenders.

I really need to buy The Boyfriend some suspenders now.

TKPA

What ... Who ... Why ... SUNGMIN?!

Oh.

My.

God.

Is this real?

Yes, yes it is very real.

How the ...

When did ...

Sungmin has abs?!

Not just abs ...

HOLY-FUCK-ABS!!!!!

Dirty thoughts about that once cute little ...

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

SUPER JUNIOR BOYS HAVE BEEN CHANGING FOR THE BETTER.

MORE FLESH. MORE FLESH. MORE FLESH.

Damn.

TKPA

Oh, Sweet Shisus! Super Junior is Back!

I have been waiting for this day. I have been waiting for my ridiculously-numbered biases to come back. And of course, it being Super Junior, there is very little room for disappointment.

I know some people have criticized "Bonamana" and are taking a disliking to it ... all I can say to you is that you will change your mind, because I fully believe that Super Junior has this tiny little subliminal message in the form of ear cocaine embedded into each and every song. You will come to love "Bonamana." I guarantee it.

Last night the MV was released, and I didn't watch it until about five in the morning. And I know I have not covered ANY music video by way of spazzing blog post since BIGBANG released "Let Me Hear Your Voice." But it's freaking Super Junior and I love them and pretty much credit my entire addiction and this blog to them. So if you love me and this blog, you should be very thankful for the largest boy band in the world.

Let me start off by saying that I want all ten of them to take turns on a little spinning pedastal in the corner of my bedroom, lights shining all over their body. Mainly, (and I cannot believe I'm saying this, because it's just SO not me), I want Sungmin and Heechul rotating, because ... well ... they look pretty damn sexy.

I cannot believe I just said Heechul and Sungmin are sexy. This video has me all sorts of sexually confused right now. But I retract the previous opinion that Heechul's hair looks ridiculous and he's ugly, because it now actually looks good on him.

And it makes me happy to know that Leeteuk is showing flesh. And lots of flesh. In fact, just a jacket, nothing underneath it. I know that The Boyfriend really hates Teuk. No, he really hates him. He actually watched the video before I was able to, and while he credited the choreography and said he liked it a lot (he is a dancer and is pretty much the biggest fanboy to Taeyang), he also said there was a lot of "stupid parts" like "wearing a jacket with no shirt underneath. Is that necessary?" I of course not having seen the video, didn't know he was talking about Teuk. Now that I know, I think it's hilarious and adorable.

BUT DO YOU KNOW WHO CAUGHT MY ATTENTION MORE THAN ANYONE? MORE THAN TEUK FLESH? THAT ADORABLE LITTLE SEXY ASS GEEK, KYUHYUN.

Seriously ... I always thought when the day came that Teuk showed endless amounts of flesh, no other Super Junior member or K-Pop idol could distract me. But damn that Kyuhyun and the fact that he's pure sex in the video and now he has become one of the main dancers ... holy shit. There are good things in your future, Kyu. Very, very, VERY good things.

They all look so amazing and delicious. And I think I speak for all of you when I say the best dance move occurs between 0:55-0:58. Am I right or what? (Someone make a .gif and send it to me ASAP!!)

Although it is not the same with only ten members, I am ridiculously excited for the comeback stage and the live performances and the constant media-whoring these boys will do. Because you know damn well that Super Junior is compiled of attention whores. And that's why I love them.

Check out "Bonamana" and try not to drool on your keyboard.

TKPA

Say Whaaat?

Normally, "Say Whaaat?" is reserved for Mondays and Thursdays, but I seriously could not wait until Monday to do this so you're getting it on a Friday and you'll like it!

Leeteuk: I'm on a boat motherfucker, take a look at me. Straight floatin on a boat on the deep blue sea. Busting five knots, wind whipping out my coat. You can't stop me motherfucker 'cause I'm on a boat.

Yesung: Take a picture, trick. I'm on a boat, bitch. We drinkin' Santana champ 'cause it's so crisp. I got my swim trunks and my flippy-floppies. I'm flippin' burgers, you at Kinko's straight flippin' copies.

Han Geng: I'm ridin' on a dolphin, doin' flips and shit. The dolphin's splashing, gettin' everybody all wet. But this ain't Sea World, this is real as it gets. I'm on a boat, motherfucker, don't you ever forget.

Donghae: I'm on a boat, and, it's going fast, and, I got a nautical themed Pashmina afghan. I'm the king of the world, on a boat like Leo. If you're on the shore, then you're sure not me-oh.

Eunhyuk: Fuck land, I'm on a boat, motherfucker! Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker! I'm on the deck with my boys, motherfucker! This boat engine make noise, motherfucker!

Siwon: Shisus does not approve.

And for those of you who have lived under a rock, you should watch this.

TKPA

Leeteuk, You Have Some Splainin' to Do!

WHY?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULD LET THOSE EVIL COWS MANIPULATE YOU INTO DOING SOMETHING LIKE THIS. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MANIPULATES EVERYONE INTO DOING YOUR BIDDING. YOU COULDN'T JEDI-MIND-TRICK THEM INTO GIVING YOU SOMETHING HOT CIRCA "SORRY SORRY" AND "IT'S YOU?!"

