My Recent Suicide Mission/Humiliation

(Credit to jaypark.com)

I don't know if this will go anywhere, but I figured, "Why the hell not try?" No harm in that, right?

Feel free to laugh at me, because I know for sure this will either go unseen or will automatically be deleted. (Plus, I was laughing the whole time while writing this).

Subject: Interview Request (It's a Long Shot)
From: kpopaddict@live.com
To: info@jaypark.com

My name is [blah blah blah], better known in the K-Pop world as "The K-Pop Addict." I own and operate the blog, Confessions of the K-Pop Addict, which has readers all over the globe and has very recently been featured in the recent issue of Sparkling magazine (based out of the Philippines), alongside other top K-Pop websites such as http://www.allkpop.com/ and http://www.soompi.com/.

I realize this is sort of like a suicide mission in terms of requesting a brief interview with Jay, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. I have shied away from featuring Jay on the blog for quite some time, as it seemed that there was so much emotion surrounding his former situation. Whenever I would try to feature him there was always a reader or two who did not understand the humor behind the words. Now that I feel like his past is behind him and he's starting anew and succeeding beautifully, I would like to interview him (via e-mail) on a more personal level but about his current life and not about his past (i.e. nothing about 2PM or him leaving Korea. It's time we all moved on from that).

That might not seem like a "suicide mission," but I haven't gotten to the part where I actually inform you what the blog is based around. It's only fair that I provide you every post written about Jay, so you may get the feel of the style of writing. This is the suicide part.

http://www.thekpopaddict.com/search/label/park%20jaebeom

Thank you for your time and consideration and please feel free to laugh and delete this email once you're finished reading.

TKPA :)

Yes, I gave his management team the link to every post written about Jay. And if you click that link ... let's just hope that Jay has a sense of humor.

Just thought I would share and if for some unlikely reason I get a positive response (aka "YES"), I will share that with you. For now let's just assume it's a fat "N-O." I'm content with that.

TKPA

Sparkling is Out!

This makes me ridiculously happy and I thank everyone who has ever read this blog for loving it (or hating it) and giving it attention, because this truly wouldn't have happened if it weren't for you!

If you're a new reader because of this magazine, then leave a comment below and say hi! Also, check out the older posts, and you're more than welcome to leave comments! That goes for all you old folks too!

If you live in the Philippines and haven't yet picked yourself up a copy of Sparkling magazine with 2PM on the cover ... well, what are you waiting for? It's an entire feature for K-Pop!

Thanks for everything :)

xox

TKPA

Cervix Punchers Fifth Edition: And the Winners Are ...

#5 Chansung with twenty-one votes.

Let's introduce the beastliest maknae of them all to the top five for the very first time! Please don't ever hide your abs or your happy trail from us. Be a good idol and give us what we want. In return, we'll give you what you want. Fair trade, everyone wins!


#4 Heechul with twenty-six votes.

I'm not going to lie, I'm still shocked as all hell. And he received three more votes this time around. He's one of those idols that suddenly appears out of nowhere and kind of leaves a total mindfuck into what he did recently that made him so relevant in your minds and other areas.


#3 Taeyang with forty-five votes.

Taeyang might have fallen from number two, but at least he can have those bragging rights amongst the idols that he's been in the top five for a year straight. Congratulations, bb! You just keep being you and I know you'll always have a home in the top five!


#2 G-Dragon with fifty votes.

YES. THAT MEANS THAT G-DRAGON HAS FINALLY LEFT HIS COVETED NUMBER THREE SPOT AND HAS MOVED UP ONE!!! It was a close race between GDYB, but again, congratulations to GD for being in the top five for a year straight and also taking the spotlight of number two onto himself.


#1 T.O.P with sixty votes.

SIXTY votes. This man will never leave the top five. Never ever.

Voting will be again in February! Thanks for participating!

TKPA

Cervix Punchers Fifth Edition: Numbers Six through Ten

#10 Jonghyun (15 votes) - So what if he has a girlfriend? Doesn't mean we have to stop looking, right? Stop touching, yes. Looking? FAIR GAME.

