By now I'm sure you've all seen the new BIGBANG MV "Beautiful Hangover." (If you haven't, check it out here). I'm sure you all got a pretty big kick out of Daesung being a drug dealer in the video, because ... well, it's Daesung.
It was hard to picture him at first as a dealer, but you know ... he kind of pulls it off very well. I mean, no one suspects him of being one, he just doesn't fit. He's happy, bouncy, and I for some reason want to think that he even smells like sunshine. Yeah, in place of nasty, rank sweat, the man smells like fresh rain and sunshine.
Oh, but he handles the part really well.
First, like any good dealer, he must inspect his new product.
Then he sets up a time and place for the exchange with faithful customer, G-Dragon. Everything must be done as discrete as possible, for he never knows if he's under surveillance by the police. Here he is asking G-Dragon for simple directions, but he caught a whiff of his shampoo, so he's taking a closer smell and asking what product G-Dragon uses. It's Aussie, both the shampoo and conditioner. Daesung makes a mental note to pick that up at the store once the exchange has been carried out.
The classic set the suitcase down for a brief moment to check your watch or whatever, then walk away, "accidently" leaving it behind for the client to retrieve shortly after, once it has been established that there is no police surveillance.
He even creeps in the shadows, waiting to pounce on the poor, innocent Taeyang, who knows that his girlfriend is cheating on him. His heartbreak is Daesung's business gain.
Here we see him and the prospective client Taeyang in a run down room with a scary looking bouncer guarding the door. You can see that Tae-Tae wants nothing to do with these drugs. Because he's a good Christian boy, and someone of such morals like himself would never even consider doing drugs.
Daesung is a crafty dealer. Yes, he is. He tells Taeyang that the pills will get rid of his heartache, that these pills will make her come back to him. Of course, they won't do anything like that and once the high wears off, the only thing Taeyang will be is a heartbroken junkie. Yet a desperate man will do anything, especially when it comes to the woman he loves, so Tae-Tae caves.
Though you can tell by the look on his face, the expression in his eyes, that there's a part of him that's screaming this is wrong. But the desperation is telling the morally conscious part to shut the fuck up.
Now that Daesung has guaranteed himself another returning customer, he goes to the gym and does some aerobic exercises. Because drug dealers need to be intimidating. There's nothing scary about a scrawny dealer.
Although Daesung might look like he's in charge of this operation, he's just a front. The real brains is sitting comfortably and safely, miles away ...
Seungri is a sneaky one, all right.
Note: This is entirely out of humor and I am not actually indicating that Daesung is a drug dealer in real life. Laugh, it's a joke.
TKPA
I know I'm supposed to be doing a post about Nichkhun right now, but when searching for pictures of him, I came across this ... and I'm completely speechless when I'm not laughing my ass off.
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!
It's like Peter Pan met Alice in Wonderland met The Full Monty or something? What's with Wooyoung's hat? It's like one of those newspaper hats that the teachers have you make when you're in primary school. He even has newspaper left over and it's in his back pocket!
Wait, wait ... it's like one of those fabric napkins that waiters fold into swans or elephants and put on your plate!
And like the craft pipe-cleaners coming out of Chansung's hat? Paired with Calvin Klein boxers and hip dips with a happy trail? I'm so confused by this, but I am laughing my ass off at the same time.
What is this?!
I'm all for the showing of flesh and hip dips, you know this. But to add such hilarity and confusion in the mix only detracts from the flesh, and that's a sin in the K-Pop World.
SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS THIS???
TKPA
Well, as long as you're not wearing ... that. A racing jumpsuit? What did you do to piss off your stylist?
I can get past the WTF-outfit you were probably forced to wear by those evil cows, because I can see what's underneath. And I sure am loving what I am seeing underneath. I can even see the top of your belly button.
And I kind of want to trace all of your veins in your arms with my fingertips. Normally veiny arms kind of like freak me out just a bit ... you know when you get that skin creepy crawly feeling? That's what too many veins do to me, but not your veins.
Oh, no. Not yours.
However, I'm not digging your hair. It isn't a strike against you or anything, Kevin. I just can't accept any blonde-abomination other than Master GD.
Don't worry, though. I will be writing about you more in the future, along with the other members of ZE:A. I've been majorly slacking on you!
TKPA
Mmm, Minho ...
This might sound odd, but I am ten times more attracted to this perfectly legal man now that his hair is shorter. Yes, his longer hair might have been gorgeous and so silky looking, but I can't go for a guy with prettier hair than me. Therefore the short hair not only catches my attention and kind of butches him up (just a little bit), but it also caters to my ego.
Just kidding about that catering to my ego part. Kind of.
Now he's all grown up, hasn't been jailbait for months now and I know you're all loving it just as much as I am. Can you imagine what he'll bring us in the future?
More abs.
More ridiculously good looks. It's almost unfair how beautiful he is.
Oh, and more pissed off looks like this. He'll be practicing this for sure in the bathroom mirror. So expect his bitchface to act like fine wine ... it only gets better with age.
Mmmmm, Minho ...
TKPA
#5 Heechul with twenty-three votes.
Yes, Kim Heechul is in the top five. I'm BEYOND speechless right now. When I was counting the votes, I couldn't believe it. My thoughts were something like, "Heechul. Heechul. Heechul. Heechul. What the hell? Heechul. Heechul. Heechul. Heechul. Heechul. Heechul. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL?!"
I'm just ... wow. I never thought he would be in the top five. Wow.
#4 Joon with twenty-nine votes.
Same exact number he was last time around, I expected this from Joon. He's one of those that actually wants to be on this list and will do whatever it takes to make sure he's in the top five. And when I say "do whatever it takes" I mean by just existing.
#3 G-Dragon with thirty-three votes.
You have to give it to the man ... there's just something about him that drives majority of us crazy. And I think he deserves an award because this is the fourth time he has held onto the number three spot. He's always slightly behind his best friend, so maybe next time around he'll advance just one more spot. Maybe.
#2 Taeyang with thirty-seven votes.
We've been blessed with a Tae-Tae overdose lately, but that by itself is not why this glorious man received this many votes. Hell, he could be on a hiatus and he would still be in the top five. Sadly, he's back to his number two spot, having lived at number one for three months.
Which means ...
#1 T.O.P with forty-five votes.
All is right with the world, as T.O.P is once again the ultimate Cervix Puncher. As he should be. He is, afterall, the Official Pimp T.O.P.
Thanks for voting! We won't vote again until NOVEMBER!
TKPA