YES, I KNOW I KIND OF THOUGHT THE WHOLE "DON'T DON" PHASE WAS HOT, MINUS THE RAT TAIL. BUT SERIOUSLY, TEUK, THIS IS AWFUL, AWFUL, AWFUL! I COULD KIND OF GET INTO G-DRAGON BLONDE, BUT THIS CAN'T EVEN BE CLASSIFIED AS BLONDE!

IT'S YELLOW! YOU HAVE YELLOW HAIR! WHY THE ... WHAT THE ... HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!

THIS IS FUCKING GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE. BUT YOU KNOW I WON'T DIVORCE YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT STUPID, UGLY HAIRSTYLE YOU WEAR, I WILL LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY AND I WILL LEARN TO FUCKING DEAL WITH IT AFTER BITCHING AND MOANING FOR TWO MINUTES. FUCK YOU AND YOUR COMPLIANCE WITH THOSE EVIL COWS. I HATE YOU BUT I LOVE YOU.

Sorry, I felt like typing this in all caps.

TKPA

Getting Better, But Still Hag-Like

Heechul, what the hell is going on?

This is just ... no. Pure and simple.

It's actually more like a HELL NO.

Your hair looks like a cheaply made, synthetic wig. Such a far, far, far, FAR cry from how gorgeous and beautiful you used to be.

I'm sorry to do this to you, but I must revoke your official TKPA nickname. You are no longer Pretty, Pretty Princess. Simply because you are no longer pretty. No, instead you shall be called Ugly, Ugly Hag.

Hopefully soon you will regain your former title. And I mean soon because Super Junior is just not as pretty and "flower boy" with you now. You're fuggin' up the whole line-up.

TKPA

Meat Market

Oh, sweet mother of God ...

Why is it always the Christian, no-premarital, tightly-wound-with-morals men that have the best bodies? I mean, really. If you think about it, it isn't very Christian-like to go around, parading your rippling abs and rock hard pecs, making girls think unholy, all while giving a brooding, sexy-laced stare that is guaranteed to send anyone who lusts after it condemned to eternal damnation, complete with fire and brimstone.

I'm going to K-Pop Hell, anyway, so I will be giving Abmighty Shisus a solid 10 and I will also bring this picture along with me on my journey to my jail cell in Hell.

1 – Did absolutely nothing for me
3 – Ehh, I've seen better
5 – Definite potential, but not my cup of tea
8 – Jaw-dropping
10 – Self-combustion

You know the deal, either comment or tweet me your rating and at the end of day, Abmighty Shisus will be judged. You have until midnight!

END RESULT: Shisus ended up with a 9.57 ... which rounds up to 9.6, which rounds up to 10. If he received anything less, it'd be blasphemy.

TKPA

Support Super Junior 4jib!

Super Junior is going to be releasing their fourth album soon. Do you know how happy this makes me?

More Leeteuk. More of my sexy-ass Dirrrty Geek. More of my delicious Arms of Sex. And hopefully more of my angry-but-lovable Kangin.

Korean ELFs are having a bit of a struggle to receive the proper amount of donations and support from the kELFs in order to promote shamelessly and ridiculously the SJ boys' fourth album, so they've asked for all international ELFs' help.

I am just going to copy and pasted everything from the TwELFs' blog, as that will make everything ten times easier and less confusing/frustrating for me to explain.

Hello~ This is Super Junior’s 4jib support team~

There has been some sayings about 4jib, and as SJ are expected to make their comback in the early May, we need lots of support from fans~!!

This year’s 4jib support is divided into two: Food Support and PR Support.

Here are the details about it:

Food Support

-For the three Music programs and Radios

Three music programs:

Since SJ will be making their comebacks to all three broadcasting stations (InkiGayo, Music Bank, and Music Core) we need to supply our Super Junior boys, SJ staffs (managers, drivers, coordinators, etc), broadcasting station staff (camera director, lights director etc), and other celebs on the show that day

The food will be full meals and some snacks.

Three radio stations:

Since LeeTeuk, EunHyuk, ShinDong, and HeeChul all have radio programmes, we will be supplying all three radio stations with food as well. Young Street (SBS), Sukira (KBS), and ShimShimTaPa (MBC), so we will be supplying some snacks for our boys, staffs, and guests for that day.

The parts of food will be from ShinDong’s parents’ chicken restaurant and from YeSung’s parents’ restaurant BabTol’s. ^^

The scale of Food support is really big!!! please participate!!!

PR Support

- PR Support will be divided into both ONLINE and OFFLINE.

Offline

Bus advertisement (the metropolitan area only):

Per 1 bus, they’re on the road about 8 to 12 times per one ride, so on average of one, there will be 780 to 800 people who will see the ad; effect the biggest. (It’s not only effective for the general public, but advertising on 8 to 9 buses equal the amount of money needed for making PR posters.)

