Valeska's Guest Blog!

Super Junior Sex, The Latest Subgroup of Super Junior

Author’s note: 99% of this story was written before Han Geng requested for termination of his exclusive contract. I don’t take sides in this case. However, Han Geng will forever be my favorite China man. No matter what.

Hallelujah! A new subgroup has been added to Super Junior family and this subgroup is called SJ-S a.ka Super Junior Sex.

Why Sex?

Because instead of targeting the Chinese market like Super Junior Mandarin (SJ-M) or even the elders like Super Junior Trot (SJ-T), SJ-S is targeting the sexually-frustrated girls (*cough*including me *cough*) market. Sex is what they show us and sex is what we aim for.

SJ-S is a 4-members group, consisted of Han Geng a.ka Chinese Thrust Machine, Eunhyuk a.ka Sir Pops-A-Lot, Siwon a.ka Abmighty Shisus, and Henry a.ka Juicy Angel Lips. These are the four guys that can make you forget the threesome concept, as you will welcome the fivesome concept, which sounds more awesome.

The upcoming promotional single will be a catchy song which is full of groans, moans, and all the sexual sounds that can turn you on. You can imagine Siwon's bass voice singing some R&B tunes or Henry's rap in perrrrfect English blend together beautifully. The single may not be suitable to be listened to at night times (alone in your room and listening to some sexy creatures singing sexy tunes? That's frustrating), but who cares? We enjoy our frustration of sex.

Well, at least I know I do.

As I've mentioned before, sex is what they show us. I expect that the MV will be freaking hot as hell, 10 times hotter than "Sorry Sorry Answer" MV. You do realize that Chinese Thrust Machine looks so gorgeous with a prestigious Jaguar in that MV, right? In this upcoming MV of SJ-S, he will once again drive a Jaguar and probably will make love in the backseat of the car.

No, not with this woman. I can ensure you that he won't make love with this woman.

Speaking of hot Chinese men, I won’t leave Juicy Angel Lips out of the talk, of course. His transformation from a cute, innocent boy to a damn hot and tempting man has amazed me. Juicy Angel Lips has officially become The Canadian Sex Symbol. He’s a multi-talented guy. He speaks four languages, he can play the piano very well, he can sing, he’s also a dancing-machine, and everyone knows about his incredible ability in playing the violin. In conclusion, he’s more amazing than the Niagara Falls.

Pretty Pretty Princess: Let me tell you something, kid. Show ‘em your angry-sex face. They’re gonna love it.

Juicy Angel Lips: Will do, Your Majesty.

I also expect to see SJ-S doing some irritatingly inviting dance moves that will trigger my primitive lust to raise. Since chest-popping will be so 2000 late, I hope Sir Pops-A-Lot will come up with a brighter idea for the group, like crotch-popping, for example. I love it when Sir Pops-A-Lot puts his hand on his crotch and pop it like crazy.

Damn, you can thrust it into me, love. You are most welcome.

Last, but not least, the Abmighty Shisus. I have no idea about his image in SJ-S. He is sexy, always has been and always will be. Maybe he will show a much sexier image that your brain will explode once you see him dancing, half naked.

SJ-S has to be on numerous of variety shows. They will be epic. Sir Pops-A-Lot will be the spotlight of the show (Hyukkiegayo, anyone?) while Abmighty Shisus will show his legendary Shibrows here, there, and everywhere. I don’t know what you think of Shibrows, but I think they are amazing.

Now, if you excuse me, I will buy a one-way ticket to Seoul. Soon I will hijack SM Entertainment office and become the new CEO of SM Entertainment. You will be grateful. I’ll send SJ-S to America and Europe for world tour. Happy?

I bet you are. Even Chinese Thrust Machine is happy.

TKPA Endnote: This. Was. Fucking. Amazing. Thanks Valeska!