#10 Nichkhun (15 votes) - I pretty much agree with this ranking, except I really want to add a personal comment ... Would it really kill you to not do "fan talk" while I'm sleeping? Really devastating when you start tweeting at 4:45 in the friggin morning and my alarm goes off at 5:30. I know you're reading this, Khunnie. (Yeah, right).

#10 Yunho (15 votes) - I will admit, I was a little surprised by how many votes he did receive. Not because he isn't fine as hell (because he is), but only because he's barely received any votes in the past. A ranking I'm happy with, though.


#9 Junsu from 2PM (16 votes) - I don't think I am alone in requesting more shirtless pictures of this man. He might break the top five if he spams us with abs to help keep us warm during the winter (or get us hotter in the summer, whichever hemisphere you're in).

#9 Jaejoong (16 votes) - I am contributing this to the fact that most of you living in the United States saw this gorgeous human being up close and in person recently. Because again, he's never received this many votes before. First time for everything!

#9 Seungri (16 votes) - So proud of him, yes I am! I mean, people actually voted for him! More than two or three times! AND HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF. Wait ... we might want to rethink this.


#8 Jun Hyung (17 votes) - He's climbing, he's climbing! Nice to know that whatever ridiculously ugly thing he has on, we still find him desirable. That's very hard to accomplish.

#8 Se7en (17 votes) - Absolutely gorgeous. Him and those lips. Mmm.

#8 Rain (17 votes) - He needs to have another movie like Ninja Assassin. Or more choreography like "Hip Song." That will surely catapult him a little higher.


#7 Kyuhyun (18 votes) - My all-time favorite maknae is killing it. Maybe in February he will break the top five? Stranger things have happened.

#7 Daesung (18 votes) - Basically, seventeen of you are running the risk of losing your life. It was the picture with him and the Phantom of the Opera mask, wasn't it? Just don't tell CJ you voted for him if she asks. She's already asking for names (those of you who were anonymous, smart move).


#6 Onew (20 votes) - Every once in a while, an idol gets so many votes just out of nowhere. Where were all of you for the past year? What, SHINee comes back and you suddenly remember Onew? Tsk, tsk, tsk. (Kiddingggg!)

#6 Joon (20 votes) - HE HAS FALLEN. Oh, Joon. Let's fix this! GET A TWITTER ACCOUNT. But not until January, then spam the hell out of us with cutesy and sexy pictures of you in the bathroom mirror.


Are you calculating who's in the top five?

Cervix Punchers Fifth Edition: Almost, But Not Quite

#15 Han Geng (7 votes) - It doesn't matter that he's in China doing God knows what. We still love that sexy man and worship him as if he'd never left.

#15 Leeteuk (7 votes) - You either get the attraction with him or you don't. If you don't, I'm pretty sure the people who voted for him won't mind. We can be greedy.

#15 Eli (7 votes) - The adorkable Eli. I want to see this man get a little higher next time around!

#15 Soohyun (7 votes) - So many votes from you have made me pay some extra special attention to him. Expect to see more of him on the blog!


#14 Taekyeon (9 votes) - Oh, sweetie. You've fallen from your glory days of ranking in the top five. Last November, you were #4. In February, you were #2. Now you're completely out of the top ten? How about some more shirtless action and screaming during performances to boost you back up a bit. Or you could just reply to a nice fan every once in a while ... mhm.

#14 AJ (9 votes) - You've kind of won me over a little more than you previously did by being the new-geek-turned-hottie in your latest MV. I wholeheartedly approve.

#14 DongWoon (9 votes) - I wish I could say you were the sexiest maknae on the list, but dude ... you really got your ass kicked in the ranking maknae battle. However, if you keep up those dirty blonde locks of yours, you'll rank higher on my personal poll, which means more exploitation on the blog. Win-win for everyone!

#14 Siwon (9 votes) - I'm curious as to how many of you have fantasized about him in a priest get-up and a steamy confessional booth location.


