Ayy No ...

I heard JYJ's new song with Kanye West a few weeks ago when Louise from billboard.com sent me the article about the boys and their new attempts to break into the Western music market. And I really like the song. So much that I was going to write this long lengthy post about how I was going to give the three former DBSK members a shot and quite possibly begin obsessing over them on the blog (something I know you all have been waiting for).

But then ... I saw the video.

And oh, Lord ... a monkey wrench was flung into the mix and now everything is so ... oh, man.

First off, let me just say that this is 2010. The technology available to us now is amazing, and since this is a South Korean idol group, and let's face it, Korean technology kicks American technology's ass in terms of awesome factor ... I really do expect a high quality music video, complete with awesome effects. If you're going to stand in front of a green screen and have the entire background computer generated, it better be like Avatar standards, okay?

But no ... we get this instead.

Something that looks as tacky and cheesy and Super Junior's "Marry U" video. Not hating on Super Junior in any way, shape, or form, but even for a video made in 2007 it was lacking in the wow-what-awesome-CG factor. And one would think three years later, that maybe we could just get past the fuzzy, lowest-of-the-low quality videos and produce something ... I don't know, awesome?

And was it just me or did anyone else find this video i-n-c-r-e-d-i-b-l-y s-l-o-w? I don't remember the song being that slow when I listened to it, but seeing it with the video and the WTF choreography that felt more like K-Pop Choreo 101 rather than professionals who have been around forever. It was boring and I swear it looked like they were counting. You can see on their faces that they're counting the steps.

Now here comes my bread and butter ... what in the hell were they wearing? What the fuck is that, Jaejoong?

No, seriously? A sheer shirt, styled to look like a tuxedo jacket, some Joon-looking pecs, and a Victorian-era woman's chandalier necklace? If I had to choose what was worse between this and everything Hyun Seung is forced to wear, you'd win by miles, bb.

I want to shoot whoever did this to Micky's hair. I'm a proud supporter of a strict anti-curl movement, and these are like the worst kinds of curls you can imagine. Because they aren't soft and bouncy. I might be able to accept soft and bouncy little ringlets on top of his head.

But it's more like he didn't have time to blow dry or straighten his hair, so now he's left with these waves that just look plain ridiculous. (Also, maybe I'm going through a BIGBANG withdrawl, but am I the only one who sees GD in this frame?)

Oh, Junsu ... I have three words for you.

Nice halter top.

Maybe I will just stick to listening to JYJ for the time being, until they can prove to me otherwise that I can finally have a straight up lustful feeling for them without getting bitch slapped with ridiculous afterward.

TKPA

One Way Project Is Complete!

I kind of channeled Martha Stewart on this project, but the results were amazing so I could really careless if an "Anonymous" person starts commenting about how it's lame.

Anyway, I posted a few weeks ago that I wanted to do this and not many people responded with an interest to help out. I even said on Twitter that if anyone donated, I would list your name and Twitter name so the boys would know it was from you as well. Major, major, major, MAJOR thanks to @QueenNeesee for going half with me on shipping! You're awesome!

A more detailed explanation on how to do this process can be found here, so if you'd like to do it for yourself or for the upcoming holiday season, definitely check it out. It's relatively simple, just time consuming.

I started off with a metal tin purchased from Michael's (or any craft store).

Then I lightly sanded it with some sandpaper. If you're using a cookie tin that has decorations on it, you have to sand the crap out of it. But since this was just plain old metal, I only had to do it enough to take the "shine" off.

Then I painted it black.

On white cardstock, I printed out a one way street sign, measured it to fit the lid, and glued it using Mod Podge, then covered the whole tin in the Mod Podge to seal the paint and to prevent it from chipping (and it makes it look all nice and shiney).

As for the cookies ... that was actually the hard part. I had it mind to make these awesome vegan chocolate chip cookies for Young Sky. I tracked down the vegan butter substitute (hard to find) and bought some non-dairy chocolate chips (if you're wondering, Ghiradelli makes non-dairy chocolate chips, so those are vegan). But then I messed up and grabbed the wrong egg "substitute." I thought it was what I needed, but I didn't see the words "egg product" on the carton until I had already poured in one egg. Fantastic.

I'm not stupid, though. In my defense those letters were really tiny.

End result, I still have some pretty awesome chocolate chip cookies made with soy butter. And you can't even taste the difference.

