MLBAQ's Blood, Sweat, Tears, and Oozing Hotness

Hello my lovely readers and/or followers! Hope you all had fantastic Holidays and I hope your New Year was amazing and that you're enjoying 2012 thus far ... also known as the last year of our lives ... just kidding.

Only MBLAQ can make me come out of my relaxation state on my day off to sit in an uncomfy chair and spazz relentlessly about them. And it's been so long since a proper MBLAQ spazzing has taken place that I feel a tad bit rusty, so if at any point it turns into straight out incoherent statements, I trust that those who speak "fangirl/fanboy" can interpret it into logical thoughts.

I have come to the conclusion that Joon likes guns.

He likes big guns.

Blueprints of them, even, so he can disassemble and then reassemble at his pleasing.

He spends so much time with his guns that he watches any movie where guns are the focal point. He saw Wanted in theaters thirty-seven times, partly because he wanted to learn how to curve a bullet, but mostly because he liked the soothing sound of Morgan Freeman's voice. All that studying and popcorn inhaling came to good use once he learned how to curve that bullet, though.

He likes to hoard his guns in a junkyard so no one will find him, because who in their right mind voluntarily goes to a junkyard?

Except for Thunder, who lives there as a care-taker, which in my opinion has to be the worst job ever.

And he also sleeps in a van.

Going out on a limb here, but I'm pretty sure Thunder has a certain ... aroma of the not pleasant variety.

The awkward moment when the girl you were going to kill has fallen for the less hot, non-weapon-carrying so-called, backstabbing best friend you've entrusted to take care of the target, who, looking back on it now, you've should have just pulled the trigger.

The dramatic portion of the video is basically Joon is going to assassinate this girl. Why? Who the fuck knows? Maybe she is late on paying her Macy's credit card bill, and you know sometimes those bill collectors can be a little hasty. But then he sees someone else wants to kill her and it's like OH HALE NO, so he rescues her and then takes her to THE MIDDLE OF A JUNKYARD TO RECOVER AFTER BEING SHOT. Seriously, I could not think of a more sanitary place than a junkyard.

And then, he leaves to play with his guns, and upon returning, he realizes that the girl he was going to originally kill has fallen for Thunder. He gives major bitchface, more bitchy than Joon has ever given (bravo, bb, bravo!), and then pulls her outside. Thunder and Joon get into a fight, Joon pulls a gun out on them ... and then after this I get like ... huh?

Does Joon purposely try to kill himself by curving the bullet around them to come back like a boomerang? It really had to be that dramatic? And then when he dies, they pull out what I think are plane tickets ... so why couldn't you just say "HEY, BRO, I'm taking her away so she'll be safe!" Then you wouldn't have had to die and Thunder would be all "Cool, bro, call me when you land, and please resist the urge to kill her during your travels."

JOON'S DEATH WAS UNNECESSARY TO THE PLOT. IT COULD HAVE ENDED PEACEFULLY.

Also the girl choosing Thunder over Joon is completely unrealistic. I mean, why would you choose Thunder, someone who quite possibly smells and can only offer you the tallest compost pile on the lot, versus Joon, a sexy gun-toting bad ass who fell under your spell and wants to whisk you away for a thrilling life on the run? Yes, in reality I'm positive Thunder smells a heck of a lot better than Joon's unhygenic ass, but we are not talking about reality. We're talking about entertainment. And I want to see Joon not dead at the end of my music video watching experience.

Oh and you think this post is over ... but we still have three other members who weren't included in the dramatic plot. What's up with that? (I blame it on Rain being in the army).

OH MY BEAUTIFUL SEUNGHO. PLEASE NEVER EVER CHANGE. YOUR LIPS. YOUR HAIR -- NOT QUITE WHAT I AM USED TO ON YOU BUT STILL PERFECTION AT ITS VERY DEFINITION. I CAN EVEN HANDLE THE COLOR BECAUSE IT ISN'T THAT AWFUL BLONDE, IT IS A REAL COLOR FOUND IN NATURE. AND WHEN YOU CRY ... OH DEAR LORD WHEN YOU CRY I JUST WANT TO KISS THOSE PINK STARBURST JUICY LIPS AND TELL YOU IT WILL ALL BE OKAY AND BLOT THOSE TEARS AWAY WITH A TISSUE.

NEVER. EVER. EVER. EVER. EVER. EVER CHANGE.

