An Ode to BIGBANG

With their impending comeback date, I figured I would write a little poem to express how excited I am.

B to the I to the ...

Gee, I've seemed to have forgotten the rest.

You've been gone for so long,

It feels as if you've put your fans through one big test.

Our devotion to you is as solid and creepy as ever.

If you're wondering if our batshit crazy love has faded,

The answer is never.

Kwon Ji Yong,

It's been way too freaking long.

Your comeback has me excited but nervous too,

Because you like to piss me off when it comes to your hair.

Were those ridiculous curls a dare?
Please, let's just keep it normal for now,
And do not listen to any advice given by an evil cow.
Pay no mind to the uptight netizens,
For not showing off your sex is a mortal sin.

Your swagger, your talent, is far superior to the rest,

That's why having GD as the front man is the fucking best.

Dong Young Bae,
Your glistening, sweaty abs make my day.
I've been having an overdose of you as of late,
Something that has made fangirl life great.
You've thrown us all for a loop with your flirtatious side,
Making us speculate why it's something you no longer hide.
Could it be a new girlfriend in the picture?
If so, you should definitely ditch her.
Skankface doesn't deserve a man of your caliber,
And plus, your crazy fangirls will probably commit murder.
Come back in all your ab-filled glory,
And things on TKPA's blog might get a bit whorey.

Kang Daesung,
We want to bathe your new rippling abs with our tongue.
The recent picture with your mask on your face,
Has made us want to copy the keys to our place,
Mail them along with a plane ticket and a map,
So you better arrive fully decked out in gift wrap.
Your ability to generate laughs has been sorely missed,
Please come back soon or else we'll all be pissed!
We need some sex and laughter in our life,
And girls need to start claiming dibs on being your wife.
Your beautiful voice makes us swoon,
Say you'll be here to make us go insane soon.

Lee Seung-hyun,
Picking on you is so much fun.
Though I hated excluding you from BIGBANG Fridays on the blog,
If you had just shown us your abs, I would have been in a complete fog.
Can you promise us that your come back will include maknae flesh?
What better way to start off fresh!
Why some people forget you include you, I'll never know,
But just remember that they're nothing but a skankoid hoe.
Without you, BIGBANG would not be the same,
Not the same group we love, it'd be totally lame.

Choi Seung-hyun,
There really doesn't need to be,
A rhyming poem, you see.
Your sex appeal is international,
And you make us all act very irrational.
Your smoldering eyes, your deep gravelly voice,
We couldn't resist you if we had a choice!
A few lines of a poem doesn't find all the words to describe you,
So just come back and stare and we'll be re-devoted, boo.

TKPA

In the Army Now

I have had mixed feelings about Kangin joining the army ever since he broke the news of his plans. Part of me wants to be sad considering he won't be active in Super Junior for the next two freaking years and that's actually quite depressing when you know how much energy and charisma he brought to shows. He is an entertainer and although I know full well the group will survive without him, it's like a tiny piece of Super Junior is being locked away for a later time.

Kangin is like the freshly baked cookie you really want to eat, but you know it will ruin your appetite (that's garbage, anyway. Like one cookie will make me not want to eat dinner), so you wait for it. And wait for it. And wait for it. Only instead of waiting an hour, we have to wait two years.

On the other hand, Kangin does seem to need some help following those two incidents, both unfortunately involving alcohol. Although I'm sad to see him go, I know it is what is best for him and that is the most important thing.

So, here's hoping that in two years, Korea's #1 Handsome Guy will be back and better than ever.

And to conclude this post, I have written him another poem. (Oh yeah, did you ever read the first one?)

Kangin, you're in the army now.
Remember to keep calm and know your place,
Or else you'll end up punching your drill Sergeant in the face.
You're probably trading Playboys and cigarettes,
Oh, where did you hide Sungmin's pink barrettes?
You know better than to tease him, silly boy!
And with you gone, there seems to be a little less joy.
But soon two years will fly right by,
Putting you back in the public eye.
I never thought that you were fat,
Though the army will change all that.
It's too bad that pictures of you ripped won't be in magazines,
We will just have to envision it in our dreams!
Now it's time that I say good-bye,
And pray to the K-Pop Gods I do not have to see Teuk cry.
Please come back soon, and maybe ... dress like a cow.

TKPA

Kangin ... It's March. Where Are You?

While I was waiting for my professor to show up to class yesterday, I decided to write a poem for Kangin, hoping to entice him back, wherever the fuck SME is hiding him.


Kangin, where have you been?
We miss you and your crazy ways,
Sometimes the tears of ELFs last for days.
Korea is less handsome now,
Remember when you dressed up like a cow?
Sure, sometimes you can be a real big douche,
But you're as lovable as the family pooch.
You know that you fucked up while drunk,
Though that doesn't mean you should live like a monk.
Star King lacked in hilarity,
Super Show without you is a pity.
I don't think you're fat, bb,
But ... maybe cut back a bit on the kimchi.
Kangin, I cannot wait until you return,
Let this be a lesson from which you learn.
Now it's time to get back in the spotlight,
Try to avoid any potential bar fight.
Being an entertainer is your rightful place,
Please don't spit in anyone's face.
Oh, Kangin ... loving you should be a sin.


TKPA