So I put Sky's cookies on hold and made Chance and Peter's chocolate sugar cookies, sandwiched together with melted Cadbury chocolate in the middle. Even with the chocolate overload, those are easily in the top ten best things I've ever tasted.

Saturday morning, I had to get up early and do a take two on Sky's cookies and mail these babies out before the post office closed. Went to the grocery store, got the right kind of egg substitute I needed, drove home, got two blocks away before realizing ... I forgot the chocolate chips.

Which is why Sky will be receiving vegan sugar cookies rolled in cinnamon and sugar. And they're yummy (I had to try one, because what if it was bad and I sent it out?). I put all the cookies in ziploc bags to keep them fresh.

And then the final project, with cookies inside:

I included a note to One Way as well, telling them that even though we have sent gifts to other idols before, that nothing handmade/painted has come from myself and my blog readers. I even wrote (the 2PM boxers were a big hit). So imagine if Chance gets to talk with Junsu about these awesome cookies a fan sent (what if Junsu eats one?!) and hey, she also gave him some boxers before? What's that about?

I think I'm on my way to becoming a K-Pop male idol household name. Hey, as long as they love me and don't fear me, I'm good.

Once again, thanks to @QueenNeesee for helping out! And to Chance, Peter, and Young Sky, if you are reading this (because I wrote the blog URL on the letter), thanks for being amazing and for giving me an excuse to channel Martha Stewart!

TKPA

An Ode to BIGBANG

With their impending comeback date, I figured I would write a little poem to express how excited I am.

B to the I to the ...

Gee, I've seemed to have forgotten the rest.

You've been gone for so long,

It feels as if you've put your fans through one big test.

Our devotion to you is as solid and creepy as ever.

If you're wondering if our batshit crazy love has faded,

The answer is never.

Kwon Ji Yong,

It's been way too freaking long.

Your comeback has me excited but nervous too,

Because you like to piss me off when it comes to your hair.

Were those ridiculous curls a dare?
Please, let's just keep it normal for now,
And do not listen to any advice given by an evil cow.
Pay no mind to the uptight netizens,
For not showing off your sex is a mortal sin.

Your swagger, your talent, is far superior to the rest,

That's why having GD as the front man is the fucking best.

Dong Young Bae,
Your glistening, sweaty abs make my day.
I've been having an overdose of you as of late,
Something that has made fangirl life great.
You've thrown us all for a loop with your flirtatious side,
Making us speculate why it's something you no longer hide.
Could it be a new girlfriend in the picture?
If so, you should definitely ditch her.
Skankface doesn't deserve a man of your caliber,
And plus, your crazy fangirls will probably commit murder.
Come back in all your ab-filled glory,
And things on TKPA's blog might get a bit whorey.

Kang Daesung,
We want to bathe your new rippling abs with our tongue.
The recent picture with your mask on your face,
Has made us want to copy the keys to our place,
Mail them along with a plane ticket and a map,
So you better arrive fully decked out in gift wrap.
Your ability to generate laughs has been sorely missed,
Please come back soon or else we'll all be pissed!
We need some sex and laughter in our life,
And girls need to start claiming dibs on being your wife.
Your beautiful voice makes us swoon,
Say you'll be here to make us go insane soon.

Lee Seung-hyun,
Picking on you is so much fun.
Though I hated excluding you from BIGBANG Fridays on the blog,
If you had just shown us your abs, I would have been in a complete fog.
Can you promise us that your come back will include maknae flesh?
What better way to start off fresh!
Why some people forget you include you, I'll never know,
But just remember that they're nothing but a skankoid hoe.
Without you, BIGBANG would not be the same,
Not the same group we love, it'd be totally lame.

Choi Seung-hyun,
There really doesn't need to be,
A rhyming poem, you see.
Your sex appeal is international,
And you make us all act very irrational.
Your smoldering eyes, your deep gravelly voice,
We couldn't resist you if we had a choice!
A few lines of a poem doesn't find all the words to describe you,
So just come back and stare and we'll be re-devoted, boo.

TKPA

Birthday Spotlight

Happy Birthday to the man who will forever be ten-years-old at heart!

How you have the ability to make us go "awwww" and then make us scream during a fangirl freak out, Donghae, I will never know. But I'm not complaining. It's working for you and don't you dare change one thing about your amazing, cute, sexy, adorable self!

Love you lots and hope that your birthday was amazing!

TKPA

Let's Just Stare

Sweaty. Lips. Hair. SeungHo.

PERFECTION.

TKPA