MIR YOU ARE ALL GROWN UP AND ANGRY AND SEXY AND I JUST WANT TO MAKE TIGER NOISES AND PAW AT YOU ALL SEXILY BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST ON A WHOLE NEW LEVEL AND I FUCKING LOVE WHOEVER STYLED YOU. FLAWLESS AND YOU HAVE NEVER LOOKED BETTER.

AND OF COURSE A SPAZZ FEST WOULD NOT BE COMPLETE WITHOUT SOME G.O ACTION. THOUGH I MISS YOUR MUSTACHE, YOU STILL LOOK HELLA FINE WITHOUT IT AND DEAR LORD YOU JUST OOZE HOTNESS. EVERYTHING YOU DO IS AMAZING AND PERFECT AND I LOVE YOU.

Since I already talked so much about Thunder and Joon at the beginning of this post, all I will say is this:

Thunder looks so much more ... complete with eye-liner. Let's not push it to "I'll Be Back" proportions, but a little goes a long way.

I have never seen Joon more flawless in any video. Seriously, he is in the top five of the most gorgeous K-Pop idols.

I would say to check out their new video if you haven't yet, but who would I be kidding?

REWATCH AGAIN AND AGAIN THE NEW MLBAQ VIDEO!

TKPA

MBLAQ Needs Some Tissues for "Cry"

MBLAQ rarely disappoints me. I don't think they ever have, to be honest. I love all their videos, I love their songs ... and "Cry" is no different.

From beginning to end, this was a beautiful music video. The choreography was excellent (of course, because Rain choreographed it), the song is so depressingly beautiful and their vocals deliver that heartache and longing to your ears. To have that ability, to make someone feel your pain through your voice ... that's such an amazing gift.

It seems like the general consensus of this MV is that it's perfect except for the make-up. And I have to throw in the clothes into the bonfire too. We all know that MBLAQ hasn't had the nicest of stylists in the past. Sometimes they hit it dead on and get gold stars all across the board. Other times they fall really, really, insanely short.

Thunder ... he's kind of all over the place. Hair, ehhh not really the best color on him, but it's been much worse so he is improving. And he should have ditched those necklaces because they just look so odd with that type of jacket. Eye make-up to that degree is never acceptable.

Oh, my precious SeungHo. Sweetheart, please please please get rid of that orange hair. It's not sexy on you, not at all. Go back to brown, or red, or HEY! Even black! Go au naturale, pretty please. Other than that, you kind of have it right with the clothes, but whatever that necklace/belt chain thing is just provokes confusion and takes us away from your face and your lips.

I laughed when the camera first focused on G.O. Poor guy has his bangs all in his eyes and he reminded me of one of those furry, mop-looking dogs that can't ever see because their hair grows down in front of their eyes. I mean, not one stylist could have been like "Hey, let's just trim this about 1/4 of an inch"? You can't even see his eye make-up (which is a good thing, but still), except for a few little sparkles peeking through.

Cute little Mir is all grown up and better than ever. I never feel a disappointment with him, he seems to always be able to pull off certain things better than the others. Though he can't pull off the eye make-up. I repeat, eye make-up to that degree is never acceptable.

And I much as I love this man (and if you've been reading this blog long enough, you know I LOVE him), Joon just ... oh, no honey. No, no, no. There's just too much going on here.

I will say, the hair color looks fantastic. Definitely a keeper, please don't ever change it (though I know you will). And of course, his hotness factor is always present. Even if you put a paper bag over his head, you would still know he's hot. But those gloves? No, they aren't really doing it for me. He looks like he just came back from his shift at the wharf unloading fish from the boats. I don't want to think of smelly, dead fish when I look at you, Joon. The necklace is unnecessary.

You're a man wearing a suit. Honey, you don't need a necklace.

EYE MAKE-UP TO THIS DEGREE IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE. I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE. I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE RAIN, IF YOU'RE T.O.P, OR WHOEVER. 2PM DID IT WITH "I'LL BE BACK" AND THEY LOOKED RIDICULOUS. WHY WOULD YOU SUBJECT YOURSELVES TO THIS RIDICULE, MBLAQ?!

Please no more eye make-up! You don't need it to make you look better because you're already hot.

Check out MBLAQ's new MV for "Cry" below!

TKPA

Let's Just Stare

Sweaty. Lips. Hair. SeungHo.

PERFECTION.

TKPA

We've Reached an Agreement

My apologies to Thunder. I have never really given you the proper fangirl freak out that you deserve. When you first debuted with MBLAQ, you ... you weren't ... well, you looked like a complete dork and reminded me a little too much of your big sis, so it was hard to even look at you with any ounce of attraction.