#13 Junsu from JYJ (10 votes) - I guess ten of you really, really liked his halter top/apron. I joke.

#13 Junho (10 votes) - I could make some cracks about how your ass is bigger than a full moon or that if you put on a wig you could be Kim Kardashian's from-the-back body double ... but it's all been done before.

#13 Jay Park (10 votes) - Last night on Twitter, Jay said some of us were freaky. I think a really dirty post is in the works, in which all of you need to leave a highly dirty comment. (PS -- Jay, if you're reading this, can you tweet some pics of your abs to get back into the top five? Thanks).


#12 Minho (12 votes) - Sexy, sexy, sexy. I love the shorter hair. I love the deep voice. I love the angry-sexy look he always has. I will so be your sugar mama.


#11 SeungHo (14 votes) - YOU. WERE. ROBBED. You should have been higher. That is all.

Six through ten, coming up next!

Cervix Punchers Fifth Edition: The Ones Who Didn't Make It

In August, this feature beat out its own record with 116 comments and 526 votes. I'm really happy to say that the record has been broken yet again with 133 comments and 683 votes! Awesome! This time around things were very interesting, to say the least.

The Ones Who Received One, Lonely Vote:

Kevin (ZE:A)
Chance
Kim Jong Kook
Hwanhee
Zin Tae Hwa
Jokwon
Minhwan
Ryeowook
Yejun
Kim Bum
Hongki
Psy
C.A.P.
Zhou Mi
Jungmin
Drama
Jong Hyun (CN Blue)
Noori
Kwanghaeng
Hyun Seung
Yoo Ah In
Karam
Kiseop
Lee Min Ho

The Ones Who Received Two Votes:

LeeU
Inati
Kibum (U-KISS)
Kibum (Super Junior)
Lee Seung Gi
Kevin (U-KISS)
Mika
Jang Geun Suk
Changmin (2AM)
Henry

The Ones Who Received Three Votes:

Sungmin
Teddy
Young Sky
No Min Woo
G.O
Seulong
Jinon
Xander

The Ones Who Received Four Votes:

YongHwa
Yo Seob
Doo Joon

The Ones Who Received Five Votes:

Changmin (DBSK)
Eunhyuk

The Ones Who Received Six Votes:

Kan
Thunder
Wooyoung
Mir
Kim Hyun Joong
Yoochun
Donghae

Today's Post is Brought to You by the Letter "G"

I am in love with this. Not so much the fact that the entire song is a plug for the Korean equivalent to eBay for fashion, but because this is a glimpse of G-Dragon before his comeback with BIGBANG. And in this, we see all of the cracktastic wardrobe pieces that GD has to offer.

Okay, it kind of makes my head want to explode and my eyeballs bleed, but to be honest, I'm just staring at his face throughout the majority of it. Because you have to admit that the man is gorgeous, even with the few shades away from Ronald McDonald hair. I also love the reference to "A Boy" in the CF, right down to that damn fur hat that one day I will rid the world of!

G-Dragon, come back soon. And bring with you every item in your cracktastic wardrobe! I promise to cut back on making fun of you this year!

TKPA

10 Ways I Will Destroy This Hat

1. Run it over with my car. Reverse. Repeat.
2. Bury it in the backyard in a trash bag.
3. Rub meat all over it then throw it into the tiger cage at the zoo.
4. Shrink it in the laundry.
5. Tie it to railroad tracks.
6. Tie it to a cinderblock and dump it in the river.
7. Wash a stray dog with it.
8. Use it as a baby's diaper.
9. Leave it outside during a hurricane.
10. One word = bonfire.

This hat needs to die.

TKPA

What in the ...? HAHAHA!

I seriously thought Jun Hyung was wearing a neckbrace at first. I had to rewind and pause the video because I knew he hadn't injured himself, so I thought it was the ultimate fashion fail. Because when I think of fashion fails in the K-Pop industry, you have to admit, BEAST is like in the top ten, maybe even the top five on some of your lists.

