U-Kiss Can Tell Me to Shut Up and I'll Obey

Where have I been? Well, school and lots of hours at work. That's probably why I missed the release of "Shut Up" a month ago. (I'm sorry, I suck, I know!). But now I'm here, and now it's time to give these men the proper little spazz fest they should have received last month.

I'm going to start this with a simple angry thought to the K-Pop Gods, for having the deepest voice in the group, the voice that stands out the most, the voice that sounds so sexy and makes me get little goose bumps all over ... belong to a sixteen-year-old.

I mean, really? How is that even remotely fair? A woman over the legal age limit cannot possibly enjoy it as much as she ought to. And to top it all off, you make Dongho sound so angry and you make him look so hot while he's giving that little sixteen-year-old angry face to the camera. Am I being punished for not blogging enough?

Moving on, U-Kiss has pretty much everything that makes a phenomenal K-Pop video.

You have suits:

And you have half-naked men (excluding Jailbait and Xander) in a room together:

And you even have Xander looking like he's absolutely disgusted in the choice for the female model:

And you also have how hot and just ... DAMN ... Eli is (um, Skankoid, remove the hand. Thanks):

And of course, no K-Pop video would be complete without a WTF fashion choice. I almost didn't see it, truthfully. It took me about three times watching the video to find one, and I was beginning to believe that I have finally come across one video that everything they are wearing looks amazing and there's nothing bizarre that would make me take up a tiny section in a post ranting about it. However, an evil cow must have snuck it in, and they did a clever job by shoving him in the back so we wouldn't notice.

But what the hell is this ...

... and when can I burn it?

TKPA

Say Whaaat?

Eli: Just close your eyelids a little bit more, give off that sexy, bedroom eyes look. TKPA won't be able to resist you.

Jailbait DongHo: Like this? What are you going to do to make TKPA crazy?

Eli: Oh, I'm giving her my angry-sex face.

Damn you both.

TKPA

Joon is Corrupting DongHo

Why would you do this to me, Sex Apprentice? You know that I (along with 99.9999% of the female population) am in love with you. You know I will watch every clip and show and performance of you.
Which is why I am a little disappointed in you, boo. I mean ... I watch every clip. And while everything was nice and just DAYUM (especially at the end!) ... you know how I feel about Jailbait DongHo.

And why you felt the need to egg him on and encourage such horrible, horrible, corruptive dance moves when he's only fifteen ... it is borderline unforgivable.

Ugh, I'm so going to and rotting in K-Pop Hell for even glancing at Jailbait at the end of that.

Thanks, Joon. Now go make it up to me by flashing your abs and doing a nice little seductive slither. Chop, chop. As for you Jailbait ... ugh, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen!

TKPA

Oh, This is Just Unfair

Why would you do this to me, K-Pop Gods? Is this some form of cruel and unusual punishment?

I mean, really ... making Eli, whom I am currently digging something insanely hardcore, pose in a photoshoot with Jailbait DongHo is unfair.

By the way, that is Jailbait's hand on his lips, not Eli's.
I felt like I needed to clarify that little fact.

Seriously?

Why would you do this to me, K-Pop Gods?

It's like Eli is instructing DongHo how to make me want him. And I can't want him because he's fifteen. That's just unfair, Eli. After I just offered to measure how wide your hips are, any time no questions asked, you're going to do this to me? What the hell is that about, love?

Ugh.

Why are you fifteen, Jailbait? I know I've been over this before, and I hate repeating myself, but it just isn't fair that you look like that and you're fifteen. Freaking fifteen. There should be a law that any idol under the age of eighteen should be made to look like a freaking hobbit by the evil, corrupt stylists. Once they are legal, they can finally become hot.

Totally the ugly duckling syndrome.

Unfair. Unfair. Unfair.

TKPA

This is Why I Avoided U-Kiss

This is why I didn't want to know who any of them were:

This is DongHo. He is fifteen.

I'm definitely going to be placed on the K-Pop idol sex offenders list for even writing this, but seriously ...

It's just so damn unfair. He's six years younger than me. I was starting first grade when he was just an infant. No fifteen-year-old should look like this. It's just asking for cougar-bait and pedofile bait.

I want to cry, because he will always be out of reach. Even when he's eighteen and legal and begging for some TKPA loving ... I simply cannot give him any. He will always be six years younger. The biggest age difference I'm willing to tolerate is three years. So while that leaves open Eli, DongHo will never be lusted after. And that makes me sad.
 

Damn your parents for not procreating three years earlier.

TKPA