But I shouldn't have been so harsh on you in your freshly debuted days, and I now I see the light.

Your brooding, dark, extremely pissed off look is sexy. It looks as if you've been having to hear Joon talk about his abs all day, listening to G.O brag about his ability to grow facial hair, watching SeungHo lick those lips of his, and it looks like you really want to punch Mir in the face just for being the maknae. It's nothing he did, you realize this ... but because he's the cute maknae ... you've sort of become the ugly stepchild that happens to be a middle child that is always everyone's second thought.

Well, Thunder ... from now on TKPA will treat you like the gorgeous stepchild you rightfully are. You just keep up these intense facial expressions of yours, and you have yourself adored by me.

Pleasure doing business with you.

TKPA

I Like This Luke Duke Look

Really, SeungHo ... you're looking good.

Hair? Check.

Lips? Check, check, check, check. (Multiple checks because those Starburst lips are so big).

Luke Duke red checkered shirt? Well ... check.

Normally I don't really go for a guy wearing a checkered shirt, much less a red one ... but hey, at least if we want to have a picnic we can take off your shirt and it will double as a picnic blanket. We're saving money and picnics are much better when the guy is shirtless.

If for some reason the Asian entertainment industry wants to give the rest of the world a complete WTF moment and remake the Dukes of Hazzard but you know, only Asian ... I will campaign for Lips of Sex to play the role of Luke. He already has the shirt, and he's the leader of MBLAQ. Luke was the "brains" of the duo. Perfect.

And as for you, Thunder, you have not gone unnoticed. Not anymore, anyway. My days of overlooking you for the other members in your group are over, for you have come into your own and you are starting to look really, really sexy.

Show me that chest flesh, bb!

TKPA

I Think I Know Joon's Favorite Sex Act

Is it me, or does Sex Apprentice frequently pose with his head tilted back like that?

Eyes closed?

Grin of pure euphoria on his face?

Yeah, I feel confident in saying that our dear Joonie loves receiving orogenitalism. He probably even loves irrumation.

See, look ... not only do I give you dirty thoughts, but I also expand your vocabulary!

TKPA

MBLAQ is (Almost) Back

If I am going this crazy over a damn teaser, just imagine what the actual MV is going to be like ...

To start, let me just say, to every K-Pop male idol group in existance or for those upcoming in the future, this is how you should start every teaser. Whether it be a ballad or whatever, you should pick the most muscular man in the group and make him wet by placing him in the shower or in the rain.

Because if you do, you're golden. Instant amount of fans.

I have been slacking on my MBLAQ stalking as of late, so I had no idea how gorgeous and totally delicious my dear G.O looks without the facial hair. I mean ... wow wow wow wow wow!

I kind of wish he debuted without all that crap on his face, because he looks a million times better clean shaven.

And my AMAZING, SEXY SEUNGHO is as always, ovary-aching. Look at those fingers brushing against those lips. I am very jealous of those fingers right now. They get to feel those plump, juicy beauties every day.

He's so damn sex.

As is Joon. Even when he's fully clothed, he radiates pure sex. THAT JAW. MY GOD IS IT BEAUTIFUL OR WHAT?

The thing I love the most about Joon, though, is that he has become the member who will always be shirtless or in shower scenes or in rain scenes. Thank you, Ninja Assassin. You have made the boy less shy about flaunting that shit all over our computer screens.

Even Mir is looking less cutesy and more and more sexy. I am not understanding what is up with all these former cuties become suddenly animalistic (I'm looking at you, Sungmin), but I will not complain for fear that the latest trend will go away.

AND THE BIGGEST SURPRISE IS HOW FUCKING SEXY THUNDER HAS BECOME. WHEN THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? SWEET LORD, YOU HAVE BEEN CATAPULTED UP IN THE RANKINGS, THUNDER DEAR!

I MEAN, SERIOUSLY. WHERE THE HELL DID HE LEARN HOW TO GIVE THAT LITTLE BITCHFACE-ARROGANT-COCKY EXPRESSION? I APPROVE OF YOUR NEW STYLE, THUNDER. I APPROVE! I APPROVE! I APPROVE!

Just about the only thing I'm not fond of is the whole F.Cuz "Jiggy" wardrobe. It seems like they stole the clothes, butchered them a little bit, and recycled the set. But for MBLAQ I can deal with anything ridiculous. All five of them are just sexy as all hell.