But at least it's just a rain coat with fur lining, the collar popped, and brown leather straps holding it up for support.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Did you notice how awkward he was moving throughout the whole teaser? So hilarious.

Click here to watch it!

TKPA

Camera Tricks

With the upcoming album release from F.Cuz (in a week, if you were wondering), we've been blessed with new photos of the guys to drool over and stare at.

They're all looking gorgeous as always (and they're all brunette, which I love), but I am a little disappointed in Kan's concept photo. It has nothing to do with him, but it has everything to do with the photographer or whoever posed him.

Do you see what looks like it's missing?

It looks like he has no belly button. And I know it's because the way his hips are placed and the odd angle his torso is turned. Still. It looks weird. It also makes him seem really petite and tiny. I'm not liking how they made him position his body like that. His hips face one way, his shoulders face another.

Just bizarre. And a little distracting.

Or maybe Kan doesn't have a belly button. Maybe he was literally put on Earth by the K-Pop Gods in order to test our faith in fangirlism.

PS -- Kan's new nickname is Kan XY because he has no belly button, just like the show Kyle XY.

TKPA

Finally...

I titled this post "Finally" for two reasons.

1. It's taken me forever to write a BEAST post. (I apologize).
2. Finally I have something amazing and awesome to say about each and every single one of them. The evil cow stylists have lost their touch.

My gorgeous Jun Hyung, you look as amazing as always and I'm glad that this time around, there aren't any feathers sticking out of your hair.

You're perfect. Don't change one damn thing on that brunette head of yours.

AJ you look like a little Catholic school boy to me. So sweet and innocent.

But I know Catholic school boys aren't all that innocent, so your angelic front only works on me for a short amount of time. All that matters is that you trick other people into thinking you're an angel on Earth and let me see your dark side.

Truthfully, Du Jun, you look exactly the same to me as you did when you first debuted.

Just a little more styling product this time around. You're flawless and you've learned if it isn't broke, don't fix it. You don't need to change a damn thing.

Yo Seob is still so cute to me.

Whenever I see him, this comes to mind. You will never lose your cute factor in my eyes.

FINALLY, finally! Hyun Seung does not have some atrocious ensemble on or has his hair all fucked up.

Do you know how happy this makes me? I sincerely hope THIS is a permanent look for him, meaning it's just him. No freaky looking make-up, no layered hair that looks more like a five-year-old cut it, no weird hair colors. Just Hyun Seung. Plain and simple. Absolutely perfect.

AND WHOEVER DECIDED TO STYLE DONGWOON'S HAIR LIKE THIS:

IS A FREAKING GENIUS AND I LOVE THEM FOR IT. HOLY HELL DOES THIS BOY LOOK A-MAY-ZING WITH THIS COLOR AND THIS STYLE. KEEP IT. KEEP IT. KEEP IT. KEEP IT.

Pretty much, whoever styled BEAST this time around, needs to be their permanent stylists, because they are perfection.

TKPA

U-Kiss Can Tell Me to Shut Up and I'll Obey

Where have I been? Well, school and lots of hours at work. That's probably why I missed the release of "Shut Up" a month ago. (I'm sorry, I suck, I know!). But now I'm here, and now it's time to give these men the proper little spazz fest they should have received last month.

I'm going to start this with a simple angry thought to the K-Pop Gods, for having the deepest voice in the group, the voice that stands out the most, the voice that sounds so sexy and makes me get little goose bumps all over ... belong to a sixteen-year-old.

I mean, really? How is that even remotely fair? A woman over the legal age limit cannot possibly enjoy it as much as she ought to. And to top it all off, you make Dongho sound so angry and you make him look so hot while he's giving that little sixteen-year-old angry face to the camera. Am I being punished for not blogging enough?

Moving on, U-Kiss has pretty much everything that makes a phenomenal K-Pop video.

