K-Pop 101 For Heart2Heart

Oh, this video. I could go on and on and on for hours about this video, about Heart2Heart. Seriously, hours. There is just so much to talk about and originally I did not plan on blogging about it, because they aren't Korean, they aren't K-Pop, and those are pretty much the only two requirements one needs to be featured here.

But this video is so much like a K-Pop video that I could not resist in breaking it down in parts, just like I do for every single male idol group's new video. It's more like constructive criticism mixed with praise and sometimes a severe scolding (but H2H is safe, no scolding today). And I only reiterate that, because they'll be reading this. (Scary, I know!)

Let me first start off with this so I can let the former teeny bopper inside of me out of my system ...

OMG LANCE FREAKING BASS. I worship the ground he walks on, no joke. Seriously, the video started, I saw Lance and I became so giddy and eleven-years-old again that I had to stop the video, open another tab, type in YouTube, and search through videos just to find this:

That intro music still gives me chills to this day. Oh, and it took me back to the days when I went to the *NSYNC concerts and went deaf from all the girls screaming, and it took me back to the days when I had a whole wall of posters and pictures of the guys, and when my friends and I would watch their concert DVDs literally all night long until six in the morning. The ten seconds of seeing Lance brought me back to my childhood and put me in teeny bopper mode.

Back to Heart2Heart ...

If we're really modeling ourselves after K-Pop here, then I'm going to be blunt and tell you the same damn things I write about them. Majority of them don't understand what I say, but there's no filtering just because you speak English. We don't play favorites here (have you read the awful things I've said about G-Dragon?).


So the video kicks off and it's some sort of West Philadelphia basketball court where Chad Future starts. And as he's doing his intro ... rap? ... all I can focus on is Pete's shirt, which is kind of like a horse of a different color, only as the camera gets closer, the stripes become wavy and distorted, big then small.

Why do so many stylists all over the globe make the mistake of using thin stripes or small checkered patterns? It never picks up well by the camera and it totally distracts from the artists or actors. It's everywhere, music videos, photoshoots (T.O.P wore a funky looking hat that did not photograph well for their comeback), even in television and movies here in the States. No more thin stripes, please! Chunky stripes are the way to go. So for your next video boys, please think of me when a stylist hands you a striped shirt and just say no.

Speaking of styling ... Chad, sweetie ... no.

You're good looking. You're hot. I know they probably want you to play that "bad boy" role in the group, because every boy band needs a bad boy. But that doesn't mean you need to look like a douche. It's like you're about to go for an audition on that lame MTV show where the parents choose their daughter's new boyfriend, and you're the current douche that eats all their food and doesn't flush the toilet when you're done.

You want the bad boy role, then dye your hair black, shape it into a faux hawk, slap on a tiny bit of eyeliner (no cat eyes, you're a dude, not a chick), get some abs, don't smile, walk around shirtless, and call it a day. The big key to that is don't smile.

Example, these are only three of the baddest, sexiest, holy-fucking-shit hot guys in K-Pop that make girls go bat shit crazy:

 

T.O.P from BIGBANG (Recommend: "Turn It Up")

Jun Hyung from BEAST

 (Recommend: "Shock")

Taecyeon from 2PM

(Recommend: "Heartbeat")

They rarely smile. In videos, they're usually very stoic, even if it is an upbeat song. They can turn on the charm, but majority of the time you don't see those pearly whites. They're bad ass, not douchey. If that's the look you want, study them and learn what they do. They're the masters and you're the apprentice. But the multicolored hair, the star drawn on your face ... it's more "screamo" frontman than pop. You have to pick a look that somewhat suits the genre you're in.

I really do say that out of love, not bitchiness.

Pete, you're cute. And for some really strange reason, you remind me of Eli in this picture:

And I don't know why, because Eli doesn't really have those kind of abs, or a jaw ... so, yeah I don't know why I'm getting the Eli vibe from you, but it's a good thing because he's hot and one of my absolute favorites. Anyone that reminds me of a favorite usually doesn't have anything to worry about.