Check out the teaser here.

My rookie babes are growing up so fast!

TKPA

My Mind Drew a Blank When I Had to Think of a Title for This

Oh fuck.

FUCK.

Oh my ...

DAMN.

Just ...

FUCK!!!!!!!

Sex Apprentice ... damn, boy.

Seriously ....

Abs. Abs. More abs.

Happy trail.

Veins near happy trail.

FUCK.

Arms. So big.

Shoulders. OH God.

ANGRY SEX FACE FTW.

This is by far the most unintelligent, scatter-brained post I have ever done. Thank you, Joon.

TKPA

These Pants Need To Be Framed

And placed in K-Pop Hall of Fame for the best freaking pants ever worn by a male idol.

I mean ... damn, Lips of Sex. Really.

DAMN!

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I love these pants. You know that when they went missing, I was very sad. I seriously do love these pants when SeungHo is wearing them. They're just so tight and fitting and they just show everything. I still have a feeling there's a lot more going on in there that is being hidden and concealed by underwear.

Oh sweet Lord could you imagine if he went commando?!

Okay ... okay, I need to stop. That last thought has my mind running to all sorts of dirty places. Places too dirty to bring you all along with me. I'm sure you can imagine things on your own, without my help.

Lips of Sex ... um, can you be sure to wear those pants on our next date night? Don't plan on doing anything except showing up at my place wearing those. All plans will be cancelled. Pick another night to go to your favorite restaurant. Go to the movies with Thunder the next day. That is the affect those pants have on me.

Thanks to @Cosmo_Queen_ for sharing!

TKPA

The Best Part of the "G.O.O.D Luv" MV

Is this freaking kid right here!

You're just so full of win, tiny Korean child. You make me laugh hysterically every time I watch the MV, and I have to rewind it and play it over and over until tears actually pour down my face.

I suspect there is a future star in you. Maybe South Korea's next Boom? I sure as hell hope so. Your spot only lasted two seconds, but those two seconds were as epic as can be.

TKPA

How Could You, Papa Rain?

Rumor has it that my MBLAQ babies have a strict rule when it comes to the opposite sex:

They can meet girls, they just can't date them.

What the hell is that about, Rain? I'm totally blaming you for this. You're inhibiting Sex Apprentice's and Lips of Sex's natural, radiating sex factor. And keeping Antonio Jung celibate is unnatural and just plain wrong.

They're young. They're in their prime and you're completely destroying that prime. I mean, if you really don't want them hooking up with random girls just for the hell of it, then supply them with prostitutes that you know don't have any STDs and put them up in a penthouse for the night with bodyguards outside the door. Or make them wear condoms so you don't have some underaged girl saying she's carrying Joon's baby. Take the necessary precautions, but don't deprive them.

All I'm saying, Papa Rain, is that I think you're being a bit too harsh right now with your babes. I think you can ease up a bit on the whole living-like-a-monk rule you've established.

However, if you parade around shirtless, I might consider forgiving you.

TKPA

Sex Apprentice Cleans Up Nice ...

VERY nice, actually.

Totally digging the new haircut, Sex Apprentice. I can't believe I'm saying this, and I can't believe this is even possible, but your sex factor just increased by twenty. What makes this new 'do so amazing is that your freakishly big ears are extremely noticeable, but they're no where along the lines of holy-hell-those-are-huge like they were in Ninja Assassin. Another amazing feature is that you actually look clean.

I will be the one to say it and I don't care if you hate me ... but Joon was starting to look pretty scruffy and unclean and his hair was just ...

I'm a hair girl. I love playing with guys' hair. It has to be washed and look washed, because the last thing I want is to run my hands through some dude's hair while in the middle of an intense make-out session and get a handful of grease and oil and ew I want to wash my hands in acid thinking about it ...

Yes, this haircut was much needed as he is now absolute perfection and reaches very high on the TKPA-Picky-As-All-Hell charts.

TKPA

Five Reasons Why You Should Buy Ninja Assassin on DVD

If you didn't see it in theaters ... what is wrong with you? If it was not available in your country you are forgiven. If it was, you have no excuse!

So buy the DVD March 16th!

Reason #1 Why You Should Buy Ninja Assassin on DVD

Uh, hello?! RAIN AND SEX APPRENTICE SHIRTLESS 88% OF THE MOVIE! That's pretty much my whole selling point, but if you aren't convinced, I guess I'll have to check your temperature and try to come up with some more reasons.