You have suits:

And you have half-naked men (excluding Jailbait and Xander) in a room together:

And you even have Xander looking like he's absolutely disgusted in the choice for the female model:

And you also have how hot and just ... DAMN ... Eli is (um, Skankoid, remove the hand. Thanks):

And of course, no K-Pop video would be complete without a WTF fashion choice. I almost didn't see it, truthfully. It took me about three times watching the video to find one, and I was beginning to believe that I have finally come across one video that everything they are wearing looks amazing and there's nothing bizarre that would make me take up a tiny section in a post ranting about it. However, an evil cow must have snuck it in, and they did a clever job by shoving him in the back so we wouldn't notice.

But what the hell is this ...

... and when can I burn it?

TKPA

Cervix Punchers -- Fifth Edition!

A year ago, we did this for the first time. Amazing how much time flies, right?

Admit it ... there is just one male idol, above all others, that just does something to you. He makes your ovaries twitch and ache and makes your uterus long for a tenant for forty weeks. It doesn't matter what he does. A new or old performance, a TV appearance, or even just looking at a damn picture sends you into a complete melt-down state of wanting to enter motherhood.

You know exactly who I'm talking about.

This isn't necessarily a category, it's more like bragging rights. Only the top five will be posted on the right sidebar, like the holy list of men you want to have lots of unprotected sex with.

We have some new rules this time around, so pay attention!

1. No more than six idols can be voted for. If you list ten, only the first six will be counted. Six is more than plenty!
2. When you go to list your idol, state his stage name and group name. Because there's more than just one "Junsu" and sometimes I'm not totally 100% sure of what an idol's real name is, so this will make it easier for me, okay?
3. Only vote for an idol one time. Don't repeat an idol's name six times, because I'm only going to count them once.
4. They must be over the age of 18, so still no Taemin or DongHo or anyone else under the age of 18.
5. Don't count the votes ahead of time, please! I tried doing it a secret way before, but not enough people participated by just emailing their choices to me. If you count before, then you're taking the fun out of everything. Just be patient!

Either comment below or email me (if you choose). I'll be keeping track and tallying the scores and then I'll announce the top five. Every few months or so we'll vote again to update the Cervix Punchers and see if your hearts (or ovaries) have found new loves (or baby daddies).

Voting ends November 21st!

TKPA

Ayy No ...

I heard JYJ's new song with Kanye West a few weeks ago when Louise from billboard.com sent me the article about the boys and their new attempts to break into the Western music market. And I really like the song. So much that I was going to write this long lengthy post about how I was going to give the three former DBSK members a shot and quite possibly begin obsessing over them on the blog (something I know you all have been waiting for).

But then ... I saw the video.

And oh, Lord ... a monkey wrench was flung into the mix and now everything is so ... oh, man.

First off, let me just say that this is 2010. The technology available to us now is amazing, and since this is a South Korean idol group, and let's face it, Korean technology kicks American technology's ass in terms of awesome factor ... I really do expect a high quality music video, complete with awesome effects. If you're going to stand in front of a green screen and have the entire background computer generated, it better be like Avatar standards, okay?

But no ... we get this instead.

Something that looks as tacky and cheesy and Super Junior's "Marry U" video. Not hating on Super Junior in any way, shape, or form, but even for a video made in 2007 it was lacking in the wow-what-awesome-CG factor. And one would think three years later, that maybe we could just get past the fuzzy, lowest-of-the-low quality videos and produce something ... I don't know, awesome?

And was it just me or did anyone else find this video i-n-c-r-e-d-i-b-l-y s-l-o-w? I don't remember the song being that slow when I listened to it, but seeing it with the video and the WTF choreography that felt more like K-Pop Choreo 101 rather than professionals who have been around forever. It was boring and I swear it looked like they were counting. You can see on their faces that they're counting the steps.

Now here comes my bread and butter ... what in the hell were they wearing? What the fuck is that, Jaejoong?

No, seriously? A sheer shirt, styled to look like a tuxedo jacket, some Joon-looking pecs, and a Victorian-era woman's chandalier necklace? If I had to choose what was worse between this and everything Hyun Seung is forced to wear, you'd win by miles, bb.

