I Think I Know Joon's Favorite Sex Act

Is it me, or does Sex Apprentice frequently pose with his head tilted back like that?

Eyes closed?

Grin of pure euphoria on his face?

Yeah, I feel confident in saying that our dear Joonie loves receiving orogenitalism. He probably even loves irrumation.

See, look ... not only do I give you dirty thoughts, but I also expand your vocabulary!

TKPA

THANK YOU, SM ENTERTAINMENT!

YOU KNOW HOW TO MOLD YOUR BOYS INTO PURE SEX!

Fuck, I love you, Eunhyuk. I mean, I'm not crazy about the whole French clown make-up thing you have going on. Quite honestly it's creeping me out just a bit and making me see you as a mime.

But that's why I am not focusing on your face and instead am looking at your naked torso with suspenders.

I really need to buy The Boyfriend some suspenders now.

TKPA

What ... Who ... Why ... SUNGMIN?!

Oh.

My.

God.

Is this real?

Yes, yes it is very real.

How the ...

When did ...

Sungmin has abs?!

Not just abs ...

HOLY-FUCK-ABS!!!!!

Dirty thoughts about that once cute little ...

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

SUPER JUNIOR BOYS HAVE BEEN CHANGING FOR THE BETTER.

MORE FLESH. MORE FLESH. MORE FLESH.

Damn.

TKPA

Jonghyun, You May Have Some Competition

DAMN, ONEW!!

Okay ... I know I just said that Jonghyun was number one in my newbie SHINee lovin' heart ... but ... well, he might have competition now.

Onew, I apologize for not paying you and your manhood any attention before this. If I had known what was underneath those pants ... rest assured you'd be talked about more than Sex God and his Concealed Weapon, Master GD and his One-Eyed Dragon, King of Foreplay and his Royal Scepter, Rain and his Lightning Rod, and Lips of Sex and his Chapstick. You get the point here ...

(If you're wondering about Lips of Sex ... totally just created that one).

You know what would be perfect? Jonghyun's face, Minho's voice, and Onew's junk. Perfect SHINee member.

TKPA

This Is All You Need to See

Glorious.

Is it just me ... or can I see a hint of crack? Please, K-Pop Gods, do not let it be a hurtful trick of camera angles and lighting. My poor little fan girl heart cannot take such disappointment.

..... I wonder if you could bounce a quarter off of it?

TKPA

Um, Did Anyone Else Notice This?

Okay, this picture has it all.

For one, it's hot because it's four of six 2PM members. Two, Beastly Maknae puckering up his lips like that ... oh, damn. Three, Junsu is so adorable, as well as Nichkhun. Four, seeing how tan Sexy Beast Taek is compared to Khun is hilarious. Seriously, Khunnie, it's called a "spray tan."

But did anyone else besides me notice one extra guest in the picture? Do you see it? Look really hard, you might spot it.

Do you see the massive golf-ball shaped tumor-like-thing sticking out of SBT's foot?

Now, I'm not a "foot" girl. Not a fetish of mine; I hate having my feet being touched (that's because I'm extremely ticklish there, but that's beside the point). But I like my men to have nice, pretty feet. Because I don't want our potential children to have ugly ass, gnarly feet.

Dude, Taek ... you have some ugly ass, gnarly feet.

I sincerely apologize if I ruined this picture for you.

TKPA

OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.

Holy hell, AJ's lips are ...

I mean ...

What the fuck? Where the hell did those come from? Where the fuck has he been hiding those?

Screw Lips of Sex and those Starburst lips. I can't believe I just typed that sentence, but for real ... AJ, where the fuck have you been hiding those babies? I've looked at so many pictures of you after receiving this completely bliss-filled email, and I can't for the life of me figure out why the hell I have never noticed your lips. Your abs? Oh, I noticed those, bb.

I can't get over this. Really, I can't. After I've been going on and on about Lips of Sex and God of Lips, none of you ever cared to mention that AJ is like the Lip Prince? 

Those lips taste exactly like a cherry lollipop. I bet. How could they not?

This post makes no sense. I apologize. I know I'm a total spaz right now because of this amazing discovery that @KpopxFanatic and @Cosmo_Queen_ were ever so kind to bless the Twitterverse and my inbox with.

AJ, I am making room for you somewhere. You will be featured more and more on the blog now. Yes, you will.

TKPA 

Daesung and His Guns

Mmm, I always love it when something surprising is discovered about our favorite idols. I mean, I know we've established that Mr. Happy has guns, but it is nice to be reminded of things like this.

I wonder how he came to develop such amazing arms, though. Lifting weights, maybe? Or lots of push-ups? Of course, the only kind of push-ups that create muscles like that are done in the bedroom. And they're not really "push-ups," more like "hold-ups."

So, if anything ... at least Dae can carry you around from room to room while you're in the middle of having sex. You know he has the muscles to support that kind of activity.

TKPA

HOLY MOTHER OF K-POP GODS!

CANNOT. FORMULATE. SENTENCES.

Mind fucking exploded.

TKPA

Hello, Leeteuk's Pecs!

I am so glad some of the Super Junior boys decided to strip you, babe, and hose you down with water at Super Show II in Thailand.

Leeteuk, why would you cover those abs? I need to see them. I know they exist. They have to. Because you have pecs, babe. And if you have pecs, you most definitely have abs. It's like the rule of body building, just common knowledge.

Why are you teasing us? You know we want to see them. We need to see them. Well, I need to see them. Everyone else just wants to see them.

You know what? When we're married, once every few weeks, lets have a water gun fight. Because not only will it be fun and produce mass amounts of laughter, but we can use our marital bedsheets to dry ourselves off.

