An Apple a Day ...

Hell, if Sex God fed us all an apple every day, no K-Pop fan would ever have to visit the doctor ever again.

Okay, you know what ... I'm just going to get straight to the point on this. I'm tired, I've been thinking and writing incredibly dirty for the past six hours, and I just can't skirt around this issue. Not this time.

I cannot help but think ridiculously perverted thoughts seeing him hold that banana. I mean, really ... what the hell else am I supposed to think or write about this picture? Yeah, I could say how I'd love for him to feed me some of his banana, but you and I both know I wouldn't be talking about the damn fruit. Because seeing him hold that so firmly in his grasp makes me think of something else he holds firmly, something that we have all come to know and love as his Concealed Weapon.

Really, I think the only way to end this post is to say that I hope T.O.P busts out the banana flavored lube and takes me into the bedroom to feed me some more of his banana.

TKPA

BIGBANG Captions Part VIII

Sex God: What do you mean you won't have sex with me? I rented this hotel room for us and everything. Don't tell me you'd rather have sex with that toothpick Ji-Yong. He might be able to howl, but baby I grunt and I'll bust this iron bed frame into pieces .... You sure you don't want to have sex with me?

TKPA

The Original Badass: T.O.P

I'm sorry. Jun Hyung might be a badass and all ... but he has nothing on Sex God. No one does. Just like his smolder sex stare, his badass image cannot be duplicated. Imitated, definitely. Duplicated? Hell no.

Do you see any other idols pulling off the role of a sadistic assassin? I don't think so. And if you bring up Rain ... well, he wasn't necessarily an assassin, more like a ninja seeking revenge. And he definitely was not sadistic. T.O.P ... yeah, dude was fucking nuts in IRIS.

I can totally see Sex God showing up at my house because he felt like it. He doesn't care what I have planned for that night, he's taking me out anyway and I better fucking go with him or else I'll never see him again. And face it, he could make me do anything with that voice of his, so it's not like I'm going to put up a major protest.

He'll take me to some nasty, hole-in-the-wall, you-might-contract-an-STD-by-standing pool hall, where there will no doubt be some skeezy looking dudes that probably own a motorcycle and have more than ten tattoos. And of course, these dudes will hit on me relentlessly, whistling whenever I bend over the pool table.

Yeah ... badass T.O.P won't handle that very well. Sure, he'd keep his cool for a little bit so as not to make me upset (because even though he's a badass, he isn't a tool), but eventually his patience will vanish and the fucking nuts, sadistic assassin will surface.

And oddly enough, the sight of him kicking someone's ass would more than likely be highly erotic and I would take him home, nurse any wounds or busted lip he may have, and then show him my gratitude.

Five times, to be exact.

TKPA

I Love It When Idols Get Dirty

And not like sexually dirty, because rarely ever happens unless it's BIGBANG. I am talking about filthy dirty. It feels like 2PM has been doing that a lot lately. (Remember this? And this?)

I'm late on everything now, so I know you've all seen, spazzed, and drooled over 2PM's new MV "Without U." Oh, I love the dirtiness of it all. The black rain, the soaking wet clothing ... it really is the perfect male idol music video.

I take that back. It'd be perfect if they were all shirtless. Or naked, but beggars can't necessarily be choosers. So, I'll take a little half-naked in the rain action if it is ever offered. (Hint, hint JYP!)

Before I continue, I have to take a moment to say DAMN, JUNSU!!!!!

Oh, bb. I never knew your arms were so ripped. It kind of surprised me, to be honest. Seeing the agony/anger in your face as you sing your little heart out, in the black rain, soaking wet in a black tank top ... D-A-M-N. I am really glad I stuck you in the Friends With Benefits category forever ago. I knew that eventually I'd have some lustful feelings for you, where you just do it for me for a short period of time. And on another note, there is a TKPA nickname for you now. Stay tuned for that.

And WooyoUNF. Your arms are pretty damn sex too. Where have you been hiding those babies?

PLEASE TELL ME I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO LAUGHED AT SEXY BEAST TAEK'S FACE.

Are you orgasming or about to go into battle?

TKPA

What You're Missing -- Part II

Dear Sexy Beast Taek's hip,

I worship you. I will bow to you and the shrine of you I am currently making. It's a mold of milk chocolate, a replica of the real thing.

Dear Sexy Beast Taek's ass,

Where are you?

TKPA

SEX GOD FLESH!

Yes, that's right. SEX GOD FLESH!

Just look at it. Look at that non-flab, semi-toned body. It looks wet. Like he just got out of the shower and threw on that white robe.

Damn.

Are your retinas burning? Mine are.

I am so surprised that Sex God would actually show his body in anything less than two layers. We all know how that man likes to cover himself up and make us wonder and imagine what is underneath all that cotton mystery. It's kept many of us tossing in turning in our beds at night, hoping and praying to the K-Pop Gods that he is no longer flabby and just ....

Well, he'll never be along the lines of King of Foreplay, but we've come to expect that. We know that's asking for too much.

This? Perfect.

Relax, lovelies. You can sleep peacefully tonight knowing that Sex God's body is pretty damn sexy and amazing, just like his face. And his voice. And him in general.

Thanks to @xAmyAshx for the tip!

PS -- There's question as to whether or not this is real. I say who cares? Enjoy it and think dirty about it.

TKPA

This is Why You're Purely Animalistic, Babe

Did anyone else just die when they saw him strip? Seriously.