I want to shoot whoever did this to Micky's hair. I'm a proud supporter of a strict anti-curl movement, and these are like the worst kinds of curls you can imagine. Because they aren't soft and bouncy. I might be able to accept soft and bouncy little ringlets on top of his head.

But it's more like he didn't have time to blow dry or straighten his hair, so now he's left with these waves that just look plain ridiculous. (Also, maybe I'm going through a BIGBANG withdrawl, but am I the only one who sees GD in this frame?)

Oh, Junsu ... I have three words for you.

Nice halter top.

Maybe I will just stick to listening to JYJ for the time being, until they can prove to me otherwise that I can finally have a straight up lustful feeling for them without getting bitch slapped with ridiculous afterward.

TKPA

One Way Project Is Complete!

I kind of channeled Martha Stewart on this project, but the results were amazing so I could really careless if an "Anonymous" person starts commenting about how it's lame.

Anyway, I posted a few weeks ago that I wanted to do this and not many people responded with an interest to help out. I even said on Twitter that if anyone donated, I would list your name and Twitter name so the boys would know it was from you as well. Major, major, major, MAJOR thanks to @QueenNeesee for going half with me on shipping! You're awesome!

A more detailed explanation on how to do this process can be found here, so if you'd like to do it for yourself or for the upcoming holiday season, definitely check it out. It's relatively simple, just time consuming.

I started off with a metal tin purchased from Michael's (or any craft store).

Then I lightly sanded it with some sandpaper. If you're using a cookie tin that has decorations on it, you have to sand the crap out of it. But since this was just plain old metal, I only had to do it enough to take the "shine" off.

Then I painted it black.

On white cardstock, I printed out a one way street sign, measured it to fit the lid, and glued it using Mod Podge, then covered the whole tin in the Mod Podge to seal the paint and to prevent it from chipping (and it makes it look all nice and shiney).

As for the cookies ... that was actually the hard part. I had it mind to make these awesome vegan chocolate chip cookies for Young Sky. I tracked down the vegan butter substitute (hard to find) and bought some non-dairy chocolate chips (if you're wondering, Ghiradelli makes non-dairy chocolate chips, so those are vegan). But then I messed up and grabbed the wrong egg "substitute." I thought it was what I needed, but I didn't see the words "egg product" on the carton until I had already poured in one egg. Fantastic.

I'm not stupid, though. In my defense those letters were really tiny.

End result, I still have some pretty awesome chocolate chip cookies made with soy butter. And you can't even taste the difference.

So I put Sky's cookies on hold and made Chance and Peter's chocolate sugar cookies, sandwiched together with melted Cadbury chocolate in the middle. Even with the chocolate overload, those are easily in the top ten best things I've ever tasted.

Saturday morning, I had to get up early and do a take two on Sky's cookies and mail these babies out before the post office closed. Went to the grocery store, got the right kind of egg substitute I needed, drove home, got two blocks away before realizing ... I forgot the chocolate chips.

Which is why Sky will be receiving vegan sugar cookies rolled in cinnamon and sugar. And they're yummy (I had to try one, because what if it was bad and I sent it out?). I put all the cookies in ziploc bags to keep them fresh.

And then the final project, with cookies inside:

I included a note to One Way as well, telling them that even though we have sent gifts to other idols before, that nothing handmade/painted has come from myself and my blog readers. I even wrote (the 2PM boxers were a big hit). So imagine if Chance gets to talk with Junsu about these awesome cookies a fan sent (what if Junsu eats one?!) and hey, she also gave him some boxers before? What's that about?

I think I'm on my way to becoming a K-Pop male idol household name. Hey, as long as they love me and don't fear me, I'm good.

Once again, thanks to @QueenNeesee for helping out! And to Chance, Peter, and Young Sky, if you are reading this (because I wrote the blog URL on the letter), thanks for being amazing and for giving me an excuse to channel Martha Stewart!

TKPA