I don't know how well that'll work, though. We'll no doubt get sweaty and I don't think the sheets can soak up that much liquid.

An endless cycle.

TKPA

Happy Trails to You, Beastly Maknae

I just love the discovery of a happy trail, don't you?

Again, I'm not usually a happy trail lover ... but with the onslaught of them from the K-Pop male idols as of late ... I'm beginning to change my mind.

TKPA

Sungmin? Is That You?

You're looking ...

... kind of ...

... sexy.

I can't believe I just said that.

I've never found Sungmin to be sexy before. Moreso cute and cuddly and like a little fluffy white bunny rather than a sex panther. But damn boy, you surprised me. And what's that thing you have hiding in your crotch-region, Minnie?

Mmm, I love a great angry-sex face. It's nice to know that the resident cutie of Super Junior has one. Let's work on trimming that hair a bit, though. Okay, boo?

TKPA

Close Call, Lovely

Mixed feelings about this.

On the one hand, your massive ... um ... well ... the One-Eyed Dragon is wanting to make an appearance. You know I'm all for that, really. Maybe the One-Eyed Dragon was getting a little jealous that I did a post all about Sex God's Concealed Weapon and wanted me to pay attention to him and only him.

On the other hand ... yeah, the One-Eyed Dragon needs to show himself to me in private and not make his presence known at an awards show. There's a time and place for everything, babe.

Come on ... you didn't actually think I'd pass up a chance to post this, right?

TKPA

Sex God's Concealed Weapon

Why, hello there, Concealed Weapon! It's nice of you to make an appearance and greet us! We've been wondering about you!

I can't express how happy I am to see you. We all know that Sex God likes to wear multiple layers, so your chances to make yourself known have been seldom. Yet you exist, in all your glory. I wonder if you have few rounds stored in your chamber. That's why you're much more noticeable in this picture. Who were you thinking of that made you reach fully loaded ecstasy?

With other guns, one must handle with extreme caution and care. But you, Concealed Weapon? You prefer it rough, just like your owner. Just saying, you could unload on me or in me any day.

And yes, I did just name it.

TKPA

Lips of Sex's Happy Trail

I'm not a big fan of happy trails, personally. I don't need a teeny strip of hair directing me where to go. I can find it myself, thanks. Yet I found this picture of Lips of Sex looking amazingly sexy (when does he not?) and discovered that not only does our dear rookie leader have a bulge he likes to caress for one split second during the slithering-body-roll dance move, but he also has a happy trail.

Seriously, could this man get any sexier? Actually ... yes.

I'm going to post a double-whammy later about SeungHo. Wait for it, wait for it.

If you want a bigger picture with a better look at the leader's happy trail, then click here and make sure to set it as your desktop background.

TKPA

Joon's Angry-Sex Face Has Been Found

Yes, I have found Joon's angry-sex face. This just isn't any ordinary angry-sex face, though.

Oh, no.

It's the right-in-the-middle-of-the-best-most-intense-hardcore-sex-you'll-ever-have angry-sex face.

Joon, I miss you. Even though I see you all the time in shows and performances and pictures ... I miss seeing this much of you.

I think I have figured out why Joonie hasn't been showing his abs. It's because of Ninja Assassin. Papa Rain must have told him to stop showing off so much naked, rock hard flesh. Because the lack of washboard abs will make us foam at the mouth and go bat-shit crazy, and the promise of lots of Joon skin in Ninja Assassin will no doubt increase sales amongst women.

You can totally see that being the truth, right?

TKPA

SeungHo, I Want to Kiss Your Lips

A lot of interesting things happened in the K-Pop World this weekend. Like SeungHo dying his hair black and saying hell no to the blonde. If you thought he was hot as a blonde, you should check out how jaw-dropping-sexy the rookie leader is with black hair. And he's also playing the piano in this video. Oh my, oh my.

Last week I pointed out how SeungHo's pants are amazing, as well as a certain ... um, feature that exists within those pants. This week I'm going to point out how I want to kiss his lips. And bite them.

I want! I want!

Seriously, just look at them. Look at how plump and juicy they are. I just want them all over my body, I really do.

Let's recap, shall we?

In the past week alone, SeungHo has amazed me with his tighter-than-tight-might-as-well-be-second-skin pants that flaunt off a very, very nice feature, he has put his birthday gift from me into fantastic use by redying his hair black, he tugged at my heartstrings by playing the piano, and he turned his head at the precise angle in order to show off those juicy lips and make me want him even more than I did when I discovered the pants situation.

Bravo, SeungHo. Bravo.

TKPA

SeungHo ... W-O-W

How many of you watched this particular performance of MBLAQ? (I will wait while you watch it if you haven't yet).

Did you notice anything about leader SeungHo? If you have to watch again that's fine. It'd be great for you to notice it without me pointing it out.

I take back everything bad I've said in regards to your newly blonde hair, SeungHo. I apologize. You can dye your hair neon pink for all I care, and I will still love you. The amount of love and awe and want that I have for you at this very moment will not diminish. I'll just make you wear a hat or something.

While I pretty much hate the idiot in charge of styling the MBLAQ boys, I will say that the pants they picked out for our dear rookie leader was an excellent choice. A very excellent choice and that person deserves a slight pay raise (I say slight because it's probably the same person that put sunglasses on GO). Because that shiny, silky material that perfectly clung to his skin revealed something to all of the sick freak fan girls, like yours truly.

Seriously, it was hard screencapping these exact, precise moments when SeungHo Jr. wanted to greet the sexually frustrated teenage girl audience. Oh, the things I do for you all.

Exhibit A:

Well, hello ...

Exhibit B:

I think the subs MAKE this photo

Bottom line, SeungHo ... always wear pants like this.

TKPA