My New Boyfriend, Kyuhyun

Oh, Kyuhyun ...

I wish I could say that your relatively young age is the reason why you didn't make the final cut, but seeing as how you're practically six months older than me, I can't make that excuse. The reason why you weren't chosen is because of this:

I want you to Be My Boyfriend.

It's a very selfish reason, I know, but I'm sure you'd much rather be in this category than be my baby daddy.

There are many benefits to being a boyfriend, Kyu. For one, you can totally sing me to sleep every night. That might not sound like a benefit to you, but it is to me because I love your voice and hearing it makes me turn into a huge TKPA puddle. But I promise you that if you cuddle up next to me and sing into my ear, sending me into a pleasant dream state, you can soon sneak off and go play Starcraft and I will not nag you about how you play that game too much and never spend any time with me. See? It is a benefit.

You've taken the shirt seriously. You're like a ghost.

You might look like the innocent little maknae of the group, but we all know you are not. While I don't think you've reached your freak potential yet, I'd be more than happy to work overtime to help you discover what you're truly capable of. I would totally take away any remaining innocence, bb. And I would not feel guilty about doing it, either.

Sex with you would be fun and spontaneous, like in a stairwell or in the dusty aisle of reference books in the library that no one ever reads. It'd be in the craziest places ever, like the restroom in a restaurant, on a swing in the park, on top of the kitchen table. That last one might not sound particularly crazy, but think about it this way: how hard are you going to laugh when some of your fellow members come over for dinner and are sitting right where we had sex only a few hours earlier? Neither of us would be able to hold in the laughter.

But you're also very sweet and caring, Kyu, and while you might forget to take out the trash or return my phone call because you're too engrossed with Starcraft, I don't see you forgetting the important events. Like birthdays or anniversaries. I can see you making me a birthday cake from scratch and decorating the place with streamers and balloons. You'd put effort into these types of things, and I would show you my gratitude by allowing you to play Starcraft while having sex.

Because you know that that is your biggest nerd fantasy, boo.

TKPA