An Ode to BIGBANG

With their impending comeback date, I figured I would write a little poem to express how excited I am.

B to the I to the ...

Gee, I've seemed to have forgotten the rest.

You've been gone for so long,

It feels as if you've put your fans through one big test.

Our devotion to you is as solid and creepy as ever.

If you're wondering if our batshit crazy love has faded,

The answer is never.

Kwon Ji Yong,

It's been way too freaking long.

Your comeback has me excited but nervous too,

Because you like to piss me off when it comes to your hair.

Were those ridiculous curls a dare?
Please, let's just keep it normal for now,
And do not listen to any advice given by an evil cow.
Pay no mind to the uptight netizens,
For not showing off your sex is a mortal sin.

Your swagger, your talent, is far superior to the rest,

That's why having GD as the front man is the fucking best.

Dong Young Bae,
Your glistening, sweaty abs make my day.
I've been having an overdose of you as of late,
Something that has made fangirl life great.
You've thrown us all for a loop with your flirtatious side,
Making us speculate why it's something you no longer hide.
Could it be a new girlfriend in the picture?
If so, you should definitely ditch her.
Skankface doesn't deserve a man of your caliber,
And plus, your crazy fangirls will probably commit murder.
Come back in all your ab-filled glory,
And things on TKPA's blog might get a bit whorey.

Kang Daesung,
We want to bathe your new rippling abs with our tongue.
The recent picture with your mask on your face,
Has made us want to copy the keys to our place,
Mail them along with a plane ticket and a map,
So you better arrive fully decked out in gift wrap.
Your ability to generate laughs has been sorely missed,
Please come back soon or else we'll all be pissed!
We need some sex and laughter in our life,
And girls need to start claiming dibs on being your wife.
Your beautiful voice makes us swoon,
Say you'll be here to make us go insane soon.

Lee Seung-hyun,
Picking on you is so much fun.
Though I hated excluding you from BIGBANG Fridays on the blog,
If you had just shown us your abs, I would have been in a complete fog.
Can you promise us that your come back will include maknae flesh?
What better way to start off fresh!
Why some people forget you include you, I'll never know,
But just remember that they're nothing but a skankoid hoe.
Without you, BIGBANG would not be the same,
Not the same group we love, it'd be totally lame.

Choi Seung-hyun,
There really doesn't need to be,
A rhyming poem, you see.
Your sex appeal is international,
And you make us all act very irrational.
Your smoldering eyes, your deep gravelly voice,
We couldn't resist you if we had a choice!
A few lines of a poem doesn't find all the words to describe you,
So just come back and stare and we'll be re-devoted, boo.

TKPA

Birthday Spotlight

Happy Birthday to the man who will forever be ten-years-old at heart!

How you have the ability to make us go "awwww" and then make us scream during a fangirl freak out, Donghae, I will never know. But I'm not complaining. It's working for you and don't you dare change one thing about your amazing, cute, sexy, adorable self!

Love you lots and hope that your birthday was amazing!

TKPA

Let's Just Stare

Sweaty. Lips. Hair. SeungHo.

PERFECTION.

TKPA

We've Reached an Agreement

My apologies to Thunder. I have never really given you the proper fangirl freak out that you deserve. When you first debuted with MBLAQ, you ... you weren't ... well, you looked like a complete dork and reminded me a little too much of your big sis, so it was hard to even look at you with any ounce of attraction.

But I shouldn't have been so harsh on you in your freshly debuted days, and I now I see the light.

Your brooding, dark, extremely pissed off look is sexy. It looks as if you've been having to hear Joon talk about his abs all day, listening to G.O brag about his ability to grow facial hair, watching SeungHo lick those lips of his, and it looks like you really want to punch Mir in the face just for being the maknae. It's nothing he did, you realize this ... but because he's the cute maknae ... you've sort of become the ugly stepchild that happens to be a middle child that is always everyone's second thought.

Well, Thunder ... from now on TKPA will treat you like the gorgeous stepchild you rightfully are. You just keep up these intense facial expressions of yours, and you have yourself adored by me.

Pleasure doing business with you.

TKPA

The Chicken Addiction ...

I wasn't planning on taking this approach with Onew, because it's been done before, but finding my Chick-fil-a giftcard with a balance left on it has made me really hungry.

Onew is one of those oddly beautiful people, that I have mixed feelings for. One moment I want to pinch those clear-as-all-hell cheeks and tell him he's so cute, the next I want to feed him endless amounts of chicken and just watch and even dab his mouth when the grease starts to build up, and then the next I just find him so irresistable.

Every morning I will make him chicken and waffles. For lunch, I will force feed him a chicken strip salad (because if he were to just eat nothing but fried chicken all the time, poor guy will get fat and then none of the noonas would want him). For dinner, chicken, chicken, and more chicken. Nothing but chicken from morning to night. And after dinner, I will just have to help him burn off all those fatty calories he earned during the day.

I think the only way to cure Onew's chicken addiction is if you give him a pet chicken and have him care for it, and clean it, and feed it, and nurture it. And within a few weeks, he will start to look at chicken and feel guilty (kind of like how I do when I eat king crab legs knowing a man probably died so I could stuff my face with warm, buttery, sweet crab meat).

And it will be a sad day in our household when I come home and find that Onew's beloved pet, Colonel Foghorn, is no where to be found, and the smell of fried chicken is lingering in the air.

TKPA