Reason #2 Why You Should Buy Ninja Assassin on DVD

It's Engrish galore. My ears wanted to explode with the pure orgasmic overdose in the theater. And Sex Apprentice speaking Engrish is hilarious. "You shouldn't do that." He can tell me that any day. Yes, he can.

Reason #3 Why You Should Buy Ninja Assassin on DVD

Joon's big ass ears and shaved head are just full of WIN.

Think of it this way ... you might laugh at how big they are, but in the words of the #1 Personal Blog Stalker, @cjcdae, those babies give you something to grab onto.

Reason #4 Why You Should Buy Ninja Assassin on DVD

It's actually a really good movie. Yes, it's very bloody and very violent. But if you go in expecting that, then you'll be okay. Then again, if you're dead set against action/violent movies, you can always just fast forward through to all the shirtless scenes.

Reason #5 Why You Should Buy Ninja Assassin on DVD

You cannot call yourself a true fan of K-Pop if you do not support our beloved Rain and Joon. You just cannot.

So, uh ... are you going to mark your calendar for MARCH 16TH or do I have to be obnoxious in constantly reminding you?

TKPA

Birthday Spotlight

Oh, Mir. How adorkable and childlike are you! You're so damn cute, I can't help but love you in a strictly platonic way. (Don't tell Dirrrty Geek, but you're quickly becoming my favorite maknae!)

생일축하합니다!!

 Happy birthday, bb! Hope it is as fantastic as you!
 
TKPA

HOLY MOTHER OF K-POP GODS!

CANNOT. FORMULATE. SENTENCES.

Mind fucking exploded.

TKPA

Say Whaaat?

Sex Apprentice: You mean you want me to cover my abs with this jacket? Are you serious? You want to sell magazines, right? Cover these washboard babies and you'll sell nothing. NOTHING. Got it?

TKPA

Introducing Joonie's Bitchface

There are two reasons why I'm posting this.

One, because I will never turn down an opportunity to shove Sex Apprentice's abs in your face. (But when did bb get some hip dips?)

Two, bitchface is classic. CLASSIC.

Oh, how I've missed those abs.

TKPA

I've Missed You, Lips of Sex

I'm back, SeungHo. Back to cater to your every need and desire. I can tell by the way you're licking and biting your lips that you are excited I am back. I know you've missed me just as much as I have missed you, bb.

And even though I have listened to MBLAQ a disgusting amount while I have been away, I have not been paying attention to those Starburst lips. I know you love that more than anything, the way I go crazy seeing you slide your tongue slowly out of your mouth, glide it along that plump, juicy bottom lip, pull your lip back inside your mouth, then gently bite down on it with those massive pearly whites of yours.

Oh, man. I need to stop. Just that little move of yours is orgasm-inducing all on it's own. If you work on your sex stare, you can have the entire female population doing whatever you want. I mean, we'll do it anyway because we love you and because just the possibility of having those lips on our bodies is worth committing murder ... but with that sex stare and those Starburst lips?

Oh, there will be a lot of female serial killers. Yes.

TKPA

How Adorkable Are They?

I just want to pinch their cute little rookie cheeks so hard!

Pinching not limited to facial area ...

I missed gushing over my MBLAQ babies. I missed it so much I decided to caption this picture.

Mir: TKPA! You're back! Ummm, we didn't expect you back so soon! You kinda caught me off guard.

Lips of Sex: I'm so happy you're back. Now I get to regularly read about how plump and Starburst-like my lips are.

Antonio Jung: Why are we putting our fingers together?

Thunder: You mean you're finally back? No way! I don't believe it!

Sex Apprentice: Hey, LoS. She might write about your lips a lot, but we all know whose cocky grin and abs make her lose her mind.

Joon is Corrupting DongHo

Why would you do this to me, Sex Apprentice? You know that I (along with 99.9999% of the female population) am in love with you. You know I will watch every clip and show and performance of you.
Which is why I am a little disappointed in you, boo. I mean ... I watch every clip. And while everything was nice and just DAYUM (especially at the end!) ... you know how I feel about Jailbait DongHo.

And why you felt the need to egg him on and encourage such horrible, horrible, corruptive dance moves when he's only fifteen ... it is borderline unforgivable.

Ugh, I'm so going to and rotting in K-Pop Hell for even glancing at Jailbait at the end of that.

Thanks, Joon. Now go make it up to me by flashing your abs and doing a nice little seductive slither. Chop, chop. As for you Jailbait ... ugh, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen!

TKPA