The ad will be on buses with large passengers so that it’s not only for fans but general public as well.

Depending on the donation money, the number of days (start of the date) for PR will be changed~

Regarding the design for bus PR, we’ll upload it ASAP.

PR poster: Poster ads is undecided as there has been a lot of suggestions that Poster ad is not as effective in 3jib PR support.

Online

Putting up banners on MiniHompy (cyworld) and putting up links on blogs; banners and links will be directed to an online site telling about Super Junior and Super Junior’s fourth album.

Uploading PRing posts on each portal sites

Downloading mp3 files LEGALLY (they count a lot for music programs & awards in Korea!!)

Writing your messages to cheer on SJ (both post & replies on the official site); the words you write will be organized and sent to the members along with all the 4jib support goods. this will be at the official SJ support site.

The PR support might be cancelled if there aren’t enough donations..

IF YOU WANT OUR BOYS TO BE PRed, THEN PLEASE PARTICIPATE!!

OFFICIAL 4jib support home (mostly in KOR) http://sjbest4.ivyro.net

Just a few important details to remember:

There is a $5 USD minimum donation amount and the deadline is April 27th.

If you are reading this and you are from Indonesia, Australia, Malaysia, Brunei, Canada, Thailand, Vietnam, England, a Russian speaking country (such as Russia, Estonia, Ukraine, Belarus, Kazakhstan, Latvia, etc), Philippines, or Singapore then check out the full blog post by the TwELFs in order to see who you need to contact in order to donate.

If you're reading this from the States, then here's what you need to know:

If you wish to donate via PayPal, you can either click the little button below or on the right sidebar, or use the email address kpopaddict@live.com to donate here.

If you're worried that PayPal takes money away from your donation by way of transaction fees and would rather transfer the money to the brand new and completely-for-this-project-only bank account I opened today, then email me at tkpa@live.com to receive the account number and routing number. Please place in the subject line something Super Junior related that way I don't think it's spam and delete it.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ THE TWELFS' BLOG COMPLETELY ABOUT THIS PROJECT!

Donate what you can, but please act quickly as the deadline is approaching!

Thank you :)

TKPA

The Downfall of Heechul

All women experience it. We're cute and pretty while we're young, picking style over comfort, completely obsessed with our looks. I'm not ashamed to admit that.

As we age, our priorities change. Rather than picking out what dress we're going to wear to the club, we iron our work attire. Rather than doing impulsive things and acting on a whim, we make schedules and strictly abide by them. Rather than spending three hours getting your hair and make-up perfect and model worthy to make all the guys drool and want to marry us, we let ourselves go and instead focus those three hours getting our children ready for school and ironing our husband's dress pants.

I'm sad to say that Pretty Pretty Princess has let himself go.

Exhibit A:

"U" circa 2006.

See how pretty and delicate he is? How silky his hair is, how it flows? How that milky white skin envied by every female on the planet looks so fresh and porcelain-like?

Now it's time for Exhibit B:

"Sorry Sorry (Answer)" in 2009.

Clearly, Heech has settled down within those three years, married an amazing man, popped out a kid, and now is Career Woman. See the lack of proper conditioning in regards to his hair? The lack of make-up on that once milky white skin is horrendous. Yes, our dear Cinderella is channeling one of his step-sisters.

Such a shame.

I think I want to buy a bunch of Clinique products, a tub of conditioner, and wrap it nicely in a basket to send to him. Go back to being pretty, that's how the K-Pop Gods intended you.

TKPA

Aw, Kyu is All Grown Up!

And looking pretty damn sex, if I must say!

I'm loving the short hair. Dirrrty Geek finally looks like he's been pried from Starcraft and given a shower, shave, and haircut. He looks less of a complete nerd who would rather sit in front of a computer and play a game for five days straight than do anything else. Oh, but we know that nerd is still deep within.

That's okay, though. He kind of has the whole Clark Kent thing going on. But instead of a super hero who can fly and is faster than a speeding bullet, he's a pale Korean kid with a microphone and who can probably hack into your bank account and deplete your savings.

But Sungmin ... Oh, lovey. No. Just no, dear. Your hair is too silky and too bouncy and too feminine for a dude to be wearing. I'm sure Pretty Pretty Princess is throwing a shit-fit around the dorm, and I bet you two have even gotten into a bitch fight or two over the fact that he keeps stealing your shampoo. Sungmin, you should know better! Heechul is the one and only pretty member in Super Junior, and you're making him look ... well, slightly manly.

Whatever.

Kyuhyun looks damn hot. And that is the only important thing you should take away from this blog post.

TKPA

Uh ... Siwon?

Okay, I know you're all sex and religion rolled into one giant piece of yummy sin, Abmighty Shisus ...

Dude ... what's with the doily-shirt? And pants to match? Really?

I feel like I need to go to church and pray that someone steals that horrendous thing you call a shirt and burns it in some Hell fire.

Even the Holy have bad fashion sense. None of us stand a chance.

TKPA