Damn boy! Are you reading this blog too, Sexy Beast Taek? Why the hell else would you pull your tie off and rip open your shirt in such an angry, sexy way?

I can't speak. I can't formulate sentences. I just want.

I want. I want. I want.

You can have your own damn dirty thoughts in the comment section. My brain is too fried to even begin to conjure up some dirrrty talk about SBT.

TKPA

Sex Fetish: Sex God

Last month I stated that I believe the #1 Cervix Puncher, Sex God, likes to indulge in role play. Of course, what would a sexual fetish post on T.O.P be without me talking about that in further detail?

The other day on Twitter I had a conversation with a few of my blog-stalkers about how if there was a caveman in a block of ice buried in my backyard, I'd wish for him to look like Sex God. (Encino Man reference, anyone?). Imagine his deep grunts because he doesn't understand the English language, or any language besides caveman-speak. He'd have to express everything in a physical way, and you know that cavemen pretty much only eat, hunt, and club pretty cavewomen over the head and drag them back to their cave.

Sex God doesn't have to be a caveman in order to carry out that little scenario, though. He no doubt already has faux-fur clothing, so all we have to do is turn the temperature down to sixty degrees and only communicate with sex grunts and pointing. I do ask, boo, that you don't club me over the head and drag me into the bedroom. You can throw me over your shoulder instead. I'd like to be conscious while we're getting primal.

Another thing that I have been repeating for a month now is that Sex God likes to pull hair. Yes, he is most definitely a hair puller. I can see that, can't you? He'll just take a big fistful of your hair and yank it soft enough to not pull out any strands and so it doesn't hurt, but hard enough to let you know who was in charge.

Man, I love thinking dirty about him.

TKPA

The Best Part About 2PM's New MV?

Sexy Beast Taek's hardcore-right-at-the-climax-angry-sex face.

Just look at him screaming in a Purely Animalistic way. Never mind the bobby-pins in his hair, I'm looking past that for the moment and solely concentrating on what his hair would look like down, shagging in his face, damp with sweat. Your fingers running through that thick black hair, pushing it away from his face. His body hovering over you, lower torsos touching each other.

And then things get intense. The kind of intense that only Sexy Beast Taek can give you. Forget about busting the headboard. SBT will totally make the bed bust through the damn wall. And you know what?

I'd rather have a giant king-sized mattress hole in my wall, dry wall and fiber glass everywhere, than have a busted headboard. Any day.

TKPA

Sex God is Purely Animalistic

Seriously, the things I'd do to him.

Everything about him just screams "RIP MY CLOTHES OFF!" And man, do I want to. I really, really want to.

My mind literally goes blank for a brief moment whenever I see his gorgeous, brooding face gracing my computer screen by way of video or picture. Once I recover, I have a mixture of emotions about him.

For one, I want his body. I want his piercing gaze looking deep into my eyes and sending me sexy subliminal messages through those dark brown irises. Messages that tell me all of the wickedly dirty (yet delicious) things he's going to do to me. Because I know that the BIGBANG Big Boy is a savage beast.

Listening to that deep, growling voice (that sounds like sex if sex could talk) moaning in my ear, indulging in some extremely obscene dirty talk, and pulling my hair (watch this for proof of the hair pulling fetish) ... you get the picture.

I've never mentioned this aspect of Sex God before, but I seriously would love to just cuddle up next to him on the couch and just have chill time, you know? It's not all about sex in regards to the [hopefully] Big Boy. Sure, I might worship him after every single sex session but before the intensely gratifying sex, I'd be perfectly content lying on top of him [fully clothed], watching a movie and listening to his heartbeat.

Perfect man.

TKPA

Sexy Beast Taek is Purely Animalistic

While I would love, love, love to have a baby with this man ... there are way too many dirty thoughts circulating in my head in order for him to be placed on the Baby-Daddy-To-Be List.

Sexy Beast Taek has found himself to be the first man inducted into the category Purely Animalistic. Just the name alone (which I bestowed upon him, so really it's all my fault) makes me want him. Sexy? Yes. Beast? Hell yes.

Even though some people believe that SBT looked like a complete dork in his pre-debut days, all I can say is that that is not dorky and if high school-SBT and high school-TKPA went to the same school, I'd definitely, definitely be crushing on him, secretly lusting after him but never saying anything because of the fear of rejection.

But thank God someone took that sexy dork and transformed him into a sexy beast.

SBT has made me think incredibly dirty about him as of late, and there's absolutely no way I'd want him to just be my baby daddy. No, I want his body and I want it repeatedly.

Nail-digging-into-skin, lower-lip-biting, furniture breaking, clothes ripping kind of want that only SBT can offer the female sex. Seriously, night after night after night of pure ecstasy and labored breathing, his deep voice slightly moaning in your ear ...

I need to stop writing this now. You get the point. Your imagination can take over now.

TKPA

New Category: Purely Animalistic

Yes, it’s exactly what you think it is.

The ones who didn’t make the final cut on the Baby-Daddy-To-Be List have a much, much better category to own.

Purely Animalistic.

Because while I don’t necessarily want to have a baby with them, the baby-making process will take place. Numerous times, actually. Endless and endless amounts of practice.

Do I really have to continue on with this or did that last three-sentence-paragraph spell everything out for you?

The only requirement for this category is that they must be naked. At all times.

Which idols do you want to have Purely Animalistic nights with, complete with sweat-soaked sheets and lots of skin-on-skin?

TKPA