Is it just me, or did anyone else notice that Brayden was entirely not featured enough in this video? I think he had maybe thirty seconds of screen time total. Like it was this shot, and a few close-ups of him at the end and the beginning.

This is a new group, their first song and video, and majority of it you only see three members: Chad, KX, and Nico. Not that I'm complaining because ... well, I will get to that in a moment ... but every member should have had the chance to be featured the same amount of time. This is in no way Heart2Heart's fault, because they didn't edit the video. I would honestly like to see more of each of them and show off their personality and charm. Pete and Brayden weren't featured nearly as much as they should have been, and to start off a group like that will only keep it in that pattern.

Nico, you're so freaking adorable and I about cried last night when I found out you were seventeen. Seriously. There's a rule on this blog that I can't talk about anyone under the age of eighteen (because that is honestly just creepy and has Mrs. Robinson written all over it) and you won't be legal until next June. This makes me sad.

But it does make me happy that you replied to me last night. Here's how it went down:

And the other day he retweeted me, which earned him major brownie points because it was a retweet of a link to the blog post I mentioned them in last week, which not only shamelessly promotes himself, but it increased page hits, so thank you so much, Nico :)

Finally ... KX ... oh, damn.

Guys ... guys ... I'm speechless.

You know there's always the one member in a new K-Pop group that just leaves me melting into a big pile of TKPA mess. There was SeungHo, Jun Hyung, Dari, and most recently P.O. We can now officially add KX to that list.

Seriously, no words.

Perfection.

I've had my fill of rappers. I don't need to add anymore to the list. I've set my sights on dancers and choreographers now, and KX has earned his spot in the top three. That's how few dancers I have. THREE.

I know a lot of people have been saying that the song is ridiculous and stupid and they aren't sure if it is a joke or not. But it is actually genius of them in a way. The more people tell other people, "You have to watch this video. The song is ridiculous!" the more YouTube hits it will receive, which will give the group more attention. We were all there watching and making fun of Rebecca Black, and the girl turned around and put out a real song and instant celebrity. You have to be able to laugh at yourself.

Also, this isn't a song for older girls like us (even though Nico said I wasn't old). Their target fan base is the preteen, young teenage girl age group, and this song does relate to them. We think it's corny, but this is a boy band, and boy bands usually are meant for young girls, not for those of us over the age of seventeen.

And I know there is a lot of talk going around that they ripped off K-Pop and that they're copying Teen Top and all these other groups ... but when did it become wrong to be influenced off of another artist? If it was so wrong, then wouldn't Taeyang and G-Dragon be copying Michael Jackson? And wouldn't Hyori be copying Beyonce or Lady Gaga? This group did not rip off any sound or lyric or even clothing item from a K-Pop group, they were influenced by them. K-Pop is a very unique genre, it has so many qualities that American pop just doesn't have.

I'm all for this song and this group. Yes, it's a little corny at some parts, and it is hard to believe it isn't a spoof, but they have so much potential. Why are so many people ticked off that an American group was inspired by K-Pop? Shouldn't that be a compliment?

In closing, I'm sorry to Chad if he thought I was harder on him than the others, it's only because he was the one who was featured the most in the video so I am only reacting to what was given to me. I do it out of love so you can improve, because if you're really serious on being influenced by K-Pop and modeling yourself after it ... no one knows male idol groups better than I do; I know what works and what doesn't work here in America. Again, sorry, but please don't hate me and please don't unfollow me from twitter because that will make me sad.

Now it's time to send this to Heart2Heart in hopes that they learn a little insight into the K-Pop world, and also in hopes that Chad doesn't block me.

Watch "Facebook Official" and pretend you're thirteen again! It's an awesome way to get rid of all this nasty college, adult stress.

Oh, and props to the subtle shout-out to the leader and the animated sound waves!

TKPA